Matters Of Shielded Hearts
by TKR.87
Summary: Casey has been on a slippery slope but now that Alex and Olivia have caught on, will things get better. Warning: Story deals with Alcoholism, and may include other self destructive behaviours. Pairings: A/O friendship C/O friendship and will end up being A/C Femslash. Rated M for future chapters
1. Chapter 1

**A.N: I had this idea in my head yesterday, and today it began to come to life.**

**It's going to be a Friendship/Relationship story between my 3 favourite characters, Casey, Alex and Olivia. It will be an Alex/Casey relationship pairing in the end, but the first few chapters will be establishing a friendship between Alex and Casey, as well as Casey and Olivia. Alex and Olivia are already friends in this story, but they will grow closer as the story progresses. It will have a little angst, and drama in it, but it's going to be a relatively calm story compared to the others I have written.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 1

Casey opens her office door, sighing. It had been one of them mornings, when everything that could go wrong had. Firstly, she had found that her bike had a puncture, so she had to get a cab, and then she tripped up as she made her way up the courthouse steps, dropping her folders into a puddle. She had been late for a meeting with Liz, got called out on a warrant, and then lost the latest case.

Grabbing her briefcase, and shutting down the computer, she ran a hand through her red hair as she thought about how drunk she could get and still be in work looking relatively okay. Nobody knew of the bad habit she had acquired over the last few weeks, she had taken to drinking alone, at the bar, and at home.

Casey exited the building, as she hailed a cab and gave him the address to her most recent haunt. "The cubby hole" was a small bar that was a stone throw away from her apartment but far enough away from her office and the precinct not to bump into any of her co workers or the detectives.

* * *

"Large Whiskey please" Casey ordered her drink, and drank it straight down, looking around, she realised how quiet it seemed tonight, before she glanced at her watch and realised it was only just 6pm. Pushing her glass across the bar, she coughed loudly to get the bartenders attention before pointing at the glass…

"Rough day?" he asked as he poured her a second drink

"Like you wouldn't believe" she sighed, downing it as quickly as the first "Another"

"You better slow down, you're on your third already and you've been in here less than 10 minutes he said, raising an eyebrow

Casey huffed, as she took the third drink, this time cradling it in her hands. The bartender just looked at her and went to take orders from a couple at the other end of the bar.

When the bartender refused to serve her a fourth drink, Casey chucked some money on the bar and walked out, feeling the cold air around her shoulders, she decided to try and walk some of the alcohol off. A little unsteady on her feet, she walked to the end of the street, not noticing the blonde watching her from the other side.

Alex Cabot had just arrived at her apartment building after a relatively calm day at work, glad that she was going to be off work for the weekend, and hoping that tomorrow would be a quiet Friday. Handing the Cab the fare, she stands on the sidewalk, wrapping her coat a little tighter around herself in the winter air.

She then notices the figure on the other side of the road, it takes a minute before she realises that it's Casey. While she wouldn't go as far and say they were friends, they had been working together for a little under a month and she found the red head intriguing, but standing here, she realises that it's not even half six and the red head has definitely had a few drinks.

Quickly crossing the road, she calls "Casey"

Casey turns around, and when she notices that it's Alex, she walks a little faster. '_Why did she have to be here?'_ she asks herself. It wasn't that she didn't like the blonde; in fact, it may have something to do with the fact that she does like her. She had been having very strange thoughts about the other woman over the last couple of days. Plus, she didn't want Alex seeing her like this, after all, it wouldn't look good, and she knew there would be questions and answers wanted.

"Casey" Alex called again as she caught up with red head, which wasn't particularly difficult seeing as Casey had reached the crossing, and had to wait for the lights to change "You okay?" Alex asked, placing her hand on Casey's shoulder

"Fine" Casey snapped, before mentally kicking herself for being shirty "Sorry" she offered

Alex gave her a sad smile "its okay. Want me to walk with you?"

Casey shrugged her shoulders as she crossed the road quickly, catching the blonde of guard who had to jog a little to catch up with her

"What are you doing here?" Casey asked, maybe a little rudely

"I live back there" Alex explained "I saw you coming out of the bar; I thought you shouldn't be walking home by yourself in this state"

"What state? I'm not drunk" Casey huffed, before promptly losing balance and having to grab the wall to steady herself

"Either way, you've had something to drink" Alex said, worryingly. _'Why is she drinking so early?'_ she wonders.

"This is my place" Casey announcing stopping outside a tall building "Thanks for the company. See you tomorrow" she says quickly, going inside

Alex wants to follow her in, but she knows it would be rude when she hasn't been invited. "Yeah, see you tomorrow" she answers, but Casey has already disappeared inside.

Casey manages to walk the two flights of stairs to her apartment, her mind now on Alex, and how she will explain her behaviour tomorrow, but she can't help smiling as she remembers how gorgeous the blonde looked when she was concerned, the way her eyebrows raised symmetrically, and how her lips twitched before she smiled.

Shaking her head, Casey unlocks the front door, throwing her briefcase onto the couch, before grabbing a glass and pouring herself a generous amount of wine.

Meanwhile Alex can't help but think about the red head she's just left. She's a little worried about how much Casey had drunk, aware that she had only left the office herself at half five, and knew that Casey hadn't been gone much earlier.

Letting herself into her apartment, she thinks about calling the red head, but decides against it. Casey hadn't been too pleased to see her and had been a little shirty, so maybe she should keep her distance and approach her tomorrow.

* * *

Casey groans as she opens her eyes and squints at the light coming through the window before sitting up, before promptly groaning again and returning to lie back down. Her head is pounding, more so than usual as she notices the empty wine bottle on the table and realises she is still fully dressed and on the couch. _'I must have passed out'_ she recalls. Slowly sitting back up, she gives herself a few minutes before vomiting over herself.

Groaning and heaving at the stench of her own vomit, she manages to stand up and hobble to the bathroom, placing herself beside the toilet as her stomach rolls and she empties more of the alcohol into the bowl.

She glances at the watch on her wrist "Shit" she exclaims, realising it's already 8am. She can't be late again, but she looks and feels like shit, she needs to shower. Pushing herself off the floor, she removes her clothes before climbing into the shower, and turning it on. She screams as the cold water hits her skin, but there is no time for heat this morning. She can't be late.

Exiting the shower, her head still pounding, she dries herself and cleans her teeth, before heading to the bedroom to find some clean clothes. She pulls on a suit that hasn't been ironed, before grabbing the hairdryer, and giving it a quick run over. There is no time to look exceptional, so she settles on barely presentable.

Grabbing her briefcase from the couch, she turns her nose up at the smell of vomit lingering in the air, before exiting her apartment.

* * *

Rushing up the stairs, she knows she's late as Adam; the janitor is pulling on his jacket. He leaves at promptly 9.30am every morning. Casey is meant to be in by 9.15am.

"Casey" she hears as she enters her office "Jesus, you look like hell Novak"

She turns and gives a small smile to the brunette

"Thanks Olivia"

"Are you okay?" Olivia asks, furrowing her eyebrows

"I'm fine, just late" she mutters before sitting down, and looking up seriously at the Detective "What do you need?"

Olivia is taken aback by the bluntness of the question, but decides not to prod into the red heads business. While Olivia and Casey got on relatively well, they were still merely colleagues. It was Alex that was good friends with the brunette.

"We need a warrant to search an apartment"

"What have you got?" Casey questions, happy to have the subject comfortably on work

"It's the Davis/Andrews case. We've got a suspect, who was seen in the area and has motive, his DNA was in the apartment and he doesn't have an Alibi. We're looking for a murder weapon, a knife to be precise. He's a collector"

"Okay, I'll get it for you, and drop it by in like half an hour" Casey says feeling slightly nauseous again

"You sure you're okay Casey, you don't look well" Olivia asks

"I'm fine" Casey snaps, before grabbing the waste bin and vomiting into it

"No, you're not" Olivia says, taking a step towards the red head "Let me take you home"

Casey looks sheepishly at the brunette before nodding. Olivia takes her arm, and the waste bin, leading her out of the office.

* * *

Casey has thrown up again outside her apartment, and Olivia is concerned at the red head's lack of energy and compliance in moving. Olivia had managed to coax the address from the red head, who kept insisting she'd be fine once they had got into Olivia's car.

Finding Casey's keys at the bottom of her bag, Olivia lets them in, and immediately notices the stench of vomit coming from inside the apartment. Casey plops herself onto the couch, as Olivia notices the empty wine bottle and glass on the table.

_'She's hung-over'_ she realises as she goes in search of the bathroom

As she pushes open the door, she notices the soiled clothes on the floor and sighs. It reminds her all too well of her mother, but pushes the thought out of her head. _'Casey isn't an alcoholic'_ she tells herself, as she runs a flannel under the water.

Bringing it to Casey, she puts it on her forehead, before pouring the red head a glass of water, and placing two Tylenol beside the glass. "I've got to go, Casey. Hope you feel better" she says to the red head before leaving.

* * *

"Alex, can you get this warrant signed?" Olivia asks the blonde as she enters her office a couple of hours later

Alex looks over the evidence quickly before asking "Isn't this Casey's case?"

"Yeah, but she's sick. I took her home a few hours ago" Olivia says "It's all in order, just needs signing"

Alex gets up "I'm heading to the courthouse now anyway, walk with me?"

"Course" Olivia says, following the blonde out

"Casey's got a hangover" Alex states, which raises an eyebrow from the detective

"How did you know?"

"I saw her coming out of the bar last night. Well, it wasn't night time, but anyway I thought she might be a bit rough this morning" Alex explains

"She threw up in her office, and then again in the car, and then when we got to her apartment. There was an empty wine bottle on the table and her clothes from yesterday were covered in vomit" Olivia noted to the blonde

"Jesus, how much did she drink?" Alex asks, to no-one in particular "You left her"

"I had to get back to work"

"When did you take her home?"

"Just after 9.30 this morning" Olivia tells the blonde as they enter the courthouse

The topic changes to the warrant as Alex sees Judge Petrovsky "Judge, I need a warrant signed"

"I'm in a rush; I take it that it's all legit?" Lena asks

"Of course" Alex answers without hesitance

Lena signs the warrant, and Alex hands it to Olivia "If you need me, call my cell, I'm going to check on Casey"

"I'm sure she's fine Alex" Olivia says, frowning at Alex's sudden concern over the red head.

"I know, I know" Alex says quickly "I'll call you later"

Olivia furrows her brows as Alex heads out of the building. It unnerves her, this whole situation. Casey was pretty sick, and she had definitely been drinking. Alex had seen her the previous night, and was now rushing off to the red head's apartment to see if she was okay. She didn't even know that they were friends, and she herself wasn't particularly close with Casey.

**Please review and let me know what you think. I really enjoyed writing this chapter. If you have any ideas, or thoughts, feel free to let me know, either in the review or shoot me a PM if you fancy**


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N: Thank you to for the kind reviews on the first chapter. **

**I don't have a particular time frame that I'm working with. Alex and Casey are both ADA's with SVU, but Elliot is still there. Liz is the Bereau Chief because I like Liz, and I never really liked Branch or McCoy. Olivia's mother has already died as as Alex's. Loss never happened, therefore Alex never went into WPP...(Mainly because I can't stop crying over that episode)**

Chapter 2

"Casey?" Alex calls for the third time. She had left the courthouse and immediately drove over to the red heads apartment. She was glad to note that Casey was listed on the buzzer as being apartment 6 and that as she was debating whether to buzz to signal her presence, the door had been opened by someone exiting the building.

"Casey? It's Alex. I just come to see if you were okay, Olivia said you were sick" Alex knocked louder on the door

Inside Casey was sitting on the couch, covers pulled around herself as she shivered, partly from the cold but what she knew was mostly due to the withdrawal of alcohol. She had vomited again since Olivia had left and had slept until she was awoken by Alex banging on the door. Glancing at the clock she notices it's 12.25pm.

"I'm fine" she manages to call out weakly

Alex breathed a sigh of relief "At least let me see for myself" she replied, concernedly

"I'm fine" Casey says again attempting to stand but her legs buckling with weakness as she falls back onto the couch

"Casey...open the door" Alex says a little more impatiently, as her concern grows

"I can't get up" Casey says as tears spring to her eyes "I'm fine"

Alex hears the break in the red heads voice, she glances around to see if there is anywhere that Casey might leave a spare key but that slaps herself mentally as she realises that Casey isn't stupid, she wouldn't leave a key outside.

"Do any of your neighbours have a key?" Alex asks through the door, as she hears movement inside

"No. I'm coming" Casey answers, her voice a little louder as she approaches shakily. She smiles weakly as she opens the door a little "See, I'm fine"

"Yeah, that's bull" Alex answers, taking in the sight of her co worker before her

"You came, you've seen me. You should be working" Casey shoots down Alex immediately, asking herself why Alex even came, she probably wanted to be nosey, she decides

"Let me in. Have you eaten?" Alex asks in her lawyer tone. She has a way of talking when she wants something, and on most occasions, Alex Cabot gets what she wants. People have this fear when Alex demands something, she's not threatening but she as hell looks it, and it can frighten you if you aren't used to it. Casey however is, she had seen it a fair few times, and knows its part of Alex's work ethic.

"Alex, I'm fine really. Please, just go back to work" Casey argues

"Nope" Alex places her hand on the door, nudging it gently "Let me in. Let me do you some lunch"

"I haven't got anything in the fridge" Casey replies, this isn't a total lie, there isn't any food in the fridge just a six pack of beers, a bottle of wine and a can of Pepsi.

"Really?" Alex asks sceptically

"Yes, really" Casey says, trying to close the door, she's feeling weak and her legs are finding it increasingly difficult to hold her weight.

Alex notices Casey wobble a little, and pushes the door harder "Let me in Casey, you're sick. You shouldn't be on your own"

Casey is beginning to feel nauseous again, and swears she has just lost the colour she had begun to gain. Instead of arguing, she nods before she retches. Alex swiftly moves out of the way but Casey has nothing left to bring up, as she retches again, her throat stinging with acid. Alex takes the red head around the waist, leading her to the couch.

When Casey is settled with a bowl, a wet flannel across her head and is beginning to drift to sleep, Alex decides to see if Casey has anything she can use to make lunch for the both of them. Opening the fridge, she notices nothing but Alcohol and one lonely can of Pepsi. She has half a mind to pour the beer and wine down the sink but thinks better of it. _'Maybe it isn't what it looks like'_ she tells herself, although there isn't much of her that believes that.

Alex manages to find some crackers, and an unopened jar of jam in the cupboard. She sets about spreading a couple of them for herself and one for Casey, before heading to the couch. Not really wanting to rouse the red head from her sleep, she places the plate on the table before resting her own on her lap as she eats them, every now and then looking at the red head worryingly.

"Case?" she whispers an hour later as she attempts to wake the red head for some water and hoping to tempt her to at least a bite of the cracker.

Casey stirred slowly, opening her eyes she furrows her brows in confusion before groaning "Alex?" she asks slowly

"You fell asleep. I did you a cracker, and some water. You want to try some?" Alex asks caringly

Casey shivers as she comes out of her sleep "I'm cold"

Alex places her hand across the red head's forehead "You're not running a temperature Casey"

Casey shrugs before sipping some water; she looks sheepishly at Alex "You didn't have to stay"

"I know, but you're sick Casey and I'd like to think we are friends. Either way, I wasn't leaving you"

Casey blushes in embarrassment, still feeling a little worse for wear, and still craving another drink. She takes a small bite of the cracker, chewing it slowly before setting it down "Thank you"

The blonde places her hand on the trembling woman "It's nothing" she says

"I'm feeling much better. You can go" Casey says, trying to get Alex to leave so she can be alone

Alex sighs, she's beginning to worry about leaving Casey on her own but doesn't want to seem pushy or overprotective. She nods as she stands "I'll call round after work" she tells the red head

"You don't have to" Casey says quickly, not wanting Alex to return

"I know, but I'm going to. Casey, you know you can talk to me about anything right? I'm a good listener, maybe it will help" she says slowly, and little apprehensively.

"I'm fine" Casey says a little too bluntly and quickly, causing Alex to give her a stern look that says that she knows she is lying. _'She knows, she knows'_ Casey panic to herself

Alex is unsure on what to do, she really wants to give Casey a hug to show her how much she really cares but doesn't want to scare the red head away, and Casey is contemplating the same thing, but merely because she wanders how it would feel to be hugged by the beautiful blonde.

Instead, neither of them moves, until Alex turns and lets herself out, but not before saying "I'll be back later"

* * *

"Have you guys got anything on the Davis/Andrews case?" Alex asks walking into the precinct a little while later

"The search turned up nothing" Elliot said in an annoyed tone

"I guess a confession is too much to hope for" Alex adds

"Well, obviously" Elliot says before apologising "Sorry, I'm just a little pissed"

"I noticed" Alex laughs "Where's Liv?"

"Ladies" he answers "Hey, isn't this Novak's case?"

"Yeah, Casey's sick…I'm just helping her out a little" Alex says turning to head for the restroom

As she enters, she hears the toilet flush and Olivia emerges from one of the stalls "Alex" she acknowledges

"Hey Liv, I just came by to see if you had anything for me on the Davis/Andrews case, Elliot filled me in" Alex explains while Olivia washes her hands

"How's Casey?" Olivia asks and Alex sighs, running a hand through her hair

"I'm worried" Alex states

Olivia raises a brow, and leans on the unit "Why?"

"She's still feeling nauseous. I think she has a problem" Alex explains

"You think she's an alcoholic?" Olivia asks, although she isn't totally surprised

Alex nods "She only had alcohol in her fridge and a can of Pepsi"

"Oh. What are you going to do?" Olivia says, a little warily. She had seen her mother struggle with alcoholism, and it had affected her in more ways than one. Her mother had met her death after a few too many, falling down the subway steps.

"I said I'd call in after work" Alex explains before adding "Come with me"

"I don't think she'd be too happy Alex" Olivia says, she doesn't want the red head to think they are ganging up on her

"I don't think she wants me either Liv. But I think we need to talk to her…just show her that we are there. If she asks us to leave, we will" Alex says, but knows she won't go without a fight

Olivia nods "I don't know when I'll be finished. Call me when you leave the office"

"I will" Alex says as they exit the restroom and head into the squad room

"Have we got enough to charge him Cabot?" Elliot asks, the subject swiftly changing back to business

"It's all circumstantial Elliot, and you know it. His DNA was in the apartment but it means nothing, he was there gas meter reader. We need the murder weapon, and seeing as you didn't find it, you have nothing" Alex explains, but the look from the detectives tells her they already knew what her reply would be

"Sometimes this job sucks" Elliot replies, sighing

"We need to find something else, let's see what Melinda's got for us" Olivia said, giving Alex a quick hug goodbye "See you later"

* * *

Casey is beginning to get restless, she's tried to divert her mind to work, or anything other than the alcohol in her fridge but as soon as her thoughts fell on the blonde that had been so kind to her earlier, she began to ache for a drink more than ever. The thought and feelings she had been having for her co worker were beginning to drive her insane it seemed. Casey had never been attracted to women, in fact, she hadn't really been attracted to men either, of course, there was Charlie, her schizophrenic ex, and Jason Whittaker, but that was as far as her relationship resume had gone.

Charlie had been abusive when he wasn't taking his medication, and that was pretty often, they had been engaged but after he had attacked Casey in her home, she had ended the relationship, no longer being able to be in a relationship with him. He had become homeless and last year, Casey had been notified that he had died as a John Doe.

Jason on the other hand was just a fling, and apart from sex there had been nothing there to base a relationship on. They had mutually agreed not to continue what they had started, but remained friends, although they have not spoken in months.

But thinking about Alex, it had stirred feelings and desires she never knew existed. She found herself wondering how it felt to kiss Alex, to lay wrapped in her arms; she had even had a few explicit dreams where she and the blonde were intimate. Yet there was something frightening about these feelings, they had seemed to grow since seeing the caring, helpful, compassionate side to Alex earlier that day, Granted, Alex was compassionate when it came to victims but she had earned the title "Ice Princess' when starting with SVU and while Casey had not known her long, at times she had understood where this had come from.

Alex and Olivia approached Casey's front door, both had discussed that they would not outright confront the red head but would make her aware that they were there for her if she needed a friends or two. Olivia had suggested bringing take out as not only was she herself hungry, she thought it would be less obvious of their intentions if they came bearing food.

Alex gingerly knocked on the door, and in seconds, it was opened. Casey gave them a wide but obviously false smile in an attempt to squash their fears; she had not been expecting the detective but at the same time was relieved that she wouldn't have to spend the evening alone with the blonde.

"Hey" Alex said smiling "We brought Chinese"

Casey groaned at the thought, but ushered them inside, taking plates from the cupboard and handing them to Alex. She then grabbed the bottle of wine from the unit, as Olivia and Alex gave each other a look of concern. The bottle wasn't open, which relieved them both but at the same time, it was out of the fridge which to Olivia meant that she was contemplating drinking it.

Casey was relieved to be able to drink, as she poured three glasses, downing hers in one, she poured herself another before carrying them over the couch where Olivia was setting out the food.

Alex gave Casey a sad smile as the red head looked at her, taking a gulp of her wine. Casey turned her head away feeling guilty, before placing the glass on the table

"Do you think you should be drinking Casey?" Olivia asked tentatively, but on receiving a glare from the red head continued "You were pretty sick earlier"

"I'm feeling much better" Casey said, giving a wide smile as if to emphasise and prove a point as she took some noodles and a few prawn crackers and put them on her plate.

Olivia just raised her brows and sighed. They ate in relative silence, none of them really knowing what to say.

"I guess I better be off" Olivia said, as she made way to move. She glanced at Casey who was drinking her third glass of wine, before looking at Alex with concern on her face.

"Thanks for the dinner" Casey said, slightly slurred

"I'm going to stay" Alex whispered, hugging the brunette. Olivia nodded her agreement, the pair of them mutually voicing their concern to one another as Olivia exited the apartment.

"Casey" Alex said taking the glass from the red head… "I'm going to make you a coffee"

Casey tried to reach for the glass but Alex hurried into the kitchen, pouring the remains into the sink, Casey tried to take the bottle but Alex's reflexes were quicker than the red head's, who was a little intoxicated. She poured the remainder of the bottle down the sink, before making two coffees.

Casey was sitting on the couch, tears spilling down her face. Alex immediately grew concerned, and felt for her co worker "Come here" she whispered opening her arms as she sat beside her

Casey just leant into the blonde as she wept "I don't know what's wrong with me" she admitted through her tears, tearing at Alex's heart with the admission.

**Reviews will be most welcome. If you have an ideas or things you'd like to see, let me know. I may get the next chapter up tomorrow, depending on how things go with work, and I go and see my sister and nephews on Wednesday's, but I may manage to get something up...**


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N: Thank you to all those following this story, those who have added it to their favourites and those that have reviewed. Does mean a lot to me.**

Chapter 3

Casey slept in the blonde's arms for most of the night, waking in the not too early hours of Saturday morning. She began to freak when she realised what she had done, of course she was pretty embarrassed and pissed that she had allowed them to see her vulnerable, and that Alex and Olivia were now going to be on her case to get help, but when she thought about breaking down in Alex's arms, and concluded that she must have fallen to sleep, it frightened her just a little.

Alex opened her eyes at the movement "Casey" she whispered quietly "Go back to sleep, it's not even 6am"

"I'm sorry, you must be really uncomfortable" Casey said removing herself from Alex's grasp

"Not really" Alex answered "I slept really well actually"

Casey tried to hide her shock at this admission; she couldn't believe that Alex didn't mind sleeping on the couch, in her apartment, with her. "You go take the bed"

"Don't be silly, I slept fine here, and if you let me, I'll sleep for another few hours" Alex said, closing her eyes. She was not a morning person, and it was her day off, so she didn't intend to be up before 9am.

Casey mumbled incoherently, as she allowed Alex to drift back to sleep. Removing herself from the couch, she thought about having a drink, as her hands were sweaty and her body shaky with the effects of withdrawal but somehow managed to talk herself out of it. Whether it was the fact that the blonde was there, or because she really knew she needed to try and go without she wasn't sure but either way, she wouldn't succumb to her desire for alcohol.

Deciding to busy herself, she set about cleaning the kitchen worktops, cupboards, and tables, humming a tune quietly as she did so.

* * *

Around 2 hours later, Alex heard the sound of the Hoover, waking her from her sleep, she grumpily sat up, but when she looked at Casey busy in the throes of housework, and noticed the overly cleaned kitchen and living room, she knew that Casey was struggling.

She located the plug and switched the flick, startling the red head, who turned and glared at her. Alex gave a small smile "Relax" she said sternly

Casey turned her head away, her cheeks flush with embarrassment, and she continued to move cushions and papers from the armchair and table "You're awake"

"Very well noticed, I wouldn't be if you hadn't have woken me" Alex said, she wasn't annoyed, it was just that she liked to wake herself up naturally when she wasn't due to work and it caused her to be a little tetchy in the mornings

"Sorry" Casey almost whispered

Alex noticed the frightful, apologetic look that had graced the red heads face "I'll make coffee" she offered, heading into the kitchen

"I'll do it" Casey said quickly, getting a little flustered at the thought of her morning organisation being messed up. She busied herself making the coffees as Alex lent against the counter, with a concerned and sad look upon her face "I haven't got anything for breakfast"

"That's fine, when we've drunk these, maybe we could go grab breakfast out" Alex suggests

Casey gave a half smile as she nodded, and handed Alex a mug.

They drank their coffees quietly until Alex asked "You haven't got any plans for today, have you?"

"Not really" Casey answered, this was true, her only plans were to stay in, watch the television and drink

Alex didn't want to push the red head into talking, but she wanted to build a friendship with her. In truth, Alex had found herself attracted to Casey although she was adamant the red head would not feel the same. Heck, she didn't even know if Casey liked women, but she wanted to be friends with the other woman, and thought that if she instigated some time together, they could build something from it.

"How about after we get breakfast, we go for a walk in Central Park, or we could go to the mall, do some shopping?"

Casey smiles, she'd really like to spend some time with the blonde, and maybe she could figure out what these feelings she was having for her were, whether it was just a crush or something more.

"I'd like that" she replies, drinking the last of her coffee, and placing the mug on the table. "I'm going to go shower"

After Casey has showered, she emerges from the bathroom, swapping places with the blonde.

* * *

Nearly an hour and a half later, they are sitting in the local café eating breakfast. Alex has a cheese omelette and coffee, while Casey has some toast and orange juice.

"Why are you doing this?" Casey asks, before turning as red as her hair and lowering her head. She hadn't meant to say that out loud

"If you mean breakfast, because I'm hungry" Alex says chuckling, she was surprised at the bluntness of Casey's question, but she found it pretty endearing and cute that she had let her thoughts slip out

Casey mumbled something unintelligible, as she took another bite of her toast and Alex sighed…_'What's going on?'_ she wonders to herself but choosing not to prompt further.

Once they had finished their breakfasts, Alex paid before they left.

Walking through Central Park, Casey's mind was on the blonde and the blonde's mind was on Casey. Both women were trying to understand their feelings for the other.

Casey was unsure of whether what she felt for Alex was just because she wanted a friend, some comfort, or whether it was a crush, or anything more. As it has been established, the red head had never before had these type of thoughts and feelings for another woman and it frightened her slightly.

Alex on the other hand was trying to understand whether she only felt attracted to Casey because she was concerned for her. She found the woman intriguing, but there was also something else, a pull inside her that seemed to grow whenever the red head smiled, laughed, blushed and even as she had already done a couple of times, tripped.

They took a rest, sitting on a bench. Alex wrapped her arm tentatively around the red heads shoulders, a little unsure of the reaction it might provoke but sensing the red head's anxiousness as the morning wears on.

"Alex?" Casey asks, looking at the blonde

"Sorry" Alex says quickly, pulling her arm back.

She doesn't expect Casey to pull it back "It's okay"

"I want us to be friends, Case. If I'm too much though, do tell me, sometimes I don't think" Alex says, blushing because she actually would like it if they could be more than just friends

"I'd like that" Casey says, her heart doing somersaults at the contact, although her body is still trembling a little.

"So, friends know things about each other" Alex starts "And I'd like to get to know you. So spill, Novak"

"Oh…um" Casey begins nervously "I'm 32; I have 2 sisters, both older than me. I grew up in South Carolina, but moved to New York as soon as I was 18"

"You're a south eastern girl…I never would have guessed" Alex laughed, relaxing the red head as she nudged her "And you're the baby of the family"

This caused Casey to tense, something dually noted by the blonde but not brought into topic as Alex had sworn to herself that she wouldn't bring up anything that unnerved or upset her now established friend.

"Well, I'm an oldie by your standards, I'm 36" Alex grins, making Casey laugh and then blush at her own thoughts "I'm a New Yorker through and through, even though I moved to Massachusetts to go to Law School. And I'm an only child"

"I hear you went to Harvard" Casey mentions, this is something that always made her in awe of the blonde.

"I did. Where did you study Law?" Alex asks, actually realising she knows very little about her co worker, and now friend.

"New York University" Casey says, feeling a little shy and embarrassed that she hadn't been able to attend Harvard, her family couldn't afford it and she wasn't privileged to receive a scholarship.

"It's funny, how I was born here but moved away to go to school, where as you lived elsewhere and came here"

"I guess it is" Casey acknowledged "What made you come back to New York?"

"It's my home. I've known nowhere else, and my Mother still lived here" Alex said, a little sadly

"Are you and your Mom close?"

"We were. She died a few years ago" Alex said, remembering the day she heard the news, while away at a conference in DC.

"Oh, I'm sorry" Casey said, feeling a little bad

"It's okay. What about you?"

"We've never been that close" Casey says quietly, all of sudden feeling a little queasy.

Alex notices the change in skin tone, albeit the fact that Casey is already rather pale in complexion. "You okay?" she questions

"Yeah" Casey says, taking a deep breath "I'm sorry, I think I'm going to head home. I've had a lovely morning"

"Let me walk with you, we live pretty near one another. You don't look too good" she acknowledges, steadying the red head as she stands

They walk back to Casey's, and Alex begins to grow concerned when Casey stops outside the off licence, looking at the alcohol on display "Casey?"

"Mmm" Casey says, still transfixed on the shelves and Alex pulls her gently away from the shop

"You need to stop drinking" Alex says, causing Casey to snap her head up and scowl

"I'm fine"

"Maybe you think you are, but you were really sick, and you're still not right" Alex says, as they enter Casey's apartment

Casey slips free of the blonde's grasp and heads to her bedroom, not risking getting a drink in front of Alex and trying to think of a way to get Alex to leave "I'm tired"

"So sleep. I'll be here when you wake and then we will talk" Alex says sternly, reverting back to her lawyer tone that she had used the previous day

"I'm fine on my own, we don't need to talk" Casey sighs

"But we do…Case, you're shaking because you are having withdrawal symptoms and I know you want to drink right now. You need help"

Casey takes a breath but it gets caught in her emotion as the tears escape her eyes "I know" she whispers

"And I'm going to help you. You need to make an appointment with your doctor, and maybe think about going to AA meetings" Alex says, wrapping her arm around the red head

Casey nods through her tears, as she closes her eyes

"I'm your friend Case and you aren't alone. Does your Mom know about your drinking?"

Casey shakes her head "She wouldn't care anyway. I'm not Caitlyn or Caroline"

"Your sisters?" Alex asks quietly

Casey nods, as she wipes her tears "I'm sorry"

"You don't need to apologise for anything Casey. How long has this been going on?"

"Only a few weeks, since the Lucy Maverick Case"

"The 5 year old that was found in the Hudson?" Alex asks "That was your first solo case"

"I know" Casey says, sighing

"You're a great Attorney Casey. SVU is tough but you've really got something, you really work hard, too hard in fact. You need to go easy on yourself, lean on me when you feel like you're not able to deal with things, but don't use drink to drown your sorrows"

"Thank you" she manages, smiling a little

"You're welcome. You're my friend, okay…and that's what friends do. I'll build you up, and you can lean on me, and you can build me up and I'll lean on you"

"Isn't Olivia your closest friend?" Casey asks

"We're close, yes but that doesn't mean you and I can't be. Maybe we could go out one day, the three of us"

"I'd like that" Casey says, feeling a lot better

"You still tired?" Alex asks the red head

"Not particularly"

"How about you come over to mine, we can watch a movie, or something?" Alex asks the red head smiling.

"You sure?" Casey asks tentatively

Alex nods, pushing a strand of hair from the red heads face; she forgets herself for a moment as she leans forward and presses her lips to the red heads. Casey is startled and pulls away "Alex"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" Alex apologises, moving away

Casey nods "We were going to go and watch a move at yours" she says quickly, a little unsure of what just happened and why. _'Does Alex have feelings for me? Was I too obvious, did I lead her on? She can't like me like that, can she? Oh my god, is she gay?'_

Neither woman can look at each other or speak as they exit the apartment. Alex is chastising herself for getting lost in the moment, and worries how this might affect the red head.

**What will happen now? Will they talk about the kiss or will they pretend it never happened and will Casey get the help she needs? Reviews welcome **


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N: So her's another chapter for you. I'm really enjoying writing this story, more so than any of my others, maybe it's because I have so many ideas already for this, and where I want it to go and because it's not as dark and as difficult to write.**

**Thank you for the reviews and follows/favourites, all really makes my day when I read them and see that you are enjoying this.**

**Who watched the latest SVU? I do have some new found respect for Barba, but he isn't Alex or Casey. (obviously) **

Chapter 4

They sat on the couch in Alex's apartment. Casey was blown away by the size of the penthouse suite in which the blonde resides. The walls in the lounge area were a subtle cream, and the framework was a deep burgundy. The couch was dark leather, and there were lights absolutely everywhere.

It was tasteful and chic, while classy and elegant and Casey thought it fitted Alex perfectly. There were a few ornaments and photographs lining the fireplace and wall, and it gave it a gentle homey look.

Casey was thinking, about the kiss that Alex had given while at her apartment, as was Alex. They were watching a drama series that Alex had fallen in love with and had wanted to watch the latest episode while it was on.

"Alex?" Casey asked, trying to get the blonde's attention

"Mmm" she mumbled in response

"Damn it Alex, are we going to pretend it never happened?" Casey said, feeling a little angry and confused

"What?" Alex said, although she knew full well what Casey was asking, she just didn't know what to say for the best

"You kissed me" Casey blurted, a little too forcefully shoving the matter into Alex's face

"I did, I did. Case, I'm sorry. I apologised already" Alex said, feeling guilty as she wrung her hands together

"Why?"

"Why what?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow

"Why did you kiss me?" Casey asked, looking directly at the blonde

"I, um, we, you, I…sorry" Alex said, apologising again

"Do you…? I mean are you…you know?" Casey asked, stuttering, mimicking the blonde but unintentionally

"If you're asking am I gay, then yes. But I know you're not, and I know that it was wrong of me, and I'm sorry" Alex said breathlessly trying to convey all her thoughts into words while keeping the deeper ones hidden

"I…maybe I should go" Casey says quickly, feelings frighten her and this whole situation is awkward and confusing

"Case" Alex starts but doesn't want to sound patronising

"I'll call you a little later" Casey says, knowing that Alex wants to tell her not to drink; she knows that Alex will worry herself

Alex nods, standing, she opens her arms to the red head, who steps into them, they share a brief hug as Casey leaves Alex standing in the centre of the room, confused, angry and a little concerned for her friend.

Alex sighs and decides to phone Olivia, she needs to vent to someone, to talk and try and make sense of all this, and because she hopes that Olivia will go and check on the red head for her.

"Benson" comes the answer as the call connects

"Liv, it's Alex" Alex says

"Hey. What's up?" Olivia asks

"Casey" Alex replies as if that would tell the brunette on the phone everything

"What happened?" Olivia asks, and Alex can hear the worry in Olivia's voice

"I kissed her" Alex says, sighing

"You what? Oh my god Alex, what did you do that for?" Olivia says, obviously in shock

"I don't know. I just…she…I think…" Alex stutters out, feeling the tears pool in her eyes

"You want me to come over?" Olivia asks quietly

"Can you? Can you check on Casey for me first though?" Alex asks, fighting her emotions

"I take it that she didn't respond too well" Olivia acknowledges

Alex can hear the brunette moving around as she talks to her on the phone "We talked about it, sort of, and I don't know, she kind of left after asking me if I was gay"

"Ah, okay. Listen, I'll run round there now, well, I'll drive but you know what I mean" Olivia tries to get Alex to relax

"Yeah. Thanks"

"I won't be long. I'll see you soon" Olivia says, hanging up.

Alex sighs, plopping herself back down on the couch '_I am such an idiot!' _she says to herself

"Fuck" she exclaims out loud.

* * *

Olivia knocks loudly on Casey's door, it immediately swinging open

"Olivia" Casey says a little taken aback by the detective at her door

"Can I come in?"

"Um, yeah" Casey says raising an eyebrow as she steps back to let Olivia enter

"How are you?" Olivia asks turning to face the red head relieved that she doesn't seem to have had any alcohol

"Alex sent you" Casey says sighing, sitting on the couch

"She was worried"

"Well I'm fine" Casey says, running her hand through her hair

"She told me what happened"

"She kissed me" Casey tells Olivia, although the brunette obviously knows this

"And?" Olivia prods; she's hoping to find out something to give to the blonde when she sees her

"I don't know" Casey sighs "I like her Olivia"

"But you're not gay"

"She is, did you know…of course you did" Casey says, standing up "Would you like a coffee, or water, or something?"

"Water's fine" Olivia responds "What are you thinking?"

"I've never been attracted to a woman before"

"But you are attracted to Alex?" Olivia questions

Casey nods as she hands Olivia a glass of water "Yeah, I am"

"So?"

"So, I don't know why she kissed me" Casey says

"Well usually it's because someone likes you, and I think Alex likes you. She was stuttering when she called me, Alex only does that when she's confused or nervous, and when she really likes someone" Olivia says, remembering back when Alex and Abbie were together, and how Alex would stutter every time she spoke about the young brunette.

"You think?" Casey asks wide eyed

"I do. Casey, you need to tell Alex how you feel"

"I guess. Olivia?" Casey says, nervously

"Yes?"

"I'm going to get some help with the drinking. I'm making an appointment with my doctor tomorrow"

"That's good" Olivia acknowledges, giving the red head a smile

"Thank you" Casey says

"It's nothing. I'd like if we could be friends" Olivia suggests

"I'd like that too"

"I'm heading to Alex's now Case. You want to come with me?"

"Um, okay" Casey says, taking a breath, and grabbing her jacket

* * *

"Olivia!" Alex cried "I was such an idiot" she threw her arms around Olivia, sobbing uncontrollably

Olivia was a little taken aback by the emotions radiating from the blonde and realised that Alex must have been worrying herself silly while she waited for her to arrive "Al…" she whispered

"Mmm" Alex said, breathing rapidly as she rested her head on Olivia's shoulder

"Alex" Casey said quietly, causing the blonde to open her eyes as she noticed the red head for the first time

"Shit!" she exclaimed, composing herself

Olivia chuckled "I'll leave you both to talk" she said, releasing Alex from her grasp as she turned to leave

"I…um…I guess…do you want to come in?" Alex stuttered out blushing from the embarrassment of her emotional breakdown

"Okay" Casey replied shakily

Once they were settled on the couch, Casey started "Alex? I'm sorry I walked out like that"

"It's fine Casey. I don't blame you, I was an idiot"

"No you weren't. I was a bit shocked, and to be honest, I'm scared" Casey admitted looking at the blonde who was resting against the arm of the couch, cross legged as she faced her

"Of what?" Alex asks, raising a brow

"This…us…what I'm feeling" Casey almost whispered

"And what are you feeling?"

"I like you"

"I like you too" Alex smiled sighing in relief

"I've never felt like this with a woman before"

Alex nodded, not sure what to say to that. For her, she had never had feelings for a man, and is trying to imagine how it would feel if she did, '_I'd be terrified' _she concluded to herself

"What about you, I mean, how do you feel about me?"

"Like I said, I like you, a lot. Casey, you're beautiful, and so is your heart. I really would like to see where this goes"

"I'm not beautiful" Casey mutters

"You are Case. You have lovely eyes, and gosh, how can you not see?" Alex says, shifting so she is sitting beside the red head

"No one's ever said that before" Casey says "Thank you"

"It's true Case" Alex rests her hand on top of Casey's. The red head smiles as she feels the spark radiate through her body, the gasp in Alex's breath tells her the blonde felt it too

"I…" Casey says, looking into Alex's eyes

"I…" Alex starts at the same time, mirroring the red head's gaze

Both of them chuckle as Alex inches forward so they are inches from each other

"Can I?" Alex asks quietly, wanting to be sure that Casey is okay before she does what she's wanting to

Casey nods, closing her eyes as Alex presses her lips gently to the red heads. Casey sighs in response, before responding, wrapping her arms around the blonde's waist. Casey is surprised at how soft Alex's lips are as the blonde runs her tongue across her lips, Casey allows Alex to deepen the kiss, parting her lips to allow the blonde's tongue access.

Their tongues glide together as Alex cups Casey's cheek, letting out a suppressed moan of pleasure

Casey smiles as she pulls away, both of them finding the need for air. Alex then recaptures Casey's lips again in a quick, but loving kiss.

When they finally break free, Alex lets out a little chuckle, causing Casey to playfully nudge her "What's funny?"

"Nothing, I just…wow, that was just…amazing"

"I agree" Casey smiles, leaning into Alex's arms, as they sigh contentedly.

"You want me to do us some lunch?" Alex asks

"Um" Casey starts "I suppose"

"What is it Case?" Alex asks, noticing the tension returning to Casey's shoulders

"Nothing" Casey mumbles quickly

"That's bull and we both know it. Talk to me please"

"I…I don't eat much" Casey says "I just…look at me"

"I am, and I see a beautiful woman, with a lovely figure" Alex says, catching on to Casey's worries quickly

"I just feel ugly" Casey sighs

"You're not. Come into the kitchen, you can choose what you have" Alex says, aware that Casey doesn't need to be forced into eating, but given choices so she can control what she eats

"Ok" Casey sighs, as she takes the hand Alex has extended to her

In the kitchen, Alex mixes an egg with milk to make omelettes, as Casey looks at the packets of soup that the blonde has gotten out for her. Casey is relieved that she isn't being forced to eat a heavy lunch, or anything too fattening.

"I'll have chicken and lemongrass" Casey says quietly

"Good choice" Alex smiles, as she pours the mix she has finished into the frying pan

"I'll do it" Casey offers, taking a mug from the rack and filling the kettle

"Case?" Alex asks turning to look at the red head "Why do you feel ugly?"

"I…my sisters, they've always been slim and I…when I was younger, they were always told they were pretty but my mom, she…I was…too dirty, too boyish. I just…it's hard to believe it when people say otherwise"

"You are beautiful, you are slim Casey. You're tiny"

"No, you're tiny" Casey says, looking at Alex seriously

"I'm tall" Alex says "Seriously Casey, you don't need to diet"

Casey nods "I was anorexic when I was younger" she admits

"Now?" Alex says, cautiously

"I'm eating. I just don't eat a lot"

"You can eat healthily and maintain a good figure Case. Please, take care of yourself"

"I will" Casey says, filling the mug with water as Alex plates up her omelette.

They eat on the couch, with Casey sitting between Alex legs. "You okay?" Alex asks Casey who is rather quiet

"Yeah, just thinking"

"About?" Alex asks

"Drinking" Casey murmurs

"Case, you don't need…" she starts but is cut off by the red head

"I know. I wasn't…let me tell you something" she says, taking a deep breath

**What will Casey tell Alex? Reviews are welcome**


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N: Okay so this a pretty short chapter I'm afraid, but that's because the next chapter is going to be a bit longer than the previous ones.**

**This chapter deals with Casey opening up to Alex, it shouldn't be too difficult for you to read but if you've ever suffered with an eating disorder then be aware that this chapter does involve Casey talking quite candidly about her struggles. **

**Thank you for the reviews**

**RizzlesandSVU: I am glad you are enjoying this. I will definately involve Olivia a lot more in coming chapters, and yes, Abbie will make an appearance soon!**

Chapter 5

Alex nods, she is ready to hear anything that Casey wants to share. She really does like the red head, and wants to learn everything about her, the good and the bad, she wants to know the irrelevant things, the small quirks, thoughts, memories that Casey has. She wants to know her completely and in return will allow herself to be open completely.

"I wasn't planned, my Mom got pregnant by accident, a mix up with her contraceptive pills led to me being conceived. My Mother and Father were going through a pretty rough divorce, and neither were ready for another child but being Catholics, they were against abortion which makes me laugh because they should have been against divorce" Casey began, sighing when she came to talk about her parents ideals.

Alex nodded, to show she was listening, putting a hand tentatively on Casey's knee, giving a gentle squeeze of reassurance. Casey smiled, and relaxed, glad that Alex was there.

"Caitlyn is 6 years older than me and Caroline is 4 years older than me, they were always so pretty, they loved dancing, and make up and boys, and I wasn't like that. I liked softball and tennis; I liked Maths and Science and always wanted to be a lawyer"

"Your parents should be proud Case" Alex said, seriously

"But they aren't. Mom hates that I work for SVU, she thinks it's crude and unladylike. I've never pleased her Alex. I always wanted to be as good as my sisters, but no matter what grades I got, or what awards I won at school, I wasn't what my Mom wanted me to be, pretty"

"You are though Case" Alex said, moving her hand up to Casey's thigh. She wasn't aware of her movements becoming more intimate but Casey was, and she was finding it difficult to control her breathing and emotions.

"I just…when I was 14, I got a letter sent home from the school informing my Mom I was overweight for my age/height…so it was out with anything with an ounce of fat, and eating healthily, but it was awful. In the end, I didn't eat at all, no breakfast or lunch, and then dinner was a warm salad, courtesy of my Mom's healthy eating plan. No one noticed I wasn't eating, or that I was losing weight, or if they did, they never said anything. I weighed myself constantly, but I still felt ugly and fat and no one told me I wasn't"

"Oh Casey" Alex whispered, trying not to pity the red head but feeling for her regardless. She had noticed Casey beginning to fight the tears that welled in her eyes, and pulled her close to give comfort

"I just" Casey sighed "I just wanted to be like them. When I was 16, I went out with a few girls from school, they smuggled alcohol into their backpacks, and we sat in the park drinking…I was wasted, and they left me there. I was miles from home, miles from anywhere familiar, so I just walked and walked" Casey whispered…remembering that day ever so clearly.

"They weren't your friends if they left you there" Alex said carefully

"I know. They used me; they told their parents it was me that got the alcohol. No one wanted to talk to me, no one wanted to know me" Casey choked out

Alex placed a gentle kiss on the red heads cheek "I want to know you" she said quietly

"Thank you" Casey said after a minute taken to compose herself "I vowed never to drink again, until after that first case, when my Mom phoned me. I told her that I lost the case, and she wasn't at least a little bothered, she just changed the subject. Like she had expected me to lose and I just wanted to forget, to stop feeling something, so I drank until I couldn't stand and it just got worse"

"I told you Case, that was a tough one. You did all you could, and we don't always win, but you are a good attorney. You really are. You don't need to drink" Alex said confidently, placing a chaste kiss on Casey's lips

Casey pulled away and Alex quickly said "Was that a bit forward? I'm sorry" before Casey smiled and said,

"It was perfect" capturing Alex's lips with her own, in a gentle kiss that conveyed so much in such a short time.

"I'm going to make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow, hopefully for Monday. Can you cover me for a few hours if I text you the time?" Casey asks

"Would you like me to come with you?" Alex says, tentatively not sure if she was being too pushy or crowding

"Would you?" Casey asks, wide eyed, a little taken aback but acknowledging she would like the company

"Of course" Alex smiles "I'm proud of you"

* * *

2 hours later and both Alex and Casey were sitting on the couch in Alex's apartment. They had spent the time talking, and both had tried to stray and keep away from touchy or deep subjects. Alex had found out that Casey still played softball in her spare time and liked to run. Casey on the other hand had learnt that while Alex was an only child, she had many cousins of different ages, she also learnt that Alex was a novelist, and enjoyed stories and films based around law, but was also partial to crime drama and romantic comedy.

It was while watching Legally Blonde, that Casey became aware of just how beautiful the blonde beside her was. She kept glancing at Alex every time she smiled or laughed and loved how her shoulders would tremble when she was found something deliriously funny.

Casey was a little frightened of her growing feelings, and wasn't sure how best to confront them.

"I want to take this slow" she blurted, blushing "Why can't I keep my thoughts to myself?!"

"Case" Alex said smiling "We can take this as slow as you like, and for the record, I love it when you blush like that, you look even more beautiful"

Casey blushed a deeper shade of crimson as Alex giggled, she actually giggled, and Casey thought it was the loveliest sound she had ever heard.

"Can I take you to dinner?" Alex asked shyly, unsure of why she felt like a teenager with a crush

"Um, I, sure" Casey said, a little taken aback

"Tonight?" Alex asked hopefully

Casey nodded "I'd like that"

"Then it's a date" Alex said before quickly amending "If you want it to be?"

"It's a date" Casey echoed "I guess I better go get myself ready"

Alex smiled, as she stood, offering a hand to the red head who promptly took it, before picking up her jacket.

"I'll call round about 6.3O" Alex half asked, half explained

"Sounds great" Casey said, giving Alex an awkward hug

Alex smiled, before placing her hands either side of the red heads face, and bringing their lips together in a longing, meaningful kiss that began to deepen before Casey pulled away "See you later" Alex said quietly as Casey exited the apartment.

* * *

When Casey had gone, Alex did a little dance, which most would think childish but there was a young side to the blonde that not many could bring out. _'What am I going to wear? Oh my god, why did I have to do this tonight, I haven't got anything good enough'_ she panicked. Alex already knew exactly where she was taking the red head, relaxing a little she began to undress, before stepping naked into the shower.

Meanwhile Casey was also in a little bit of a panic _'Where are we going? What do I wear?'_

She decided on texting the blonde to find out a little bit about what to wear, and hoping to find out what the blonde would be wearing

**_Where are we going and what shall I wear? Help! _**

Alex chuckled at the message as she stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel one handed around herself

**_It's a surprise. Not too casual but be comfortable. You'll look amazing anyway. Al_** **_xx_** she sent back, smiling as she rooted through her closet for the perfect dress.

**NEXT CHAPTER: THE FIRST DATE! Reviews please**


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N: Thank you to those that are reading and reviewing :)**

**Here's the next chapter. Enjoy**

Chapter 6

"George, Can you get the terrace set up for a romantic meal?" Alex asked, while combing through her blonde locks, as she held the phone to her ear

"Don't tell Miss Cabot finally has a date?" came a deep voice through the receiver

"Yes I do actually, a very special one so no skimping" Alex chuckled, unable to keep the blush and grin from her face

"Consider it done. Any dietary requirements Garret should know about?"

"Oh, um. I'll get back to you" Alex said, annoyed that she'd forgotten to ask Casey beforehand

"Right" George said, as he hangs up.

Alex quickly dialled the red head, who picked up on the second ring

"Al?" Casey questioned through the receiver

"Hey Case. Sorry to disturb you while you were getting ready but any dietary requirements, allergies and stuff?" Alex asked

"Nope. I'm not a meat eater really, not that I'm a vegetarian but I just don't eat meat often" Casey said quietly. Alex could tell that the subject of food was unnerving the red head

"I bet you look beautiful Case, I can't wait to see you" Alex said huskily

"Can't wait to see you either" Casey smiled, relaxing a little "I miss you"

"See you in a little while" Alex said before hanging up.

She decided to text George instead of ringing, as she didn't want to get into talking about Casey. She was a little unsure of how the red head would feel about disclosing whatever this was between them so quickly, and George was a gossip, it wouldn't be secret for long.

**_No meats, something light without much dressing. Simple but elegant x_**

Alex hoped this would convey what she was trying to say without actually saying it.

Sighing, Alex set about pulling on her dress and tying up her hair. She had chosen a simple spaghetti strapped pale blue dress that fell just above the knees and was going to team it with white heels and a white cardigan.

At promptly Six thirty five, Alex stood outside Casey's apartment. She took a deep breath before tapping on the door. It opened and Alex gasped at the sight before her. Casey was wearing black leggings with silver ballet pumps, with a silver dress that rested a little way above the knees. Alex thought she looked beautiful, and the gasp told Casey exactly that.

"Hi" Casey said quietly "You look amazing Alex"

Alex smiled "I was going to say something similar, you look gorgeous"

Casey blushed and bowed her head low; Alex touched her chin and lifted her head, placing a delicate kiss on the red head's lips before smiling "Are you ready?"

Casey nodded, shutting her door as she stepped from the apartment. Once locking the door and pocketing her keys, Alex took her hand carefully as they made their way from the second floor via the stairway.

Casey was feeling nervous, her whole body was shaking, and Alex had noticed, it was at that moment that she realised she hadn't given George the no alcohol rule, quickly grabbing her phone, she sent a text

**_Non alcohol beverages only! _**

Almost immediately her phoned buzzed, she groaned as she read

**_Okay. You're not dating a minor are you Cabot?_**

Casey noticed the look on the blonde's face and gave a small smile "You okay?" she asked

"Never better" Alex smiled back as they exited the building.

Casey gasped at the car awaiting them, it was a white Bentley GT Coupe, it had belonged to Alex's father but her cousin George had inherited it when he had passed away. George smiled "Alex and…" he began

"Casey" Alex added, giving him the red heads name for the first time since she had called earlier

"Alex and Casey, you're carriage awaits" he grinned, nudging Alex

"Casey, this is George, one of my many annoying cousins" Alex said playfully

Casey extended her hand but George ignored it, opting for a swift hug instead. When they were on their way, Casey whispered to Alex, "Where are we going?"

"Wait and see. It's somewhere special" Alex replied, causing Casey to smile. She was blown away by how perfect things had been so far and to think that Alex was taking her somewhere special, she felt happier than she had in a long time.

They pulled up outside a very large and elegant looking house, which Casey classed as a mansion, it was that big. "Wow" was all that Casey could manage before furrowing her brow "I thought we were going to dinner?"

"We are. This was my parent's place. George and his partner Garret live here now, and we often have family parties and gatherings here and George is kind enough to lend the terrace for dates" Alex said laughing

"You've brought girlfriends here before" Casey said, in which Alex shook her head in reply

"Not me. You're my first I've brought here" Alex said as they stepped out of the car. Alex wrapped her arms around the red head, kissing her gently on the lips "You're special"

Casey melted at the admission, as she allowed Alex to lead her inside up the side steps to the terrace. When they reached the top, Alex smiled in appreciation while Casey stood open mouthed. There was a table in the centre, with a chair either side, and on the table was a single orchid, and a tiny candle that glowed in the already darkening sky.

Alex pulled out a chair for Casey who smiled and thought how gentlemanly Alex was. She sat in the chair, as Alex lifted a bottle from a bucket beside the table, Casey's breath hitched as she saw the glass bottle "It's non alcoholic" Alex told her, in which Casey breathed a relieved "Thank you"

After pouring two glasses Alex began to speak "Casey, You are a wonderful, beautiful woman who has captured my heart. You are special, and that's why I brought you here, because there is no one I would rather share this place with than you. Some of my cousins have brought many people to this terrace but for me, no one meant enough until you. You mean so much to me, and I am so happy that you are here with me"

Casey felt the tears pooling in her eyes and was hopeless to stop them, she nodded, unable to convey anything she was feeling with words, instead she reached to grasp the blonde's hand, given it a squeeze

Garret arrived with the meals and smiled as he saw the two ladies sharing the moment.

He placed two plates of Pasta with Chanterelle Mushrooms in front of the ladies, and earned a smile from Alex. "Here we go my ladies"

"Thanks Garret" Alex said "This is Casey. Case, this is Garret. George's other half"

"Nice to meet you" Casey said

"This looks delicious" Alex exclaimed and Casey nodded her agreement. She was extremely nervous about the type of place they were going and when she realised they were having a meal somewhere personal, she was worried about what she would be expected to eat but now she had relaxed, seeing the simple yet romantic meal that had been presented to her

Garret left the ladies to eat. Alex watched Casey as she took a mouthful of the pasta but relaxed when the red head murmured her approval "Mmm"

"Is it good?" Alex asked

"Oh yes. How did Garret learn to cook like this?" Casey asked, taking another mouthful

Alex smiled as she started to tuck in "Mmm, it is good" she agreed "Garret is a chef but he got made redundant when the restaurant he worked at closed down"

"That sucks" Casey exclaimed

"Yeah it does. But I know he'll find something else. He and George want to open their own restaurant"

"What's stopping them?" Casey asked

Alex took a deep breath, and sighed. She hadn't planned on divulging this information on their first date but she had promised herself that she would open herself to Casey as the red head had done so herself. "When my Father died, he gave George his car, and when my Mother went shortly afterwards, he got this place. My other cousins all got a lump sum of a few thousand dollars.

While this place is worth a small fortune, George never wanted to sell it. He'd feel like he'd betray my parents. You see, George is an only child like me, and his parents died when he was quite young. He was taken in by My Aunt Rosa and Uncle Carlson who have 3 daughters, they aren't as wealthy but my Mother and Father never let him go without"

"So they don't have the funds to do it, unless they sell this place?" Casey questions

"In plain terms yes" Alex answers

"Would you be annoyed if they sold this place Alex?"

"No, and they know that. But still George refuses, he says it's a place with a lot of memories and he is right, but I would rather they both be happy and that they reach their dreams"

"You should tell them that, if you haven't already" Casey explains

"I have" Alex says "Can we talk about something else?"

Casey notices the discomfort that Alex is having talking about her parents and the money situation "Sorry" she apologises "What shall we talk about?"

"Anything" Alex smiles as she finishes her pasta "That was really good"

Casey nods, as she puts down her fork "Yeah it's delicious" she says looking at Alex questionably "They won't be offended that I didn't finish?"

"Of course not" Alex says pouring herself some more of the white grape spritzer, before offering to Casey who nods.

Alex stands, and offers a hand to Casey who stands, looking confused. The terrace is filled with music as Alex whispers "Can I have this dance?"

I'll always remember,  
the song they were playing,  
the first time we danced and I knew

as we swayed to the music,  
and held to each other,  
I fell in love with you

Casey smiled, as she snuggled into Alex arms, her own wrapped around the blonde's waist as she rested her head on Alex's shoulder. They swayed as the music played, both feeling relaxed and happy. Casey's breath hitched at the last line, and she wondered if Alex had chosen the song for its words and if it meant something.

Could I have this dance  
for the rest of my life,  
Could you be my partner  
every night,  
when we're together  
it feels so right,  
Could I have this dance  
for the rest of my life

Alex smiled as she held Casey close to her, hoping that they'd stay together forever. She did love the red head, and had hoped to convey that without actually speaking the words. She kept remembering Casey saying that she wanted to take things slow, and wouldn't scare the red head with those three words just yet.

They moved together as the song continued to play. George and Garret had come up to see if they wanted dessert and were moved at the sight before them.

"I'm glad she's found someone" George said of Alex

"Me too. She deserves a little happiness" Garret said as they descended the steps, leaving the two women in their private moment.

When the music stopped playing, they held each other a few minutes before Casey kissed Alex gently, she allowed the blonde to deepen the kiss, parting her lips when Alex ran her tongue across the lower one. Hands began to roam, Casey's in Alex's hair as Alex ran her hands up and down the red heads hips. Both were lost in each other. Alex could feel her stomach clenching with desire as it moved lower, and Casey was feeling everything at once.

Alex sighed as she pulled back, before smiling "Wow"

Casey smiled "That was perfect" she breathed "This whole night has been perfect"

"I wanted to make it special, like you" Alex said before blushing "That's so corny"

Casey laughed as she sat with Alex on the love seat. "The flower…" she started

"It's an orchid" Alex explained "It represents love, luxury, beauty, strength and elegance and you"

Casey smiled as she laid her head on the blonde's shoulder. "Thank you"

"For you, I'd do anything" Alex said seriously

They lay with each other for over half an hour before Casey began to drift to sleep. Alex smiled and let the red head rest. They're would be plenty more dates, she hoped and for now, here with Casey was the only place she wanted to be.

* * *

Meanwhile Olivia was at her apartment talking to a younger brunette

"Does she know you're back?" Olivia asked

The brunette shook her head "I didn't know what to say. We haven't really spoken for ages"

"You should tell her"

"I will, how is she?"

"Happy. She's with someone now"

"They treat her well?" the younger brunette asks

Olivia nods "It's early days but yes"

"I'm glad"

"You are?"

"Of course I am. I want her to be happy"

"You really broke her heart" Olivia tells the other woman

"I know and I regret it every day"

"Do you still love her?" Olivia asks

The other woman nods "I do"

"Don't ruin what she has now" Olivia warns

"I won't. I want her to be happy"

"Even if she's the one you want"

"Yes. I still love Alex but I won't upset what she has. I ruined it, and I won't ruin her happiness now" the woman says sighing

**What did you think? Reviews welcome. Who is Olivia talking to?**

**Song is "Could I have this Dance" by Anne Murray **


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N: I decided to post this Chapter now as I had it done, so I hope you enjoy**

**Thank you to Eljh55 for the reviews on each Chapter. And to the guest that has been reviewing...(if you post a review as a guest, could you leave a name or something so I know that it is the same person, or not?)**

**I realised I never posted a disclaimer at the beginning, so here it is. **

**Unfortunately I do not own any of the original Characters of SVU. I only own the original characters that are figments of my imagination. The rights for Alex, Casey, Olivia, Abbie and anyone from the show that I may or not bring into the story as it progresses belong to Dick Wolf and the creators and writers and whoever else**

Chapter 7

Casey woke on Sunday morning. The events of the previous evening still playing in her over tired brain, and she was hopeless to stop them and the smile it kept placing on her lips.

She had fallen asleep on the blonde, and awoken a few hours later when Alex had gently roused her, telling her they'd better go. Alex had asked George to drop Casey off first, and had Casey had thought for a moment about asking the blonde to stay but thought better of it. After all, she had wanted to take things slow and her body was craving more contact, she didn't know if she'd be able to calm it enough with the blonde only meters away.

Now, it was 9am, and she was awake. She'd loved how thoughtful Alex had been with the meal, making sure it wasn't overly dressed with high fat sauces, and hadn't pushed her to eat it all like previous dates had done. She had also been relieved at how thoughtful Alex had been with the beverage, although she had been craving alcohol before the blonde had arrived, to calm her nerves.

Sitting up, she stretched and gave a sleepy yawn. She had hoped to sleep longer, but knew that now she was awake, she'd not get back to sleep easily. Deciding to get up, she kicked the covers off of her body and swung her legs around the bed. As if on cue her cell began to ring, throwing herself back onto the bed, she grabbed it before answering "Novak"

"Do you not check the caller idea Casey Novak?" came the rough and chastising voice on the other end of the line

"Sorry Mom, I just woke" Casey sighed, not really wanting to talk to her Mom right now

"Really Casey, its 9am"

"I know and it's also Sunday" Casey said braver than she sounded

Her Mom ignored the last comment and continued "You are still coming over for Thanksgiving". It was not a question; her Mother never did questions, more orders and insults.

"I was going to spend the day with someone else" Casey said quietly. While she and Alex had not discussed plans for thanksgiving, she really didn't want to go to her Mom's this year.

"You're seeing someone"

"Yeah I am. I was going to spend thanksgiving with them"

"I hope he's a nice successful man" her Mom said through the phone. Casey took a breath at the gender reference before sighing

"Yeah, successful" Casey answered, a small smile on her lips as she thought of Alex

"What's do we call him?"

"Alex" Casey said quietly, a little apprehensively, at least she could be honest about the name without giving anything away

"Short for Alexander?" her Mom asked

"Something like that" Casey replied thinking 'A little lie won't hurt'

"You must invite him over sometime; your sisters would love to meet him"

"Maybe" Casey replied, hoping her Mom would get the hint if she didn't give much away

"What does he do for a living?"

"Attorney" Casey answered

"Like you…figures" her Mother said huffing as she did so

"What does that mean Mom?" Casey sighed, she knew her Mom would disapprove, she dreaded to think what she'd say if she knew the truth

"Nothing Casey, I just hoped you'd find someone who was more successful than that, bureau chief or something if you really had to date someone in Law"

"Even if I'm happy" Casey exclaimed, annoyed at the way her Mom was acting but not at all surprised

"Happiness isn't everything Casey" her Mom answered

"Well she makes me happy! And I love her" Casey blurted, before mentally slapping herself, she heard silence on the other end of the line and sighed "Mom?"

"Her?" was the only reply she was graced with

"Yes Mom. Alex makes me happy and I love her" Casey said quietly, she had not planned on revealing her love for the blonde to her Mom before Alex herself.

"My daughter is not Gay"

"Sorry to disappoint you Mom" Casey almost whispered but was met with the click of the receiver.

She hadn't realised the tears that were falling down her cheeks at this point, and hastily brushed them away. She felt absolutely rubbish, and knew what she needed.

Getting up, she opened the closet door and grabbed the vodka that was hidden behind a few boxes at the back. She unscrewed the lid and brought the bottle to her lips, as she tasted the liquid, she sighed and made her way back to the bed, bottle in hand.

* * *

Alex was sitting in the café opposite the red head's apartment. She was planning on calling round after she'd had breakfast, hoping that Casey would agree to spend some time with her.

As she drunk her coffee, she smiled at the memory of the previous evening, pleased that it had gone well.

She looked up and was met with dark eyes. "Abbie" she breathed causing the woman to smile

"Hey Alex"

"What are…when…you're back" she said

Abbie laughed as she sat down opposite the blonde "I got back yesterday. I went to see Olivia" she explained

"She never told me"

"I wanted to tell you myself Alex. I hear you're dating someone"

Alex smiled at the mention of Casey "Yeah I am"

"You seem happy"

"I am, I am. Abbie, why are you here?"

"Here as opposite you? Or hear as in New York?" she asked. She knew that this wouldn't be an easy reunion, but had hoped for at least a hug.

"Both" Alex sighed, running her hand through her hair

"I've been offered a position at the DA's Office. I was working out in DC, but this is my home Alex. As for why I'm here now with you. I wanted to see you and say sorry for hurting you" Abbie said

"I know you are Abs. It's been 5 years though girl, you can't expect me to just forgive you and pretend it, pretend we never happened"

"I know, I know. I don't expect you to Alex. I just wanted to tell you I was back, and say Hi. I'm glad you're happy" Abbie said as she stood to leave

"You are?"

"Yes I am. Alex, I'm not cold. I do care about you, I love you" she admitted

"Abbie…" Alex began "I loved you, but now I'm with Casey, and I love her"

"I'm not here to ruin your relationship Alex. I hope we can be friends" Abbie said as she left wishing she hadn't come in the first place

Alex sighed as she finished her coffee. Taking her cell from her back, she decided to call Casey. She needed to see the red head, and just wanted to spend some time with her.

After 3 rings, Alex heard the receiver click "Novak"

"Hey Casey, It's me" Alex said smiling

"Hey. What you up to?" Casey said slightly slurring

Alex frowned, something felt different, something wasn't right "You okay Case?" she asked

"I'm great" Casey said, now definitely slurring before she began to giggle "Never better"

Alex jumped up; concerned as she realised Casey had been drinking. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she noticed it wasn't even 10am.

Paying the bill she hurried out of the café and across the street. "I'll be over in 2 minutes" she told the red head before ending the call and racing up the stairs

Casey was standing in the doorway of her apartment, vodka in hand, as she steadied herself on the wall "Hey gorgeous" she slurred as she saw the blonde

"Case?" Alex questioned, taking the bottle from the red head and entering the apartment. She noticed an empty bottle on the bed as she glanced at the open door to Casey's room

"Hey, I was drinking that" Casey said, as she stumbled before landing on the couch

"Yes, I know" Alex sighed, wondering exactly what had caused the red head to drink. She poured a glass of water for the red head, as she sat beside her "Drink" she ordered

Casey scowled as she took the glass; Alex made her drink 3 glasses of water before making coffee. Sitting beside her as the red head began to close her eyes, she hoped that Casey would open up to her about whatever had got her like this.

An hour later, Casey woke feeling groggy, her head was pounding as she noticed she was on the couch "Hey" she heard, and that's when she saw Alex beside her

"What..?" she said furrowing her brow

"You fell asleep" Alex explained

"My head…" Casey questioned trying to sit up, but feeling dizzy

"You were drinking" Alex said quietly, causing Casey to groan as she lay back down

"My Mom" she whispered

"Your Mom?" Alex asked "What happened?"

"She phoned. Told me I was coming for Thanksgiving, I told her I was spending it with someone" Casey said as Alex listened "She asked about you, when I opened my stupid mouth and revealed that the 'he' she was referring to was actually a 'she', she ended the call"

"Oh Case" Alex whispered "Why didn't you call me?"

Casey shrugged as she began to cry "Why am I such a disappointment?"

"Hey" Alex said stroking the red head's tears away "You're brilliant, don't listen to your Mom, Case"

"She's my Mom" Casey said quietly, she couldn't explain why it hurt so much. After all these years, she should have been used to it, but she hadn't really thought about her sexuality before.

"I know" Alex said, pulling the red head closer.

They sat quietly, Alex had her arms around the red head who after sobbing for a few minutes, had calmed down. Casey's head was pounding from the effects of the alcohol she had consumed in a short period of time.

"Casey" Alex began "You need to call the doctor"

Casey looked up at Alex and shook her head "Can you?"

Alex smiled sadly "What's the number?"

"It's in the red book over there" Casey told the blonde "I…"

"What is it Case?" Alex asked, as she reached for the book on the table.

"I'm scared" she almost whispered in response

"Oh Baby" Alex breathed as she kissed the red head gently on the cheek "It's okay to be scared. I'm here"

Casey managed a small smile before nodding. Alex made the call before turning back to Casey

"Tomorrow at 9.30am" she told her

Casey sighed as she snuggled into the blonde's arms. "I'm sorry"

"What have you got to be sorry for?"

"Drinking, not calling you, and being an idiot" Casey said

"Hey. You are not an idiot" Alex told her sternly before softening "And it's fine baby"

Casey smiled at the use of the term and leant up to kiss Alex gently on the lips "Thank you"

Alex smiled and gave the red head a small squeeze. "I love you"

Casey gasped as she pulled away; she looked at the blonde with wide eyes "Really?"

Alex nodded "You don't have to say it back, I just wanted to tell you" she said

Casey sighed, as she snuggled back into the blonde's arms. She wanted to tell Alex she loved her too, but she didn't want to sound as if she was just saying it because Alex had done so.

It took a few minutes for Casey to think through things in her head, before she looked up at the blonde as smiled, she touched Alex cheek as she shifted her position.

Casey brought her lips gently to the blonde's, Alex responded with a gentle moan of pleasure as she wrapped her arms around the red head's waist, pulling her close. They shifted a little, so that Alex was straddling the red head, as Casey ran her tongue tentatively across Alex's lips.

They made out for a few minutes, Alex gently rocking her hips as the red head ran her fingers across the flesh of the blonde's back, where her shirt had loosened from her jeans.

When the need for air came, Alex pulled back, her body trembling with desire. Casey smiled at the sight of the blonde before she whispered "I love you too"

**How should the doctors appointment go? Will Abbie make another appearance, and how will it affect Alex and Casey's relationship? **

**Review please? **


	8. Chapter 8

** A.N: Thank you for the reviews. And to the guest that Thanked me for updating every day, here's another chapter to say thanks. **

**I am glad that you are enjoying this, as I am enjoying writing it.**

Chapter 8

It was 9.27am Monday morning, and as planned Alex had accompanied Casey to the doctors.

They had spent the previous night wrapped in each other's arms, Casey had asked Alex to stay, part of her was scared, but she felt safe with the blonde. Alex was tentative at first, she had to try to fight the desire growing every time they kissed or touched.

Casey was nervous, and Alex knew. "Relax" she whispered to the red head as she fidgeted on the seat beside her

"I can't" Casey said frustrated

Alex gave Casey a small smile, before taking her hand and giving it a light squeeze "It's going to be fine, I'm here"

"You think because you're here, everything will just change?" Casey said before sighing "Sorry, I didn't mean it"

Alex squeezed her hand again, rubbing a thumb over the skin "I know. It's okay to be scared, it's okay"

Casey sighed again as the receptionist smiled at them "Doctor Oliver is ready to see you now Miss Novak"

Casey took a deep breath and looked at Alex "Come with me"

Alex felt her heart break at the vulnerability of the red head in front of her, she nodded as she stood, still holding the red heads hand.

"Good Morning Miss Novak. How can I help you today?" he asked as both Casey and Alex sat opposite him

"Um, I…I…Um" Casey said, trying to calm her thoughts and get out what she needed to say, she felt her breathing become heavier and her body become weaker as she trembled. She looked at Alex with fear who nodded her understanding

"Casey's been drinking a bit too much. We came for some help" she spoke quietly and calmly, still holding Casey's hand as she spoke

The doctor nodded and gave a sad smile to the red head "Casey, I've known you for years. What do you want?"

"Sorry Doctor Oliver. This is hard" Casey managed to say after a few deep breaths. Grateful that Alex was there.

"I understand. Do you need to speak to a counsellor again, Casey?"

Alex furrowed her brow, as she took in the doctors words 'again'. Casey had spoken to someone before she realised, while she had learnt of some of the struggles Casey had dealt with in the past, she wasn't aware that the red head had ever had to see a counsellor

Casey nodded, as she looked at Alex. She was trying to read the blonde but was failing miserably.

"I think that's a start. I don't know if you need AA meetings, I'm not sure that you're problem with drinking is new, it's probably an extension of other things" he said, glancing at Alex. He didn't know who this woman was sitting beside her, but he had seen how they were holding hands. He guessed they were close, but at the same time, didn't want to give anything away to the blonde that Casey hadn't told her.

"Do you want to talk to me alone?" he asked tentatively

Casey shook her head; she'd tell Alex everything when she was ready. For now, speaking to the counsellor would be a start.

"Casey, do you think you need medication?" he asked quizzically

Casey looked wide eyed and scared for a minute, causing Alex to squeeze her hand gently before Casey shook her head "No. I…no"

Dr Olivier nodded, as Casey stood to leave "I'll organise an appointment with Hilary. She'll give you a call later"

Casey thanked him, as Alex took her hand. They exited the office, both woman quietly lost in their own thoughts.

* * *

"Casey?" Alex called as she went looking for the red head. They were at Casey's apartment, and had been since after the doctor's appointment. Casey had tried to get Alex to go to work but to no avail, the blonde wasn't happy to leave Casey by herself. It wasn't that she didn't trust the red head; she was just concerned and knew that she herself would not be able to concentrate anyway. But she had fallen asleep on the couch, and when awoken Casey wasn't beside her as she had been before.

She pushed open the bedroom door and gasped. Casey looked up from where she was sitting and grabbed the duvet, throwing it around herself. "Casey?" Alex whispered

The red head trembled and shook her head "Don't". Alex stopped where she was, aware that Casey needed to call the shots here

"I'm not going to come any closer" Alex said quietly

Casey blinked away the few tears that were still resting on her eyelids, causing them to drip silently. Alex wanted to comfort the red head but didn't know what to do for the best

Casey slowly removed the duvet, and pulled on the jumper discarded beside her. Alex gave a small smile at the red head "Case?"

"Mmm?" Casey said looking up. She adjusted herself so she was laying long ways on the bed with her head on the pillow. She was still trembling slightly but had calmed down considerably.

"Can I?" Alex gestured to the bed, sighing in relief when Casey nodded. She approached carefully, and sat beside the red head "You want to talk?"

Casey shook her head "I just want to sleep" she whispered.

Alex nodded, lying down so she was mimicking the red heads position "Then sleep"

* * *

Meanwhile Olivia had noticed that both Alex and Casey were absent from the office. She had been busy all morning interrogating a suspect, plus Elliot had been calling her out on every little thing. He could tell when she was thinking and was always bugging her to tell him what was going on.

She loved Elliot, as her partner, but sometimes he could be infuriating. She'd never betray the trust of her friends, and somehow it irked her that he would never let up.

"What has got into you today Liv?" he said, pushing out his chair as he stood, eyeing her questionably

"Nothing" she lied, hoping he'd drop it for the tenth time that morning.

"Whatever" he sighed "It's Cabot and Novak isn't it?"

Olivia ran her hand through her short brunette locks. She nodded "I can't talk about it"

"Well, call them. Don't sit here worrying your pretty little face over them, find out what's up" he said as he made his way to the coffee machine.

"Jerk" Olivia muttered under her breath as she followed his advice.

Alex answered on the first ring "Hey" she whispered

"Everything okay, Alex?" she asked as she heard movement on the other end of the phone

"Yeah" Alex said "Casey is asleep. I didn't want to wake her"

Olivia nodded before remembering the blonde couldn't see her "You're not working"

"Very well noticed" Alex chuckled before turning serious "We had a doctor's appointment. I think it drained her a bit"

"What did the doctor say?" Olivia said quietly as she made her way to an empty interrogation room.

"She's going to see a counsellor. Apparently she's spoken to her before" Alex said

"Hopefully it helps a little" Olivia said relieved that her friends had each other and that Casey would be talking to someone

"I saw Abbie yesterday" Alex said

"Oh" Olivia said "And?"

"And it was awkward. She told me she still loved me Olivia. I mean, what do I say to that?"

"How do you feel?"

"I love Casey, Liv. God damn it, I love Casey. I told her yesterday, and she said she loved me too"

"That's great. So what are you going to do?" Olivia said, resting herself against the wall

"Be there for her. Talk to Abbie wills you? I don't want her to make a big scene or anything; Casey doesn't need any more reasons to feel bad"

"I will Alex. Is she really okay?"

"She told her Mom about me. I phoned her and she was drunk Olivia. It wasn't even 10am"

"Oh" Olivia said, she didn't know what to say. She had seen it so many times with her own Mom.

"Look, I got to go. I'll call you later, maybe. Talk to Abbie, please?"

"I said I would. You take care, tell Casey I said Hi"

"I will do. Bye Liv"

Olivia ends the call, as she runs her hand through her hair. She needs to talk to Abbie, needs to find out what's going on.

* * *

Alex was sitting on the couch when Casey came into the living room; she smiled as she sat beside the blonde "Hi"

"Hey" Alex smiled "You sleep okay?"

Casey nods as she takes a deep breath "Alex…"

"You know I love you Casey" Alex began "You can talk to me, don't shut me out"

"I'm sorry" Casey whispered "I just need time"

Alex's heart dropped at these words "Time?" she almost whispered

"Don't worry" Casey chuckled "I'm not breaking up with you"

Alex breathed a sigh of relief, raising a brow at the red head "You said…"

"I need time to understand my own thoughts before I explain them to you"

Alex nodded her understanding "I'm here when you're ready"

Casey leant over a kissed Alex on the cheek. "Thank you"

Alex smiled, placing a hand over Casey's. "Olivia called, she said Hi"

"She okay?"

"Yeah, she was just concerned. Don't worry, I didn't tell her anything about…" Alex stopped, gazing at the red head's now covered body

Casey nodded, as she leant into Alex, resting her head on the blonde's shoulder "I love you"

Alex smiled "I love you too"

"Hilary called"

"Hilary?" Alex questioned

"My counsellor"

Alex nodded "And?"

"I'm seeing her on Wednesday" Casey explained

"You want me to come along?"

Casey shook her head "I'll be okay"

"You sure?"

Casey smiled "Yes. I'll call you when we finish"

"Okay. What do you want to do for the rest of the day?" Alex asked

"I'm hungry. Can we get lunch?" the red head asked

Alex looked at Casey and smiled, happy the red head seemed calmer then she had earlier, but what she saw, it still bothered her. She wouldn't push it though. She trusted Casey to tell her when she was ready. She just hoped she was right.

**Reviews welcome. **

**What did Alex see? And how will Olivia's conversation with Abbie play out?**

**A few things...should I have a mean or nice Abbie in this story? And what about a love interest for Olivia? (I always have paired Olivia with Alex but seeing as this story she's with Casey...and I am very happy about that) I'm stuck with Liv. Should she be gay, or not? (I don't want to do the obvious and pair her with Elliot) but I don't know who else. Should I make up a character or what? Ideas welcome**


	9. Chapter 9

**A.N: Another update for you guys. I can see there is a small number of dedicated readers, and that makes me smile. I am glad that you are enjoying this, and I am really enjoying writing this one too.**

**I have decided that Abbie will be a little bit of a mystery. She talks to Olivia as if she's all sweet and lightness but can be rude to Alex. There may be a hidden agenda somewhere there, but you'll have to wait to see.**

**As for Olivia's love life, I'm still not sure so any ideas would be good and appreciated. I feel that her with Abbie wouldn't work right at the minute, but maybe in the future? I still haven't decided on Olivia's sexuality yet either.**

Chapter 9

"Hey Alex" Olivia smiled as she spotted the blonde on the steps of the courthouse.

"Liv, what brings you here? I haven't got any court appearances where you need to attend" Alex said raising a brow, wondering why the brunette was at the courthouse so early on Tuesday morning.

"I know. I'm meeting Abbie" Olivia explained. Alex nodded, she had asked Olivia to talk to her and find out what she was playing at, she needed to know if the youngish brunette had any intention of stepping in and ruining this new relationship she had started with Casey.

"How's Casey?" Olivia asked

"She's okay. She has an appointment tomorrow with the counsellor" Alex explained

"That's good. Are you going with her?"

"No, she said she'd be okay on her own. She said she'll call afterwards"

"I hope it helps. Give her my love won't you?" Olivia says pulling the blonde in for a hug

"I will. Talk to you soon" Alex said as she descended the steps.

Olivia hurried into the courthouse spotting Abbie leaning against the wall "Abs" she called announcing her presence

"Hey, what did you want to talk to me about?" she asked. Olivia chuckled, straight down to business, no how are you, or it's good to see you, just immediately wanting to know what the meet was about.

"Alex" Olivia said matter of a fact, causing the younger brunette to furrow her brow

"Okay" Abbie drew out the response, still totally oblivious and confused as to what Olivia was even on about

"Let's not do this in the middle of the courthouse. You're not busy are you?" Olivia said, although she had no intention of postponing this discussion

"Not really. You want to grab coffee?"

Olivia nodded as they made their way out of the courthouse. Once they were sat in a booth in the local coffee house, Olivia began

"Alex asked me to talk to you"

"Because?" Abbie said, she wasn't entirely oblivious to what Olivia wanted to talk about. She, after all wasn't stupid.

"You told her you still love her" Olivia accused

"I also said that I was glad she was happy"

"Look, her and Casey, it's new and Casey is going through a rough time. Look, just don't go around declaring your love for Alex"

"I want us to be friends Olivia. I'm not going to ruin her relationship"

"I want to believe you Abbie, but you told her you still loved her. That messes with her head, and she's scared that Casey will hear that and freak out"

"Casey's quite insecure isn't she?" Abbie questioned. She had noticed the red head a few times, as she had observed different trials. She had noticed how Casey would get nervous when delivering closing statements, when addressing the jury, when speaking to a judge.

"Abbie, stay away for a little while okay? I'll talk to Alex, but just keep your distance" Olivia said, she hadn't wanted to ask the younger brunette to do this but she herself was worried about how Casey would react to Alex's ex being back, and being in the blonde's life.

Abbie sighed "Okay"

"I know you want to be friends with Alex but a lot has happened since you left. You need to move on"

The women finished their coffees quietly and went in different directions once leaving the shop. Olivia went back to the precinct and Abbie to Her office at Hogan place.

* * *

At Hogan Place, Casey was sitting in her office, on the couch. She had just been chewed out by Judge Bradley and had a splitting headache and she really wanted a drink. Burying her head in her hands, she began to breathe rhythmically, trying to control her nerves. It was a trick she had learnt many years earlier, but lately it had failed to be of any use.

She began to fidget as her mind began to wander over the morning's events. Subconsciously picking out the worst parts of the morning, and replaying them over, trying to work out how she could have prevented them, or allowed them to play out differently. This only increased her panic and ragged breathing as she stood and pulled out the bottle of whiskey buried in the back of the filing cabinet. Picking up a glass she began to pour out a generous amount, taking a sip, she began to cry, over everything.

There was a loud knock on the door causing her to jump and spill the alcohol over her jumper. "Fuck!" she exclaimed banging the glass down on the table a little too hard. Wiping away her tears furiously.

"Case? It's Alex" she heard, she shoved the bottle into her desk drawer, removing her jumper, glad that the liquid hadn't had time to soak through, and tossed it under the desk. Drinking the remainder of the whiskey down quickly, she hid the glass with the bottle.

"Come in" she called, composing herself

"Hey. You okay? Alex asked as she sat on the couch. A pile of folders in her hand

"Fine. What's up?" Casey smiled; she hoped Alex wouldn't notice that it was fake or the smell of alcohol that lingered.

"I just thought I'd come and say Hello to my lovely girlfriend" Alex said, standing "And grab a pen, I've mislaid mine"

Before Casey could stop her Alex pulled open the drawer on Casey's desk, and looked at the red head who had turned her head away guiltily. "Case" she whispered before enveloping the red head in a hug, now noticing the smell of whiskey, and the tears that had dried on Casey's cheeks. "Oh baby"

"I…sorry" Casey said, her resolve breaking as tears streamed her cheeks

"You want to talk about it? What happened?" Alex wasn't sure that anything had happened, or whether Casey just wanted to drink, but she decided to ask anyway

"Judge Bradley just gave me an ass chewing over the Mandy Hartford case. I was so unprepared, but with yesterday and everything, I only got about half an hour to look through everything. I messed it all up"

"Oh Case" Alex said as she guided the red head from the chair to the couch. Patting her knees, she motioned for Casey to rest her head. Casey complied, as Alex began stroking her hand through the red head's locks.

The door opened, and Abbie Carmichael entered the office "Oh" she said as she saw the two women on the couch

"Don't you ever knock Carmichael?" Alex chided the brunette

"Well I am sorry. I was told you were here, Alex" Abbie said, choosing to use the blonde's first name

"What do you want?"

"A word in private" Abbie spat rudely

"I'm busy. It'll wait I believe" Alex spat back

"You haven't changed Cabot" and with those words Abbie left the blonde and Casey in the office

Casey looked up with questioning eyes as Alex sighed "That was the lovely Abbie Carmichael"

"You know her? I thought she was new here"

"She worked here before. We dated" Alex said quietly

"She's your ex?" Casey said, suddenly more alert as she sat up

"Yes" Alex said, running her hand through her hair as she remembered the last time she had seen the brunette before she had left for DC

"She hurt you" Casey said

"How did you…?" Alex began

"Your eyes, Alex. They change with different emotions, I saw pain"

"She left me. 5 years ago" Alex explained, not sure she wanted to do this

"You loved her?" Casey asked, as Alex put her arm around the red heads shoulder

"I did. We started dating when I was 27"

"You were with her for 4 years?"

"About that" Alex nodded

"You still love her?" Casey whispered, trying to hold back her tears and insecurities

"No" Alex said boldly "I love you Case"

"Then what was that?" Casey said pointing at the door where Abbie had exited

"She still loves me" Alex almost whispered "She left me, she told me she had a job in DC and that long distance relationships didn't work. DC isn't even that far away, I could have visited, but she just left. She contacted me about 4 months afterwards, said she was sorry but she had ruined everything we had. I might have been a bit cold towards her, that's why she just said that I haven't changed. But Casey, I love you. I promise you, you don't have anything to worry about. I love you baby and you alone"

Casey gave Alex a small smile, while hearing those words had calmed her nerves a little, she was still worried that she'd drive Alex back to the brunette she had just met.

"I won't ever hurt you Alex" Casey whispered, touching the blonde's cheek. "I love you"

Alex smiled, and brought her lips slowly to the red heads, kissing her gently. She had learnt that gentle with Casey was good, and to let Casey lead the kiss. Casey did just that as she ran her tongue lightly across Alex's, asking for entrance. They explored each other's mouths with a passion. Casey took her hand from Alex cheek, and ran it over the fabric on the blonde's stomach. Pushing Alex back slightly, she broke the kiss, taking a deep breath. Alex murmured her discomfort of the broken kiss, before pulling Casey down to her lips. "You are mine" she growled, cupping Casey's head. Casey moaned her pleasure, before pulling at Alex's shirt, running a finger across the creamy flesh of the blonde's stomach.

"Case" Alex whispered, pulling away "Not here"

Casey stopped her movements "I'm sorry" she said wide eyed "I…"

Alex touched the red head's lips with her finger "Shh. I want to. Just not here"

Casey nodded, pushing herself up. They sat for a few minutes before Casey asked "Is Abbie gay?"

"Um" Alex said, wondering why the red head was still thinking about Abbie "Yes"

"Did she kiss better than me?" Casey asked, biting her lower lip

"Casey!" Alex exclaimed, unbelieving what the red head was asking "I love kissing you, you're a great kisser"

"Was Abbie?"

"Casey! Stop this, please. I love you, not her. And everyone kisses differently. I love the way you kiss me"

"But…" Casey began but was cut off by Alex standing up; she began to panic, thinking she had made the blonde hate her

"No buts Casey Novak. I don't want to talk about Abbie. She was a good kisser, but not better or worse than you. You kiss differently, but it's perfect for us, and perfect for what we are. Please, stop over thinking, stop doubting yourself. I love you" Alex said as she walked to the table. She picked up the glass and bottle from Casey's drawer, and put it in her backpack.

"Alex" Casey began, nervously, seeing what the blonde was doing

"Just relax Case. Have you got anything going on today, court appearances, anything that can't be done at home?" Alex asked sitting beside the red head

"I can't…" Casey began

"Have you got anything you can't do while at home?" Alex asked again. Casey thought for a moment, before shaking her head.

"Not particularly. I have to read this case file again, and prepare my opening statement"

"Well, let's go to yours. We can work on this stuff…" Alex began motioning to the piles of paper, both her own and Casey's "and cuddle on the couch"

"I can't keep taking time off" Casey interjected sighing

"Yes, you can. I've spoken to Liz, don't worry, I didn't tell her anything, just that you were feeling unwell and might want to take a few days. She said, she'd pass the cases to me. But I don't have to be in the office all the time. You need some time, you told me that yourself. Time to get well again, okay?" Alex said, taking Casey's hand, as she stood.

Casey reluctantly followed, with a grateful smile on her lips before she stopped "Alex, does Liz know about us?"

"I don't think so Case. Are you worried about people knowing?" Alex asked, she had been thinking lately about what they had started together and whether disclosing it would be beneficial or not.

Casey let go of Alex's hand as they stepped out the door "No, but I don't know. I don't know if, what this is. Am I your girlfriend?"

"I think we can say that. Case, I won't ever pressure you into anything you don't want" Alex said, stepping back into the office and closing the door.

"I know. I know. I like being your girlfriend" Casey smiled "But I just feel like I'm not enough for you. I've never, this is new and well, I know it's not for you, and I just worry that I'm going to disappoint you, or you'll be ashamed of me"

"I'll never be ashamed of you Casey. I love you and I am proud of you. I am glad that you're my girlfriend, and I would make everyone know it. Come on, let's go"

Casey gave Alex a kiss on the cheek "Can we go to yours? I like being at your place"

"If you want to" Alex said, as they left the office for the second time. This time walking to the elevator hand in hand.

**Let me know what you think and leave a review. Thanks in advance x**


	10. Chapter 10

**A.N: This is a short chapter. I am so tired, and it's taken me 3 hours to write this. But I'm happy as can be with it. **

**Hope you enjoy. It talks a little about physical abuse and suicide, but nothing detailed.**

Chapter 10

Alex was sitting on the couch; Casey had fallen asleep on her shoulder after another discussion about Abbie. The blonde was pissed that Abbie had come in like that and made a scene, especially after she had spoken to Olivia and knew Olivia would be talking to the brunette.

Sighing, she decided that she would call Olivia, find out how the conversation had played out earlier that morning "Benson"

"Liv, its Alex"

"Hey Alex, I was just going to call you, we've been stonewalled in one of our cases. I wanted some advice but neither you nor Case were in your offices, and Liz said you'd gone for the day. I'm nearly at yours, I take it Casey's with you. She wasn't home"

"Yeah we're at mine" Alex said sighing

"What's up Al? Why did you call?"

"It can wait till you get here I guess" Alex decided, it would be better to talk face to face

"I'll be about 5 minutes" Olivia said before ending the call.

Sure enough, there was a knock at the door a little while later. Alex carefully moved herself out from under the red head, resting her head onto a pillow as Casey moved to get comfortable.

"Olivia, come in" Alex said, smiling at the brunette "So, what's the problem with the case, which one is it?"

"Alex" Olivia said quietly "What's up?"

"The case" Alex said motioning to the box in Olivia's hand

Olivia put the box down and shook her head. Taking Alex's hand, she guided her to the couch, and told her to sit. Alex did, as she looked at her sleeping girlfriend, before Olivia said

"Alex, talk to me"

"Abbie came into Casey's office looking for me, she didn't knock, was rude as hell and when she left and Casey clicked that she was my ex, and she began asking whether Abbie was a better kisser. She's so insecure Olivia and Abbie just didn't help one bit. Casey was already beginning to drink, she had whiskey in her office" Alex explained as tears ran down her face.

Olivia stood, and put her hand on the blonde's back "I told her to keep away. She said she would Al, I swear"

"I believe you, but she lied. She came looking for me, I don't know what she wanted, and I didn't give her a chance. I was too worried about Casey. That's why we came here, just to get away from everything for a few hours" Alex sobbed harder, burying her head in her hands.

Casey opened her eyes and saw a worried look on Olivia's face, before noticing her girlfriend sobbing uncontrollably "Liv" she whispered, catching the brunette's attention

Olivia shrugged her shoulders, partly because she wasn't sure why Alex was so upset and because she didn't know what to tell the red head.

Casey sat and put her hand tentatively on Alex's back; Olivia removed her hand as Casey wrapped her arm around the blonde. Alex looked at Casey and began to sob harder. It wasn't often that Alex lost control of her emotions, but when she did, you knew about it.

"Alex baby, what's wrong" Casey asked, looking at Olivia for help. She wasn't used to this much display of emotion from anyone, and was really worried something had happened to make Alex this upset

"I love you" Alex choked out "Only you"

Olivia took a step back and mouthed to Casey "I'll call later", before exiting the apartment

"Alex, I love you too. What's this about?" Casey said, brushing a strand of hair from the blonde's face

"You" Alex said, trying to compose herself "I'm scared I'm going to lose you"

"What are you talking about Alex? You'll never lose me"

"Casey, you're so insecure. I wish I could change that, I wish that I could make you see how special you are, how much I love you, need you, want you. I wish you could see how beautiful you are, your smile is infectious, you are perfect to me, and I don't want anyone but you. Please, believe me. Stop putting yourself down, questioning everything, and let me love you" Alex said honestly.

Casey was a little shocked at Alex's words, enough to make her shed tears over hearing her girlfriend declare her love so candidly.

"I'm sorry" she managed, while caressing the blonde's cheek

"Hey. It's okay. I just worry about you, and today, with Abbie…" Alex began, cutting herself off before she could finish. She really didn't want to think about her right now "Hey, where's Olivia?"

"She said she'd call" Casey explained but added quickly when she noticed Alex about to interject "I know you worry. I'm seeing the counsellor tomorrow, and I think things will be okay. I really want to make this work, and I know I need to sort out things, I'm trying"

"I know you are Case" Alex said sighing.

"What is it?" the red head asked, noticing the tone the blonde had used

"Yesterday, Casey, what happened?" Alex asked, touching the red head's stomach through her top

"I had a boyfriend, Charlie. He was a schizophrenic" Casey explained, she knew she had to tell the blonde these things

"He hurt you" Alex said, as she lifted Casey's top. Tears forming in her eyes when she saw the scars on her stomach

Casey nodded "I left him. He'd kick me and hit me when he hadn't taken his meds, which was quite often"

Alex wiped away a tear that had fallen from Casey's eyes, ignoring the tears that were falling from her own

"I told him one day I'd had enough. I didn't see him again, I found out he was homeless and on the streets and then I was notified he'd died. He had my card on him, he still remembered me"

Alex held Casey close, as she stroked her cheek. She knew that other things had happened, because of what she had seen yesterday. Running a finger under the sleeve of Casey's left arm, she looked at the red head, silently asking the question.

Casey shook her head "I can't"

"Talk to me Case. How did that happen?" she asked, gently rolling the sleeve up until she saw the white scar that ran across the red head's skin

"I wanted to die Alex" Casey whispered "I was 19"

Alex wiped away her tears, and squeezed the red head "I won't push you. Thank you"

Casey nodded. Maybe things would be okay. Maybe everything that had happened in her past wouldn't ruin her future "I love you" she told the blonde, bringing her lips to Alex's in a gentle kiss.

* * *

Olivia stormed into Abbie's office….

"How dare you!" she raged at the shocked woman sitting in the chair

"Liv…" Abbie whispered

"Don't Liv me, don't you dare. I told you to stay away"

"I just wanted to talk, but god is that woman cold" Abbie stated, pushing her chair back as Olivia was a mere inches from her face

"She was comforting her distraught girlfriend, and you made things ten times worse"

"What are you talking about?"

"After you left, Casey asked if you were a better kisser, seriously Abbie, you don't know what you're doing" Olivia sighed

"No I don't. I love Alex, I always have. I was an idiot to walk away like that"

"You were. But tell me, would you have stayed even if you had discussed it beforehand or would you have still gone to DC?"

"It was a good job offer Olivia, you know that" Abbie Sighed, sitting down on the couch

"I guess that answers my question Abs. The job comes before Alex" Olivia said, sitting beside her

"It did, but it doesn't anymore. I'd have given it all up if I had found out me and Alex might still have a chance"

"But you don't. Look, Alex loves Casey"

"I know. Trust me, I know"

"Please, leave them alone. I told you, give her time, give them space and maybe you can build a friendship in the future. But Casey needs to get over things first"

"There's a lot I don't know isn't there?" Abbie asked, running her hand through her hair

"I won't break their confidence Abs. But yes, there is" Olivia stated "Look, I have to go back to work. Just trust me on this, okay"

Abbie nodded, she wanted to know what the problem was, but something was stopping her from asking Olivia, and she knew that she'd only make things worse, going to Alex. She'd have to figure it out on her own.

* * *

Meanwhile, Casey had gone to take a shower while Alex looked through the box Olivia had left. Sighing, she tried to concentrate but she could only think of the red head in the bathroom, naked, under the running water, her legs, her stomach, her breasts…Alex licked her lips, and then shook her head. Things weren't at that point yet, they had things to work through first.

Casey was going to need her, and not just for sex. That was some time down the line. That was something they'd get to when the time was right. But she knew Casey would need her support. It was going to be tough.

She had asked Liz for some time off, for both her and Casey, and tomorrow Kim Greylek would be be filling in for them, for a few weeks at the least. Casey needed time, and Alex would give it to her. However, she wasn't sure how to bring it up.

Casey walked into the room, just as Alex was thinking about how to tell her

"I've booked us time off work" she blurted "Damn, I sound like you"

Casey chuckled then turned serious "Why?"

"Because you always blurt things out"

"No, I mean why did you book us time off?" Casey said, plopping herself down onto the couch beside Alex

"Because it's going to be a rough couple of weeks, as we try and get through everything and work is an added stress factor that I don't think we need right now"

"Why do you need time off?" Casey asked raising a brow

"Um. Because you are my girlfriend, and let me see, I love you, and I want to be there for you" Alex said taking the red heads hand and lacing their fingers together

"I love you so much Alex" Casey whispered

"I know" the blonde replied "Now I am starving, let's get lunch"

Casey smiled "Pizza?"

Alex laughed, before nodding "Yes please"

**Okay, sorry that wasn't the best chapter. The next will be better, I promise. Reviews will still be welcome. Happier things ahead, I promise. **


	11. Chapter 11

**A.N: Hey my lovelies. I decided that I needed to make amends for the less than standard chapter i posted yesterday, and this chapter was born. **

**There are some intimate scenes (Don't get too excited though guys, nothing explicit yet) but just a warning if you don't really like that kind of stuff.**

Chapter 11

A week had passed since Alex had asked Liz for time off. Since Liz had hesitantly brought in a new ADA to work the cases. She still didn't know the real reasons behind Alex requested leave, or that of Casey's, courtesy of the blonde. She knew they were dating, and was a little pissed she hadn't heard it from them. But she had seen them holding hands as they exited the office, and she had heard through the grapevine…in other words Lena Petrovsky.

Lena had accidently walked in on them sharing a kiss, but had left before either of them noticed her presence. She had also overheard Abbie on the phone telling someone that Alex was dating Casey. So naturally, she had told Liz because Lena was a secret gossip, because she was good friends with Liz and because Liz was there supervisor.

Casey was sitting on the bed; it was gone 8am and now as she sat curled into a ball against the headboard, her mind starting wandering back to the first appointment with the counsellor, a week before

_"Hello Casey, What brings you here this time?" Hilary asked, eyeing the red head carefully_

_"I can't get past my insecurities" Casey almost whispered, the woman sat in front of her, knew her more than most, she had heard about her struggles constantly in the past_

_"Can you explain that a bit more?" she asked_

_Casey sighed "I started a new job, with a new unit. Special Victims…I was unsure at first. I had a really tough case, my first solo without the other ADA. It hit me hard, I lost the case and a child would never get justice. I began to drink…" _

_Hilary just nodded, she had learnt that with Casey, you didn't ask questions; otherwise she'd clam up and withdraw herself from the conversation._

_"The other ADA saw me stumbling out of a bar at not even 6pm. It was obvious I had a problem, especially after I was so sick the next day and then carried on drinking. I just…need to drink"_

_"What causes you to drink?" Hilary asked tentatively_

_"Everything"_

_"Casey" _

_"I found myself thinking about her, and then she kissed me. We spoke about our feelings, and decided we'd see how things work out"_

_"And…"_

_"She makes me happy, she's amazing. I really love her but I'm just so insecure. She has an ex and I just worry that I won't be enough. She told me she worries about me, and she's scared to lose me"_

_"It sounds like she cares about you"_

_"She does, she says she loves me. I know she does. I told her about Charlie, I told her about the suicide attempt, sort of"_

_"What does sort of mean?"_

_"I told her I wanted to die, when she asked about the scar. But I can't tell her why, not yet"_

_"Case, it seems you are already working on things. You're opening up to her, and to me. This is the first time, in all the years I've known you that you've spoken this easily"_

_"I want to get better" Casey acknowledged._

"I want to get better" Casey whispered into the darkness, as she turned to look at the blonde beside her who was beginning to stir

"Morning" Alex whispered, her eyes still closed

"How did you know I was awake?" Casey asked, as Alex crawled up to join her. Her eyes still closed.

"I heard you. I'm glad you want to get better"

"You heard that?" Casey said nervously

"I did, and Casey, you are doing really well. I can see the difference already. You're much calmer and you're talking to me a lot more"

"I promised you" Casey said

"Yes, but you also made a promise to yourself. Casey, you're strong. When did you last think about having a drink?"

"Thursday" Casey whispered

"It's now Wednesday. That's nearly a week Casey. That's amazing"

Casey nodded, when she thought about it, it was. She smiled, and kissed Alex on the cheek "Thank you"

"What are you thanking me for?" Alex asked

"Loving me and believing in me. Being here when I need you and not forcing me to talk. Letting me move at my own pace" Casey said quietly

"I'll always be here, I'll always love you" Alex promised the red head, lacing her fingers with Casey's

"You want to shower with me?" Casey whispered, causing Alex to still her movements and lock eyes with the red head who giggled

"What?"

"You and the dear in the head lights look" Casey said still chuckling

"I love it when you laugh" Alex said, stroking the red heads cheek

Casey kissed Alex deeply on the lips "So, are you taking a shower with me?"

Alex nodded "I'd like that" she replied huskily, lifting the red head off the bed and carrying her to the bathroom

Casey snuggled into Alex's shoulder as the blonde set her on the ground, kissing her neck gently "How do you want to do this?" asked the red head

"Well, usually, you undress, and then get in the shower and wash" Alex said slowly and carefully, drawing out the words, causing Casey to playfully slap her shoulder

"Very funny, Cabot"

"Oh, is it Novak?" Alex nudged the red head, before claiming her lips in a hungry and wanton kiss. Casey broke the kiss first and nodded

"Yes, because I want to undress you" she said, running her hands across Alex's bare stomach as she lifted the blonde's night shirt over her head. She smiled at the sight of Alex's bare chest, snaking a finger gently across the skin underneath.

"Can I?" Alex breathed, as she tugged gently at Casey's own night shirt. The red head nodded, as Alex removed it carefully. Casey instinctively wrapped her arms around her chest and stomach "Casey" Alex whispered "We don't have to do this"

Casey looked at the red head and gave a small smile "I want to" she said with as much confidence as she could

"Then let me see you" Alex whispered, taking the red heads hands before kissing the scars on Casey's stomach "I love you"

"I love you too Al, so much" Casey whispered as she ran her hands up and down Alex's side, before resting them on the blonde's hips.

Casey pulled down her pyjama bottoms, and stepped out of them, she turned, and seductively wiggled out of her underwear, swinging them in her hand as she tossed them into the wash basket

Alex giggled, before taking a deep breath as she saw the now naked form of her girlfriend before her. "You're beautiful" she whispered as she removed her own garments.

"As are you" Casey breathed back, taking Alex's hands as she led them to the shower.

Turning on the water, both women stepped in together. Alex gasping at the still a little cold water, as it hit her skin "Let me wash you" she said to the red head, squeezing shower gel onto a sponge

Casey gasped as she felt Alex begin to massage her back, between her shoulder blades in circular motions. "That feels good" she murmured as the blonde continued to streak soapy water down her spine

"Here, wash your front" Alex said handing the sponge around to Casey, who took it before turning

"I thought you were going to wash me?" she asked looking at the sponge and back at Alex

"I didn't want to presume I could touch you in those places" Alex almost whispered

Casey smiled, touched by the blonde's thoughtfulness. _'How did I get so lucky?'_ she thought before handing the sponge back to Alex

"Touch me" she instructed, nervously

Alex gently ran the sponge over Casey's collarbone, causing the red head to murmur her approval in a half moan, half sigh. Alex gently brought the sponge down the red head's sides before gently swirling it over Casey's hips.

Casey moaned as she felt her muscles contracted deep in her abdomen. Alex snaked her hands across Casey's stomach, bringing the sponge across the red head's breasts, causing them both to shiver at the contact. Alex smiled as she placed a kiss on Casey's shoulder, before running the sponge around Casey's nipples, causing them to peak with arousal.

Alex heard Casey gasp as she lowered the sponge as she knelt to wash the red head's legs. Alex wasn't being particular sexual in her movements or touches but excited at the responses coming from the red head as she brought the sponge to her thighs. Casey trembled at the contact, before gasping when Alex began to clean her intimates. Alex stopped her movements, looking at the red head who was caught in a battle "Casey?"

"Don't stop" Casey whispered, but tensed her body as she spoke

Alex stood "Let's just finish up, and we can cuddle" she said "We're moving too fast, I'm sorry"

Casey breathed out, steadying herself "Alex, I wanted to" she managed to choke out, her tears falling slowly

"I know baby. That was a big step for us both" Alex said, wiping away the red heads tears and she held back her own. She wasn't upset that Casey wanted to stop, but rather at the fact that Casey was upset because she wanted to stop.

"How slow do we have to take it, before you get tired of waiting Al?" Casey asked

"You can take it as slow as you need, I'll always be here. I'll wait forever" Alex whispered, placing a chaste kiss on the red heads lips.

* * *

They sat snuggled on the couch, Alex had made breakfast and they had eaten in a tense silence. Casey still felt awful for stopping, but was relieved that Alex had managed to reassure her before she had a panic attack. That had happened a lot, when Casey felt things were getting too much, she'd panic that she wouldn't cope, therefore causing herself to lose control.

"I love you" she breathed out, resting her hand on Alex's thigh

"Oh Case" Alex whispered, knowing that Casey was trying to reassure herself more than she was Alex "I love you too"

"I'm sorry I made you stop"

"Shh" Alex said, placing a finger on the red heads lips "Its forgotten okay. You did nothing wrong that you need to apologise for. We decided to take it slow, and if you need more time, I'll happily give it to you. I don't want us to do something that we regret afterwards. When the time is right, it will happen, Case"

"I'm scared" Casey admitted

"What of, baby?" Alex asked, taking the red heads hand in her own as she laced their fingers together

"Of not being good enough, of doing something wrong, of not pleasuring you enough"

"Hey. You are good enough for me, you are what I want. And sex isn't perfect, but it's natural and a learning experience. We'll figure things out together" Alex said, shifting so she could see Casey properly as she spoke

"But you know what you're doing?" Casey said seriously

"It's different with every person Casey. What I did with one person wasn't always what turned another on, so I had to learn each time. It goes how it goes, but never be worried about not satisfying me"

"How many?" Casey asked, causing Alex to frown in confusion

"How many what?"

"Girlfriends" Casey said as if Alex should have known what she was asking

"Case…" Alex started, but stopped when she saw the insistence in the red heads green eyes "A few"

"As in 3, or as in, I don't want to give a number"

"As in, it doesn't matter. You are what I want right now and what I will always want"

"How do you know that you'll never want more?"

"Because I love you"

"You loved Abbie" Casey pointed out

Alex scowled at the mention of the brunette but didn't respond to Casey.

"Alex" Casey said worriedly

"I thought I loved Abbie, yes" Alex said "But it wasn't like this, Case. I don't even know if it was love anymore. What I feel here, and now, with you, I've never felt before. It's like a force, pulling me to you, holding me here. I'll never tire of you, feel you are not enough, because you are perfect to me, perfect for me"

Casey was crying as Alex spoke, and as Alex gave her a gentle kiss conveying all the love she had, Casey realised at that precise moment that Alex was being totally honest.

"I want to meet Abbie" she whispered

"Why?" Alex said in shock, jumping back from Casey as she searched the red head for some sort of explanation, understanding even.

"Because, I know you still care about her. She meant something to you, and I know she wants to talk to you. I want to hear what she has to say, I want you to talk and I want to know what happened between you. Alex, if we are going to work, if I am going to get better, I need to see that you and her are okay. I don't want to constantly worry that you'll change your mind"

"I won't. I told you Case. Why can't you believe me?" Alex asked, she was angry that Casey didn't see the truth, and a little bit worried.

"I do, trust me, I do. I don't believe that she just wants to be friends, I know she still loves you, and I can see why, I love you so much" Casey tried to explain, but she could see she was failing to get the blonde to see it from her point of view "Look, I just want us to go out, for drinks. Talk and see if we can work things out together. Why should you not be her friend Alex? I know she meant a lot to you"

"I just…Casey, I love you. I love you and only you. I don't care if me and Abbie never set eyes on each other again, you are all I need"

Casey didn't know what to say. Alex was willing to never see her ex again, for her. She was willing to put her own friendships second. No one had ever put Casey first, the whole concept was overwhelming "I love you" she whispered

"Let's not talk about Abbie. I want to talk about you. Tell me about your past relationships"

"Why?" Casey asked, raising an eyebrow

"Because I want to know why you have trouble trusting? I want to know everything about you"

"I don't know if I can" Casey whispered

"Tell me what you're comfortable with. I won't push you, you know that" Alex said, caressing the red heads cheek before kissing her soundly on the lips "Let me love you, with everything I have. And by the way, when I said a few, that's exactly what I meant"

**So what did you think? Did I redeem myself after the poor chapter previous? Do you think Casey meeting Abbie is a good idea? And do you think Alex still loves Abbie? **


	12. Chapter 12

**A.N: I wanted to get this chapter up because the next will take a while to write. Thank you to those few readers that are dedicated to reviewing, your support means a lot to me.**

**OMG! I just watched the latest episode. I can't believe Munch handed in his papers! Liv will be the only original detective left, it kind of makes me worry that she'll go soon, but hopefully Mariska wants to stay. I think they need to bring Alex back again! The chemistry between Liv and Brian is so lackluster, it gets under my skin. I don't know how you feel, but this is just my opinion so by all means give me yours, but don't be rude about it. **

Chapter 12

Alex slammed the phone down hard, causing Casey to jump from the chair, awoken from a light doze. "Jesus woman" she exclaimed, clutching her heart which was beating extremely fast "Do you want to kill me?"

Alex sighed, and the chuckled as she saw Casey breathing hard "Sorry" she mumbled sheepishly

"What's up Al?" Casey questioned, beginning to worry at the stressed nature of her girlfriend.

"That was Liz. I need to go in" she sighed running her hand through her long blonde hair that fell across her shoulders.

"Then go, why the pissed look?" Casey enquired, raising a brow, thoroughly confused

"We're meant to be taking time off" she mumbled

"Um, we've been out for over a week Alex. We can't ignore work forever" Casey told the blonde, still not sure what the actual problem was.

"I know. I just don't want to leave you"

"You don't trust me" Casey almost whispered, fidgeting around

"I do Casey, I do. But I want to be here with you"

"I'll be here when you get back. What does Liz need you for?" Casey asked

"Kim's requested a transfer, effective immediately. I need to go back. She said, it was either you or me, and I know you need more time" Alex sighed, standing up and beginning to pace the room

"Alex, go. I'm okay. If I need you, I'll call or I'll call Olivia. I'll be fine. Go to work" Casey said standing and halting the blonde's steps before kissing her gently on the lips

"You promise?" Alex asked as she pulled away

"Yes, now let me give you a kiss" Casey said huskily, capturing the blonde's lips in a deep kiss. They made out for a couple of minutes before Casey gave the blonde a playful shove "Now go, before Liz has your ass"

Alex chuckled as she grabbed her attaché case, and left her apartment. When she reached her car, she text the red head

**_I miss you already. Spare key in the drawer under the microwave if you go out. Love you xx_**

Casey smiled, before replying **_Want some cheese with that text? Love u too xxx_**

Alex laughs as she gets into the car, she really has enjoyed being with Casey this week, and she is still a little concerned about leaving her so soon. Hoping that the day passes quickly and happily noticing that it is already turning midday.

* * *

"Casey? Is everything okay?" Olivia asks, answering the phone the second it rang. She was concerned to see 4 missed calls from the red head when she checked her phone after leaving the courthouse.

"It's fine Liv. I just wanted to talk to you. I need your help?"

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked, panicking a little as she buckled her seat belt "Are you at Alex's?"

"Yes" Casey sighed "Liv, trust me. I'm okay. I just wanted some advice"

"I'll be over in 5 minutes" Olivia said hanging up.

A little while later she was sitting on the leather couch in Alex's living room, while Casey explained what she wanted help with…

"I want to have a special night in with Alex. I don't know what her favourite meal is…or what she eats. I can't go out, not yet, I just…too many temptations Liv"

"You want me to go shopping for you?" Olivia understands

"Yeah, what does Alex like?" Casey sighed realising she's been selfish lately and doesn't really know much about her girlfriend at all.

"Alex loves Pasta with all the sauces" Olivia explains causing Casey to tense up "But I know you don't"

"If that's what she likes…" Casey says, making a decision "That's what we'll have"

"What else do you need me to get?"

"Just the ingredients, and a bottle of non alcoholic spritzer" Casey shudders as she stands

"Case?" Olivia questions "How are you really?"

"I'm good"

"You don't sound too sure. Do you need me to call Alex?"

Casey shakes her head quickly "No, No. I…please don't"

"Come to the shop with me" Olivia urges, a little concerned about leaving the red head

"I…" Casey stutters, before sighing loudly as she sits back down

"Casey" Olivia asks slowly, putting a hand on the red head's back as she began to hyperventilate "Breathe with me"

Carefully Olivia turned Casey's face so she could see her as she began to count through the breathing technique "In for 3, and out. Breathe in and out. That's it, keep breathing"

Slowly but surely Casey began to relax "Sorry" she muttered after calming down enough to speak

"It's fine. Now, are you okay?"

"I'm fine Olivia. I'm doing really well, seriously. It's just sometimes when things get a bit much I panic" Casey tried to explain

"And you're nervous about this romantic evening and whether it will be up to Alex's standards" Olivia concluded

Casey nodded "I just want to do something nice, but what if she doesn't like it?"

"Case, Alex will love it, because you thought of it, you planned it, set it up, because it's something her girlfriend, who she happens to love, did. Okay?" Olivia told the red head who in reply nodded again as Olivia gave her a small smile "Now, let's go get what you need"

* * *

Meanwhile, Alex was sitting in her office. Liz had already asked why Casey was off, and Alex had said that it was personal and Casey was working through a few things. She didn't know whether to tell Liz anything, for fear of upsetting Casey and because she felt like she would be betraying her confidence if she did without her permission.

Just as Alex was beginning to type up an opening statement, there was a knock on the door "Come in" she could with as much sprightliness as she could but groaned when she saw her visitor "Abbie"

"Alex…" Abbie began stepping towards the desk where Alex resided

"Abbie, please would you go? I'm busy, I really don't have anything to say to you" Alex said defensively

"No. I have something to say to you, and you're going to hear it. I'm sorry" Abbie said as she sat in the seat opposite the blonde

"Sorry is just a word Abbie"

"You have every right to be angry at me Alex. I deserve it. I was rude, I was wrong, and most importantly, I caused you pain, then and now. I love you, yes but I am not here to cause you upset or to ruin your relationship with Casey. I know how much you love her and she loves you"

"Abs. You need to keep your distance, please" Alex tried to cover her emotions but the words came out in a strangled whisper

"Alex? Is everything okay? Liv told me that Casey asked if I was a better kisser, why?"

"Abbie, I can't tell you"

"Casey isn't very confident is she? She's quite insecure really"

"What do you know?" Alex spat before feeling guilty "I'm sorry"

"No, you're right. I don't know anything, but I've seen her in court, she can't look at the jury when talking to them, she gets nervous addressing the judges, and she's always fiddling with her hair, her clothes"

"You've noticed that?" Alex asks, wondering whether other people have as well.

Abbie nods before sighing "Look, I would like us to be friends, that's all. And I'd like to get to know Casey when she's ready"

"She asked to meet you" Alex told the brunette

"She did? I'd love to meet her" Abbie smiles "Seriously Alex, you're happy and I want to meet the person who makes you happy"

"You made me happy once" Alex muses

"We had a good run didn't we and I ruined it, I know. I really never meant to hurt you Alex. I was always so career driven"

"I know that, I knew. It still hurt though. Abbie, I don't know if I ever really loved you" Alex said quietly

"What does that mean?"

"It means, I thought I did, but this, with Casey is different. It's like we were meant to be, I feel so drawn to her, so whole when she's with me"

"She's your soul mate Alex" Abbie explained, with a small smile

"She really is. What about you Abs, you got anyone?"

"No, I thought coming back to New York, we could start afresh" Abbie said pushing out her chair as she stood

"We can, as friends. Look Abbie, let me go" Alex begged the brunette

"I already have. I'll see you around"

Alex sighed as Abbie exited her office. She was worried about Casey, how Abbie had noticed things and wondered if anyone else had. She was aware that the red head was only at SVU for a trial run, and that with this time off, it may not bode well for her.

* * *

"Casey baby, I'm…" Alex began to call as she opened the door before stopping and gasping

"Surprise" Casey smiled, sitting cross legged on the floor with a glass in her hand

"Case?" Alex said wide eyed as her eyes went from the glass to Casey's face

"It's non alcoholic" Casey said, before placing it on the table with a sigh "Seriously Al, you need to trust me"

"Sorry" Alex almost whispered as she looked around the room, there were candles along the fireplace, the fire was roaring. Casey was sitting on a rug, as the smell of dinner wafted from the kitchen "What's all this?"

"My attempt at a date" Casey muttered bowing her head low

"Hey" Alex sat kneeling in front of the red head "It's perfect" she whispered, before lifting the red heads chin and smiling "Perfect"

Casey gave a small smile as Alex cupped her face and brought their lips together. Casey smiled into the kiss as she asked for entrance. Alex complied, pulling the red head closer to her, so that she was now kneeling, mirroring the blonde. Wrapping her arms around Alex, Casey pushed Alex backwards gently, before straddling the blonde. Alex gasped as she felt Casey's hand brush her breast. Even through the fabric, the touch shot fireworks through her body.

"Dinner's nearly ready" Casey whispered as she kissed Alex lightly on the lips before climbing from the blonde, and offering her hand.

"Case…" Alex moaned causing the red head to chuckle

"Let's just have dinner, and maybe you'll get desert" she said huskily into the blonde's ear as she stood.

Alex followed Casey into the kitchen "What did you cook?" she asked as the smell caused her stomach to rumble its desire for food.

They laughed at the noise, before Casey opened the oven "Chicken and Mushroom Pasta Bake"

"That looks delicious" Alex said licking her lips "You cooked this?"

"Olivia helped a little" she said placing the tray onto the unit and turning to face the blonde

"Olivia?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow

Casey nodded, before turning back to the meal "I…yeah"

"Well, it looks amazing, and I can't wait. But this is way too much for me, what are you eating?"

"You said it looks delicious" Casey mumbled "Why cook something different for myself?"

"Case…" Alex began but stopped, deciding that if this is what Casey was going to eat, then she should let her

Casey plated the meals up, giving herself a rather small portion and asking Alex if she had enough on her plate "For now" the blonde grinned as they sat down on the rug.

"How was work?" Casey asked

"Normal" Alex answered before taking a mouthful of her meal "Mmm, oh my gosh Case, this is perfect"

Casey smiled "Thank you" as she nibbled on a piece of pasta "You've got enough sauce?"

Alex nodded shovelling in a second mouthful. "So apart from all this, what did you get up to today?"

"Well, I needed to know what you liked so I called Olivia, and also because I needed her help for the ingredients"

"She never said anything…"

"Because it was a surprise" Casey said sarcastically "You didn't answer my question about work. Normal is not an answer"

"It was eventful" Alex mused

"Do I have to learn to mind read?" Casey asked quizzically

Alex chuckled "Kim didn't get on with the guys. Liv said it was because she wasn't you or me"

"I bet they didn't go easy on her"

"SVU isn't for some people" Alex said

Casey nodded "I know"

"Anyway…" Alex began. She wanted to tell Casey about the conversation with Abbie but decided not to. Not right now anyway. This was a nice evening together, it didn't need ruining.

Alex finished her meal rather quickly, but they continued with the small talk until Casey put her fork down "Desert time" she said, taking the plate from Alex

Alex stood to help, but Casey shot her a look before shaking her head "Sit" she ordered

Alex smiled and lent against the couch, running her hand through her hair.

A short time later, Casey appeared wearing a bath robe and a can of squirt cream "You hungry?" she whispered seductively to the blonde, as she untied the robe, revealing her rather naked form

Alex gasped before smiling "You sure?" she asked tentatively

Casey chucked her the can of cream before removing the robe fully and lying down on the rug "Certain"…

**Reviews will be very welcome. Who's ready for the next chapter?**


	13. Chapter 13

**A.N: I wanted to get this chapter right, so it took me a little longer than usual. I hope you enjoy. **

**I almost didn't get to post this though as my internet connection is being a bit temperamental today :)**

****Chapter 13

"Sit up" Alex instructed the naked red head lying flat on the rug

"Why" she questioned

"Shh, just trust me" Alex whispered, pulling Casey into a sitting position as she knelt beside her.

She squirted some cream gently onto Casey's nose, before licking it off and giggling. "You taste sweet"

Casey chuckled, as she took the can from the blonde and squirted the cream on Alex's nose before licking it off "So do you"

Alex kissed Casey gently as she pushed her back, before straddling her thighs and giggling "Can I?" she asked, reaching for the cream in Casey's hand

Casey nodded as Alex took the can and squeezed out a generous amount on Casey's stomach, she dipped her head and began kissing the red head's skin around the dollop of cream, before using her tongue to lap at the milky substance, swirling her tongue in circular motions. She could tell by Casey's breathing that she was enjoying the activity, and was pleased to hear the red head murmur her approval.

Alex continued to lick the pale skin of her girlfriend, bringing her tongue underneath Casey's left breast, "Oh god" Casey breathed out causing Alex to smile as she gently flicked her tongue across a nipple which peaked with a few strokes. Sucking gently Alex caused Casey's hips to flex as she began her assault on the right breast.

"That feel good baby?" she asked huskily, nipping gently at the skin before kissing it soothingly

"Mm hmm" Casey managed to nod as Alex's lips found her own. Casey pushed Alex gently upwards as she wrapped her arms around the blonde. Casey began to lift Alex shirt, but the blonde stilled her movements, shaking her head

"Uh uh. This is all about you" she whispered huskily before pushing the red head back down, and sucking on her pulse point, causing Casey to breathe out a guttural moan

Alex gently brought her hands down the red heads side, tracing a figure eight around both hips, shimmering her body downwards, kissing the skin just below them. "Relax" she said as she felt the red head tense at her actions, before rubbing a hand along the inside of the red head's thigh

Kissing the red head's crotch, above the small tuft of curls, she inhaled the scent of her arousal "So sexy" she breathed as she began kissing the inside of Casey's thighs

"Alex" Casey breathed out in a moan "please"

Alex smiled at the way Casey begged, kissing her other thigh in a slow and taunting manner

"Al" Casey breathed again, squirming beneath the blonde.

Alex blew out a breath on Casey's sex, causing her to shudder at the contact, before gently bringing her tongue into contact with the skin "Oh gosh" Casey groaned "Oh"

"Mmm, you like that baby?" Alex spoke seductively

"Yes, Alex" Casey managed as Alex twirled her tongue over Casey's hardening clit. Casey's hips lifted off the rug as she let out a shriek of pleasure.

Alex kissed the nub before taking the red head's hands "You'll get carpet burn if we do this here" she said, lifting the red head into her arms.

Alex carried her to the bedroom, placing her gently on the bed, before removing her own shirt and pants. Straddling the red head she kissed her with a passion, their tongues snaking around each other's as Casey's hands began to roam the now uncovered skin of the blonde. "You feel so smooth" she thought allowed as Alex broke the kiss

Alex smiled, as she pushed Casey backwards, kissing above her breasts "I love you" she breathed out, as her hand cupped the red head's sex. She pressed gently onto Casey's clit, before rubbing it with tenderness. Casey squirmed at the touch "Oh Oh Alex"

Alex continued to rub the bundle of nerves as she sucked gently on a taut nipple. Casey moaned softly as her arousal grew. Alex gently ran a finger through the red head's folds "You're dripping" she giggled

"Uh uh" Casey nodded, unable to form a coherent sentence as the blonde inserted a long finger into Casey. Gently thrusting, Alex continued to nibble, suck and lick the red head's breasts. She inserted a second finger, speeding the thrusts a fraction.

"Alex, I…oh my, I…oh god" Casey breathed out, bringing her hips up to meet the blonde's fingers as Alex pressed her other hand to her clit.

"Come for me baby" Alex whispered into the red heads ear as she curled her fingers inside Casey, once, twice and three times.

These words coupled with the pressure inside were the red head's undoing as her hips rose and she shuddered through her orgasm "Oh, oh, Ohhhhhh yes" she cried as her muscles contracted around the blonde's fingers. Alex smiled as she slowly died down the thrusts, kissing Casey gently on the lips.

Removing her fingers, Alex shimmied down to lick at the red head's juices, as her tongue came in contact with the sensitive bundle of nerves, Casey's hips jerked upwards as another wave ran through her, in a silent aftershock.

"Oh my god" she choked out, as Alex moved her body up to the red heads. Alex kissed Casey gently, tasting a salty wetness. Realising the red head was crying, she pulled back

"Hey baby" she whispered "You okay?"

"Mmm hmm" Casey mumbled "Never better"

"You're crying" Alex noted, causing Casey to chuckle

"I love you" Casey breathed out "That was amazing"

"You are amazing" the blonde countered, her own arousal causing a slight discomfort as she willed her body to calm

"You need release" Casey stated

"I'm okay" Alex tried to sound convincing

"I…don't know what…" Casey worried, unsure of what to do.

"Don't worry" Alex whispered straddling Casey's thigh

"You feel wet" Casey whispered

"I am" Alex breathed out as she began to rub herself along the red head's thigh as her lips met Casey's. Within minutes Alex was breathing hard as she broke the kiss to let out a guttural moan as her orgasm ripped through her body as she shook violently.

Collapsing on the red head, Alex took a moment to breathe before chuckling "That was…"

"You were quick" Casey breathed out, in shock at how powerful Alex's orgasm was, and how beautiful she looked in the throes of ecstasy.

"It was watching you come that brought me that close" she smiled at the red head as they lay, limbs tangled together. Alex had her head on Casey's chest as she listened to her heartbeat, whole feeling her own beat in overdrive

"If I had known it would feel like this, I'd have done it sooner" Casey mused "I'm sorry about this morning"

"Shh, baby. Think of right now, forget everything else. Now, is perfect" Alex whispered, kissing the red heads shoulder

Alex heard the shallow, calm breathing of her girlfriend, as she realised she had fallen asleep. Chuckling gently to herself, Alex closed her eyes and joined her in sleep.

* * *

Casey opened her eyes, as she looked at the blonde sleeping beside her. She could hear Alex mumbling, and listened carefully "Abbie"

Casey jumped up at hearing the brunette's name, anger and pain hitting through her core

"I love Casey, Abbie" Alex mumbled, as she shifted her body

Casey breathed in, "Only Casey" Alex mumbled a little louder "Casey…soul mate…mine", Casey breathed out in relief, still slightly confused

"Al" she whispered

"Casey, beautiful Casey" Alex mumbled, rubbing her knee into Casey's crotch. Casey breathed heavy, closing her eyes tight. As Alex continued to move, Casey felt herself getting wetter at the contact

"Alex" she said a little louder before letting out a slow moan

"Love you Casey"

"I love you too Alex" Casey replied to the sleeping blonde.

Alex continued to mumble as she shifted herself from Casey's sex, causing Casey to murmur her disapproval.

Realising the blonde had emerged from her dream; Casey decided to please herself, as she began to rub her clit with her right hand, the left squeezing and caressing her breasts and stomach

As Casey reached orgasm, she bit down on her lip hard, to stop herself from crying out. Shuddering with the aftershocks, she tasted the coppery texture on her lips and giggled. This caused Alex to stir, as she opened her eyes, and noticed Casey touching herself.

She looked up at the red head whose lip was bleeding and gasped "Casey!" she exclaimed sitting up

"Morning" Casey breathed out, as she stilled her movements

"You're bleeding" Alex said, touching the red heads lips

Casey licked the blood away before giggling…

"What?" Alex raised her brows

"I had an orgasm" Casey whispered "I didn't want to wake you"

"You what? Oh…my…god. You were touching yourself!" Alex exclaimed, realisation hitting her

Casey giggled "If you hadn't of been dreaming and rubbing your knee between my legs…I wouldn't have need relief"

"I was? Shit, oh gosh. Sorry Casey" Alex blushed

"It's fine Alex. Although you frightened me senseless for a moment"

"What…why?"

"You were mumbling Abbie's name" Casey said looking directly into Alex's eyes

"I…oh, I'm sorry. I don't….I…you" Alex stuttered in panic, and confusion

"Its fine, you were telling Abbie that you loved me" Casey chuckled

"I was?" Alex raised a brow "Oh my god. Yesterday"

"Yesterday? What happened yesterday?" Casey asked

"I saw Abbie. She came into my office. I told her I loved you, that I don't know if I loved her. We talked, that's all. She's going to back off, I think"

"I told you, I wanted to meet her"

"She wants to meet you too. But I don't know Case"

"I'll talk to Hilary about it, and I'll come into work afterwards. I guess I have to go back. I'm still on trial"

"I know" Alex breathed out

"What is it Alex?"

"I think we need to talk to Liz. Explain about the time off. I don't want it to cause you your job"

"But if I tell Liz about the drinking…"

"She'll understand. You're doing great aren't you?"

"I still feel tempted"

"You do? I thought…" Alex said worriedly

"I don't want to drink, but I do feel tempted. That's why I asked Olivia to get the stuff yesterday; I didn't want to go out on my own"

"Oh Case" Alex said, kissing the red head on the cheek "You want me to come to see Hilary with you?"

"No. I'll be okay. I swear I don't want to drink, and I won't. I'm just scared of her knowing"

"It'll be fine. You want me to tell her, before you come back?"

Casey nodded "If she goes off on one, tell me"

"You sure you'll be okay"

"Yes. Now we got to get up, or you'll be late. Go shower"

"Come with me" Alex said, winking at the red head

"If we shower together, we'll both be coming…and then we will be late, so shoo will you!" Casey giggled pushing Alex off the bed.

Alex looked at Casey, and shook her head. She loved this more confident side to her, but something in the back of her mind was telling her something wasn't right.

* * *

Alex strolled into the 1-6, with the warrant in hand. It had been a crazy morning, and she was lacking her usual drive. Plus, she hadn't heard from Casey and after last night and this morning, she was pretty concerned about the red head.

Alex had replayed the events over and over, all she had come to conclude was that Casey was beautiful, responding amazingly when aroused, and was emotional after orgasm. It was this last piece of information that had caught her attention as she made her way into the squad room

"Hey El. I got the warrant you wanted. Where's Liv?" she asked, handing the warrant to Elliot

"I'm here" she heard the chirpy voice of Olivia behind her

"Liv" she said quietly, trying to communicate with her eyes but only causing Olivia to raise her brows in question

"Alex?"

"Can I…I need to talk to you" she managed

"Sure. Come up to the crib" Olivia said taking the blonde's arm. "What's up?" she asked closing the door behind her

"I'm worried about Casey"

"Why?"

"We made love last night" Alex said, with a half smile

"That's great" Olivia said, confused "What's the problem?"

"Olivia, have you ever cried afterwards?"

"Yes, I have" Olivia answered honestly, as she sat on the couch where the blonde had flopped moments earlier

"Maybe I am a cold bitch" Alex mused, trying to sort through her thoughts

"No you're not. Alex, what's up? Did Casey cry?"

Alex nodded "Yeah"

"Who instigated the sex?"

"She did"

"Well, I think it was relief maybe…" Olivia said, unsure of what to say and how to reassure the blonde. In fact, she didn't know if she needed reassuring

"I said Abbie's name"

"During sex?!" Olivia almost shouted

"Shh" Alex said, embarrassed at how loud Olivia had spoken "No, I was dreaming. I told Abbie in my sleep that I loved Casey"

"Oh" Olivia said sheepishly, before shaking her head "and…"

"Olivia. Casey came into the living room after our meal in just a robe with some whipped cream. She instigated sex, I made love to her. She was nervous to do anything to me. She cried afterwards. Then when I woke up this morning, she had made herself orgasm"

Olivia blushed hearing the blonde talk so openly about her romantic evening and morning with her girlfriend, but she also knew it was Alex's way of understanding things.

"She was so much more confident; she said some things, sexual things. She then told me she's still tempted to drink"

"I noticed she was a little nervous about being out on her own"

"She's seeing the counsellor today, but she hasn't called or answered her phone"

Just then Alex's phone rang; she frowned when she didn't recognise the number "Alex Cabot"

"This is Hilary Neilson. I'm calling as Casey never attended her appointment this morning"

Alex looked at Olivia with worried eyes "Thanks for letting me know. I'll get her to call you"

Olivia touched Alex's shoulder as she noticed her tremble "Alex?"

"Casey never got to her counselling appointment" Alex explained, the panic evident in her voice as she stood and bounded out of the crib, Olivia close behind…

**Would really like some reviews, if it's not too much of a hassle. Sorry to leave you hanging though...and that it isn't a completely happy chapter. **


	14. Chapter 14

**A.N: Thank you for the reviews on the previous chapter.**

**Casey is battling her inner demons, but she is working through them gradually and it's a process that takes time. **

Chapter 14

Alex unlocked her door "Casey?!" she called out, as she stepped inside.

Olivia was calling the red head's cell, but it was ringing relentlessly…before "This is Casey Novak, I'm tied up right now, not literally, so don't call the cops, unless I don't get back to you within 48 hours". Olivia laughed a hearty laugh as she listened to the red head's voicemail.

"What's so funny right now Olivia? Casey isn't here" she said anger radiating through her body

"Her voicemail Alex, she's got a funny sense of humour"

"What are you talking about Olivia?" Alex raised an eyebrow as she locked the door

"Her voicemail…" Olivia began but realised Alex has no idea what she's talking about

"It's just standard Olivia"

Olivia shook her head, "I'm tied up, not literally, don't call the cops unless I don't reply in 48 hours" she repeated, as she dialled Casey's number as they left the building

"What? That wasn't there when I rang in the car" Alex said "You think she's drunk?"

"She didn't sound it"

"I know, I don't know though Liv. Where is she?" Alex worried allowed as she got in the car

"Let's try her apartment"

* * *

"Casey?" Alex called as she knocked on the door

Inside Casey stopped when she heard her girlfriend on the other side of the door. Knowing she couldn't pretend she wasn't there, she sighed as she made her way to the door.

Opening it, Casey gave the two worried looking women a small smile "Come in"

"Casey?" Olivia asked confused. Casey seemed calm, and there didn't seem to be any alcohol in sight although she knew that it didn't mean the red head hadn't had anything.

"Mmm hmmm" she mumbled, as she sat down on the couch

"You missed counselling" Alex approached the subject

Casey nodded "I didn't feel like it"

"Casey?" Alex said reaching out for the red head

"I only had one drink Alex. Just one, I needed…" she began but the tears stopped her from forming words as she swallowed a sob

Alex enveloped her in a warm hug, holding her as she cried

"I've got to get back to work" Olivia whispered after a few minutes, as Casey began to calm her tears. Alex had not released her grip on the red head.

Alex nodded and mouthed a "Thank you" to the brunette detective, who placed a gentle kiss on Casey's forehead and gave Alex an awkward looking sideways hug before silently exiting.

The two women were left in their own thoughts, still wrapped tightly together on the couch

"Are you hungry?" Alex asked the red head quietly, as both of their stomach's rumbled. Casey laughed lightly, before sighing

"A little" she murmured

"Shall I order in something?"

"I might just have some toast" Casey mused as she pulled back from Alex's embrace

"Okay" Alex managed a small smile, but she was worried about her girlfriend. Part of her felt guilty and wondered if Casey regretted there love making, or whether something had happened to cause her to drink.

While she believed the red head that she had only had one, and was relieved and proud. She wondered why she hadn't gone to the counsellor. It felt as if Casey hadn't tried to prevent herself from drinking at all.

"Casey?" Alex began "What really happened today?"

"I just…I got scared about doing things to you…Its stupid" Casey blushed

"Being scared isn't stupid Casey, but you don't need to be scared. I told you, just do what feels natural, but I'll never push you to do what you feel uncomfortable with"

"I always hated sex" Casey admitted "With Charlie, it started off okay but he was just a bit too enthusiastic and then when he was sick, he would just…it wasn't fun"

"Baby, we can take this as slow as we want. And sex can be totally on your terms. If you don't like something tell me, if you want to stop, we will and I promise you, it will get better. It's like everything, you learn and it's never the same each time"

Casey smiled, something about Alex always seemed to calm her, always seemed to make her relax and feel so much better. "Thanks" she murmured

"It's nothing, I love you Case"

"I love you too" Casey smiled "What would you like to eat?"

"I'll have whatever you're having" Alex said, standing to follow the red head to the kitchen

"I was hoping you'd say me" Casey winked "Oh god. I sound like a horny teenager"

Alex chuckled as Casey placed 4 slices of bread into the toaster.

"Anything you'd like on your toast, Al?"

"You"

Casey giggled as she turned, her lips being caught by the blonde's in a gentle kiss.

"You're beautiful" Alex breathed

"Thanks. What did you want on your toast again…?" she smirked

"Just butter" Alex said causing Casey to pout

Alex just laughed as Casey began to butter the slices of toast before handing a plate with 2 slices on to the blonde

"Why didn't you go the counsellor Case?"

"I…talking about sex with someone like that just feels wrong Alex. I've…I don't like to discuss it…not like that"

Alex nodded, she did understand to some extent. She herself had always been a private person.

Once they had eaten, Alex gave Casey a small smile... "Let's go away for thanksgiving"

"What?" Casey jumped back

"Let's go away somewhere. Anywhere. I didn't get a chance to talk to Liz, but I will tomorrow, and then we'll go to see Hilary, together"

"Who will cover our cases?" Casey asked, avoiding the issue of talking to Liz and the counselling

"Abbie" Alex said matter of fact "She prosecuted SVU cases back in the day. And the guys love her"

Casey shrugged her shoulders, as she pulled her knees to her chest on the couch. She gave Alex a small smile and nodded, as she closed her eyes "I'm tired" she whispered, before drifting into a light sleep

* * *

A few hours later Casey woke to a silent apartment. She began to worry that Alex had had enough and left until she heard the key in the lock "Alex!" Casey exclaimed pouncing into the blonde's arms

"Hey" Alex breathed, a little taken aback by the red head's enthusiasm to see her

"I thought you'd left" Casey mumbled, feeling embarrassed

"Never baby. I just popped out for a bit" she replied, squeezing the red head gently

"Why?" Casey asked stepping from the blonde's space

"For this" she whispered "Close your eyes"

Casey hesitantly did as Alex asked, she shivered when she felt cold hands on her neck, but breathed hard when she realised what Alex was placing around her neck

"Alex" she whispered opening her eyes and looking at the gold chain around her neck, which held an A and a C tangled in each other.

"I love you Casey, and this is to remind of you that always" the blonde said, taking Casey's shoulders as she turned

"I love you too" Casey choked out, generally touched by her girlfriend's romantic gesture

Alex placed a light kiss on the red head's lips, as she led her to the couch, pulling the red head to sit between her legs as she laid long ways on the piece of furniture. Casey's apartment was a complete contrast to the blonde's, but it was still elegant in places and had a homey feel.

They lay together, just content with the moment, happy to be with one another even through the hardships and struggles of the couple of weeks.

"Can we go and see Liz now?" Casey said quietly, bringing Alex out of her thoughts

"We can do it tomorrow" Alex replied, she was happy to be sitting like this, happy to just relax, she didn't know why they needed to talk to Liz so urgently

"No, I want to do it now. I need to do it"

"Are you sure?" Alex asked gently

"Yes! Alex, please. You wanted us to go away. I need to go; I need to just get away for a bit"

"Okay" Alex relented, sensing the urgency and panicky tone of the red head as she spoke

* * *

"Casey" Liz acknowledged the red head before smiling at Alex "Alexandra"

Alex grunted at the use of her full name, causing Casey to chuckle as she nudged the blonde. Alex gave Casey a huge grin and playfully slapped the red head on the arm.

Liz smiled at the two women "If you're coming to disclose your relationship, I already know"

"You do?" Casey said, a little taken aback, looking enquiringly at her girlfriend who shrugged as they sat down on the opposite side of the desk to Liz

"Oh come on. It's obvious. I saw you holding hands, and then Alex asks for time off for you both…I mean, obviously that means something"

"I…it was" Casey stuttered. Alex placed her hand over Casey's and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Casey's struggling with a few personal things" Alex began, now she was here she wasn't sure how to explain the situation

"I'm an alcoholic" Casey said, finding strength in her girlfriends touch

Liz opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it again, before opening it and sighing "I knew there was something up. Abbie came to me with a few concerns yesterday"

"What!?" Alex almost screamed, her anger boiling as she stood up, running her hand through her hair

"Alex" Casey said quietly taking the blonde's hand "Sit down"

"All she told me was that Casey was unstable. I didn't believe her, but she listed a few things she had noticed and I agreed. Casey, you're confidence has dipped considerably since you started at SVU, although looking back, I think it started long before then" Liz began, watching the two women for any reaction

"I know" Casey acknowledged

"SVU was meant on a trial basis Casey"

"I know" she repeated, as Alex stroked a thumb over her hand

"Would you be open to sharing your docket Alex?" Liz asked the blonde

"Uh" Alex was a little shocked at this suggestion, she didn't mind at all if she would be sharing with Casey

"I think it would benefit Casey. You could work the cases together, and choose which parts of the trial to handle"

"Case?" Alex asked, looking at the red head who gave a small smile and nodded

"I think I could do that"

Liz smiled at the two women "You're good for each other. I can see the love you have for each other in your eyes"

"Thanks Liz" Alex smiled genuinely at the older blonde "We, um wanted to ask, if we could take so vacation time, maybe a week?"

Liz shook her head "Alex, you've already been out a week, and back for one day…I can't keep getting new people in to fill you"

"Abbie will cover us" Alex said without room for arguments

"Ok" Liz said furrowing her brows

Alex chuckled "You know she and the guys work okay together. Casey and I need some time to deal with things properly. So, we're going away for Thanksgiving"

"Where are you going?" Liz asked, with a small smile on her lips. She had always admired Alex's ability to make you listen, to capture your attention. It was what made her a great prosecutor

"It's a surprise" Alex smiled at Casey who opened her mouth shocked "I booked it earlier"

Liz nodded at the two women, as they stood "Have a lovely time"

As Alex and Casey exited the office, the red head breathed out a huge sigh of relief "I thought she was going to throw the book at me"

"She wouldn't Case" Alex said, taking her girlfriends hand

"When are we going away?"

"Our flight is at 7pm tomorrow" Alex said grinning ear to ear as she watched Casey raise her eyebrows and open her mouth in shock

"Flight?" she mumbled out

"Mmm hmmm" Alex said as they exited the building, mumbling a few hello's to various acquaintances

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise" Alex repeated the answer she had given Liz minutes earlier. Casey turned and planted a deep kiss on the blonde's lips.

"I love you" she smiled

"I love you too" Alex replied, kissing the red head gently, before pulling away

"Take me home" Casey whispered, causing Alex to breathe deeply as she heard the seduction and want in the red heads voice "I want to make love to you"

Alex wanted to ask the red head if she was sure, but something told her, not to question it at this moment.

**Do you think Casey will go through with it? How shall the next chapter play out? I'd like your ideas. And reviews!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A.N: So, this chapter has a bucket load of smut, but I'm hoping it's still tasteful. **

**Thank you for the lovely reviews I have been receiving.**

**Rossellini: Thank you for your kindness. I would love for this to have more reviews, certainly, but what I do get lifts my spirits. I am trying not to overwrite, to make it believable and easy to follow. **

**Surfrider (Guest): You made me smile with your review. I think it isn't on the list, because I've added Olivia to the character list. Should I remove her, so this is easier to find? **

**Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

Chapter 15

Casey pushed Alex through the door, stopping the assault on her lips momentarily to take a breath.

"Casey" Alex breathed out, she was nervous and it confused her as to why. She wanted Casey to make love to her, and she knew it would be amazing but part of her was unsure if Casey was just doing this to please her "Are you sure?"

"Yes" the red head said with as much confidence as she could muster, capturing the blonde's lips with her own, hungrily

"You're certain?" Alex asked again, this nagging thought not letting her relax

Casey pulled away and sighed "Way to kill the moment" she said with a hint of annoyance. She sat down on the couch, running her hand through her hair.

Alex joined her on the couch, placing her hand on the red head's thigh "I just want you to be sure before we get too far"

"I love you Alex" Casey said, looking straight into the cerulean eyes of her girlfriend as if these words would affirm that she was ready

"I love you too" Alex said honestly

"Let me love you, please" Casey whispered as she pushed on the blonde's shoulders, until she was hovering over her "let me show you how much I love you. I want this"

Alex complied, bringing her head up to meet the red head's soft lips. She moaned into the kiss, allowing it to deepen as she rocked her hips up into the red head above her. Things went up a notch when Alex felt Casey's hands on her breasts; she took a breath and allowed her hands to roam under her girlfriends shirt.

"Take it off me" Casey urged the blonde as she lifted herself upwards slightly. Alex pulled the sleeves down gently, as she shed the red head of her shirt, the bra quickly following. She roamed her hands up Casey's torso, and squeezed the red heads breasts. Smiling when she heard the red head moan out her pleasure

"Oh Al"

Alex pushed upwards and changed their positions so she now was hovering above the red head. While she wanted Casey to love her, touch her, please her, she wanted to do the same to the red head. She wanted to make Casey feel good. "I want to taste you" she whispered huskily as she bent her head low as licked from the red head's navel up between her breasts, she heard the red head breathe in deeply and smiled.

Casey inhaled sharply, her whole body was reacting to the touches of her girlfriend. She wanted her turn to please Alex, but everything the blonde was doing was making her feel so good, she didn't want it to stop. "Please, Al" she breathed causing Alex to grin, as she licked the red head's right breast, snaking her tongue over a nipple before taking it between her teeth and tugging lightly. Casey arched her back and murmured "Don't stop"

Alex had no intentions as she continued her actions on the left breast. She sat up and removed her own top, and Casey took a breath when she realised the blonde was braless. "Beautiful" she whispered as she reached and stroked the blonde's breasts

Alex smiled as she captured Casey's lips with her own. This moment, right now was everything she needed, and she hoped the red head felt the same

Casey was growing impatient, she felt like she would explode any minute. She slowly unfastened the button on her jeans, lifting her hips to shimmy them across her backside, revealing white lace panties that were wet with her arousal. "Beautiful" Alex whispered replaying the compliment she had received moments earlier

Casey gave a shy smile as she reached for the blonde's pants, urging her to shed them quickly in which the blonde happily complied, her own underwear soaked from her juices

"I need you" Casey breathed, as Alex kissed her way along the red head's body, stopping above the red curls "Please"

Alex smiled as Casey almost begged for her. She wasn't going to deny the red head's request, so swiftly drew her tongue along the red head's folds, which were already wet with want "Mmm" she murmured as she tasted the juices of her girlfriend

Casey moaned as she lifted her hips for more contact, her hands finding the blonde's hair as she gripped tightly, silently begging for more contact. Alex flicked her tongue slowly over Casey's clit, causing her hips to rise. Continuing the assault with her mouth, she brought a finger to Casey's opening, teasing it gently, before pushing it inside. She set up a calm rhythm, but quickened her pace as she felt the red head flex her hips to instigate more pressure.

Casey breathed deeply as she closed her eyes, her muscles beginning to contract as she came closer to the edge, she heard the blonde whisper "Open your eyes, I want you to see me when you come"

Casey opened her eyes as she felt the blonde press down on her clit, clenching the side of the sofa as her body began to tremble. She looked to Alex's free hand which was touching her own clit, and that was enough to send her flying "Oh, ah, ah Ohhhhhh Alex, Al, Aleeeex!" she cried out as her juices trickled down her legs.

The blonde lapped them up with a smile, her hand still between her own legs. Casey caught her breath as she watched the blonde "Let me" she whispered seductively, flipping the blonde as they rolled onto the floor.

Casey brought her lips to the blonde's, kissing her gently, before working her way down the blonde's body, kissing every inch of skin. She could smell the scent of sex in the air, and it was as arousing as having the blonde's fingers inside her.

Now she wanted to taste the blonde, so without hesitance, although slightly nervous, she kissed below Alex's navel, and then kissed the blonde's clit, causing Alex to tremble at the touch "You like that?" Casey huskily whispered

"Mmm hmm" Alex nodded as Casey began to flick her tongue through the blonde's folds, causing Alex to tremble every time her tongue made contact with the sensitive bundle of nerves.

Casey lifted the blonde into a sitting position as she kissed her passionately, their tongues doing a dance within each other's mouths. Both woman were moaning and rocking against each other as hands trailed bodies, and breathing became ragged and quick with arousal and desire.

Casey tentatively brought her hand to the blonde's centre, inserting a finger as she felt the blonde enter her, they rocked together, thrusting and hips gyrating in rhythm as both began to climb higher and higher.

Alex crashed over the edge, her whole body shaking with her orgasm, and this brought the red head to her own orgasm and Alex curled her fingers inside the red head.

Alex allowed herself to flop back as Casey lay above her.

"Wow" the blonde breathed out

"Really?" Casey asked, wanting to hear the blonde's approval

"Mmm hmmm" Alex murmured "You were really good"

Casey smiled, she felt much more relaxed now and content in the moment "I love you"

"I love you too Casey"

"Where are we going?" Casey asked

Alex giggled "Oh no, you aren't getting it out of me that easily"

"What do I have to do?" Casey asked, running her hand across the blonde's firm ass cheeks

"Not that" Alex chuckled

Casey brought her hand round to the blonde's centre, finding it still wet with her juices "This?"

"Uh uh" Alex breathed out, shaking her head

Casey stroked the blonde's folds with her finger "You sure?" she asked in a husky whisper.

"Uh uh" Alex repeated, not entirely sure what that response met. She wouldn't tell the red head where they were going, but she was really getting wetter by Casey's actions.

They made love again, this time, Casey being more dominant as her confidence increased. Alex loved this side to Casey and this time, it felt natural. She knew the red head was finding herself, and it pleased her in more ways than one.

* * *

"Get up" Alex instructed the red head

Casey mumbled as she began to stir from her sex induced sleep. After making love for the second time, she was totally worn out, and sleep had overcome her with a force.

"Get up" Alex urged again, this time, pulling the red head upwards.

"Tired" Casey mumbled, which caused Alex to giggle

"Casey! Get up now" Alex laughed as she straddled the red head

"I'm too tired" Casey mumbled, pushing Alex from her. Alex sighed as she made her way from the bedroom, returning a few minutes later with a jug of water.

She trickled it slowly onto the red head's chest, causing Casey to jump and scream "Alex!"

"You wouldn't get up" Alex laughed

"Now I'm all wet" Casey groaned as she sat up. Alex laughed even harder. "You know what I mean"

Alex smirked, staring at the red head "What?" Casey asked, before furrowing her brow "Why did I have to get up?"

"Because we need to pack, and my clothes are at home"

"Well, go home and pack then" Casey said as she lay back down, uncaring about the wetness on her sheets.

"I didn't want to leave without waking you" Alex said, slightly hurt by Casey's tone.

Casey heard the hurt in her girlfriends voice "I'm sorry" she said honestly "I'm just really tired"

Alex nodded, she did understand, bit still, she felt a little pissed at the red head "I'll see you in the morning" she said placing a light kiss on the red head's lips.

"Don't go. You can pack tomorrow" she said, suddenly realising she had been really unfair and didn't really want the blonde to leave.

"It's okay Casey, sleep. Make sure you eat something later. I'll call you" Alex said as she blew the red head a kiss, exiting the bedroom.

Casey sighed as she heard the front door close signalling the now emptiness of her apartment.

* * *

It was 11pm when Alex heard knocking on the front door _'What the fuck?'_ she thought to herself as she noticed the clock

"Alright" she said as the knocking became more insistent. Getting up, she flicked the light switch before looking through the peephole. Her brows furrowed as she spotted the red head on the other side

"Casey?" she questioned as she opened the door as the red head fell into her arms.

"I'm sorry" Casey said, choking on her words as the tears began to fall "I miss you"

"Hey. What's wrong Case? What are you apologising for?"

"Being a bitch when you woke me"

"It's fine" Alex whispered. She knew the red head was serious; she could see the pain and worry on her face.

"No, it's not, I was a bitch" Casey said

"You were not" Alex said, she couldn't be angry, or annoyed with Casey and she certainly didn't think she was a bitch.

"No, I was. I just needed to see you" Casey said, pulling from the blonde's embrace as she turned to leave

"Don't go, Case. Stay. It's late; it's gone 11 for god's sake. Just come to bed"

Casey nodded, unable to argue as Alex led her to the bedroom. She stripped into her underwear and climbed under the covers, nestling herself against her girlfriend.

"I love you" Alex said as she stroked the red heads hair. She was met with a grunt, which became a loud snore. She giggled as she realised Casey really was tired.

* * *

Casey opened her eyes, about half an hour later. Her whole body was sweating, and she could taste alcohol in her mouth as if the dream had been real. But she knew it hadn't, she knew it was just a dream. Turning over, she gave a small smile, seeing her girlfriend sleeping soundly.

"I love you" she whispered

She tried to go back to sleep but her mind kept wandering to the dream. She had been swimming in alcohol, drowning in it almost, swallowing it as she fought to stay above. It was intense, and every time she closed her eyes, her subconscious mind dragged her back under. Mumbling to herself, she shifting positions but she couldn't shake the remains of the dream. It lingered like an aftertaste and this one was driving her to the breaking point. She huffed as she sat up, and gingerly climbed out of bed.

Alex opened her eyes as she watched Casey stagger to the door, mumbling "Drink…I need a drink". These words hit the blonde who jumped from the bed. She grabbed Casey's shoulders, causing the red head to shriek and raise her hand, and the cower when she realised it was Alex "Alex, I'm sorry"

"Hey, it's okay. I shouldn't have jumped you like that" the blonde said, as she reached to steady the red head "Come back to bed"

"I…" Casey began, suddenly feeling stupid and really guilty for what she was about to do

"I know" Alex whispered "Come on"

Alex led Casey back to the bedroom. Once they were settled, Alex stroked Casey's cheek, wiping the tears that had slowly fallen "Tell me why?"

"I had a dream" Casey said quietly "Or a nightmare"

"What happened?" Alex prodded; she was concerned for the red head. Never seeing her this broken, since they had met.

"I was drowning in alcohol. When I woke, I could taste it" Casey explained, trying to understand it herself, but she just realised how stupid it sounded

"It's not stupid" Alex said, already being able t read her girlfriends mind.

"I just, it shook me. I just…" Casey sobbed, as she closed her eyes "I need to sleep"

"I'll hold you" Alex whispered, stroking Casey's hair. It hurt her to see her girlfriend in this much pain. She knew that it was hard on the red head, but was really proud of how much she had coped without drinking. Slip ups and relapses were a natural part of the healing and recovery process, they'd get there.

**Reviews would be welcome. Next Chapter...Casey goes in search of someone, but who? Alex has a phone conversation with someone, but who? **

**I would love your ideas on where they are going on Vacation. We already know they are going on a plane but where to? Thoughts and Ideas please.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A.N: Wow, thank you for all the reviews...and thanks to Blitz1030 and Surfrider for drawing my attention to the filter thing...I added Olivia originally, intending for it to take more chapters for Alex and Casey to get together but my impatient mind wouldn't wait. So here's another chapter, to say Thank you and because I like to update quickly once I've written a chapter, I can't have it buried on my laptop too long.**

**Glad this is being enjoyed, I am really enjoying writing it.**

**Tripperz: Just wait and see in future chapters with Abbie**

**Lexie: Yes! They are dependant on each other. It's not so obvious with Alex but she definitely needs Casey. **

**As for where they are going on vacation, all in good time, my friends.**

Chapter 16

Alex awoke first on Friday morning; she lay there looking at Casey. Just thinking about her girlfriend and how much she loved her. It was true; she really did love the red head. And during this vacation she intended to show her, and not just in the bedroom either. She had never wanted this relationship to be based on their sex life; it wasn't like that for her. As much as she had enjoyed making love to Casey, she loved her deeper than that, it ran through her.

Smiling, she snuggled closer to the red head who shifted slightly as she came out of her sleep. "Morning" she said, looking up at the blonde who was gazing at her adoringly

"Morning" Alex whispered, as she locked eyes with Casey before planting a sweet kiss on her lips

"What was that for?" Casey said smiling, she loved waking up with Alex and after the events late last night this relaxed atmosphere was just what she needed

"I love you" Alex said with such love that Casey felt her eyes well with tears

"I love you too" she choked out, turning her head so that Alex wouldn't see her crying

Alex wasn't stupid, she had heard the emotion in the red heads voice "Hey" she whispered, turning Casey to look at her "What's wrong sweetie?"

Casey smiled at the pet name; it was so unlike Alex but so like her at the same time. At work, in the courtroom, Alex was the ice princess, but she was so warm when they were together, Casey often forgot the other side to the blonde. "Nothing, I'm just so happy to be with you. It kind of feels so surreal. That you want to be with me"

Alex's heart broke at the admission, she knew that Casey was still struggling with her confidence, but she had hoped it would settle and that she could show the red head just how much she loved her.

"Casey, you are wonderful. Who wouldn't love you, want to be with you? You're cute, funny, kind, and romantic, you're beautiful and amazing and there is no one on this earth that I want to be with more than you, you are my kind of perfect. You really are all I need, all I want, all I am ever going to want. I don't want anything if I don't have you…baby, I love you"

Casey let all of her emotions pour from her eyes; she was hopeless to stop them. She loved Alex more than anything in the world, and was really trying to have more confidence, to really believe the blonde. She trusted her, beyond anything but she still found it hard to accept that Alex loved and trusted her.

They lay together, with Alex caressing the red head's cheek, and gently wiping each tear that fell as she held her girlfriend close. Every now and then she'd plant a kiss on Casey's cheek, and tell the red head that she loved her, causing Casey to start a fresh round of sobbing. Alex knew not to push Casey into talking, and that crying, sometimes really was needed.

* * *

After a short while, Casey had calmed enough to think clearly. She sat up, with the duvet around herself and smiled when she saw the worried look of her girlfriend. Alex relaxed a little when Casey smiled, planting a kiss on her cheek as she pulled herself up to sit beside her.  
"I guess we better get up" Casey said

Alex nodded "Have you packed?" she asked the red head

"Sort of" Casey said, causing Alex to raise an eyebrow

"You know I can't do vague Case" she said, which caused Casey to laugh

"I packed a little. Alex" she whined "Where are we going?"

"You'll find out soon enough"

"At least tell me which airport we are flying from?" Casey asked, she was desperately trying to get some sort of information from the blonde

"JFK" Alex told her "Now get up, dressed, and get home, packing"

"Okay, Okay" Casey laughed as she sauntered off into the bathroom

Alex smiled as she ran her hand through her hair watching her naked girlfriend make her way across the room. This Vacation was going to be amazing.

"How long are we going for?" Casey called out, ten minutes later causing Alex to chuckle. The red head was relentless when she had a bee in her bonnet about something.

"You'll be on a plane home before we've even got there" Alex called back, causing Casey to poke her head round the door

"You wouldn't"

"I would" Alex joked

"Uh uh" Casey said as she emerged from the bathroom, completely naked and very wet from her shower causing Alex to smile, as her eyes gazed over her girlfriend's body

"Don't think that little trick is going to work" Alex breathed out, trying to avert her gaze anywhere else

"It is though" Casey said as she stepped closer to the blonde who was almost salivating at the sight before her

"Not" Alex managed as Casey stopped right in front of her

"Is so, now how long are we going for?" Casey whispered huskily causing Alex to take a breath sharply, as she inhaled the scent of her own Lemon and Shea Butter body wash.

"You smell lovely" Alex breathed out, voicing her thoughts but trying to avoid the question

"Thanks, you smell this good every day. Now, stop stalling…how long?"

"How long what?" Alex swallowed

"Are we going for?"

"As long as you like" Alex's resolve crumbled as she reached out to touch Casey's bare skin

"Uh uh" the red head said as she turned and walked back to the bathroom

"Casey!" Alex groaned, she hated being left hanging when she wanted something so badly

"You better shower" Casey replied, as she grabbed her towel, and wrapped it around herself, before re –entering the bedroom

Alex groaned as she realised that Casey would in fact be leaving her hanging. She knew she'd have to take care of matters herself in the shower.

Within minutes Casey could hear the blonde in the throes of her orgasm, and she covered her face, shaking her head as she dressed in a pair of the blonde's jeans and a cashmere sweater. She loved wearing Alex's close, and partly because they were much more expensive than her own. She would never own anything cashmere unless it was brought for her, but something about wearing Alex's sweater made her feel different.

Sitting here, she could barely believe that her teasing had left Alex so close to the edge. Smiling, with happiness and satisfaction, she continued to dress, her own desires causing her slight discomfort.

Alex looked pissed when she exited the bathroom, but laughed when she saw Casey with her hand down the jeans she was wearing, pleasuring herself "Casey" she said, causing the red head to jump and blush

"Alex" she said, groaning, partly because she had been caught and partly because she had been caught before she finished.

"Didn't mean to disturb you, but it's nearly 10am. You better go and pack, we got to be at the airport at 6 just to be safe" Alex explained as Casey composed herself

"Right" Casey said, slightly flustered

"Relax Casey. You're allowed to pleasure yourself, it doesn't bother me, and in fact I find it sexy" Alex said, as she took the red heads hand, trying to calm her girlfriends worry

"You did" Casey managed, shaking her head trying to will away the tears. She couldn't work out why she was so emotional lately

"Hey" Alex whispered, pulling the red head close for a hug "its okay. It's natural"

"I know. I just, don't get why I'm so emotional right now"

"You're finding out new things, having new experiences, and maybe it's just taking its toll. Relax"

Casey nodded "Sorry"

"Never apologise for your emotions Case. Listen to me; I love you, all of you"

Casey smiled "I'm sorry I left you hanging"

"Me too" Alex whispered

Casey shrugged as she pulled away, but stopped when Alex placed a hand on her shoulder "Because you got upset"

"How long are we going for?" Casey asked, for the fourth time, causing Alex to groan as she playfully slapped the red heads backside

"10 days" Alex smiled "I phoned Liz afterwards and told her what I had already planned"

Casey responded with a lingering kiss on the blonde's lips, causing Alex to moan. Casey smirked as she pulled away "I got to go pack" she whispered.

* * *

Alex was sitting on the couch, watching a rerun of friends, while she waiting for Casey to return. They had decided to take a taxi service as Alex wasn't keen on leaving her car at the airport. In fact, she wasn't keen on leaving it in the garage while they were away but she knew the foreman and garage serviceman well enough to know they'd keep it safe.

Just then she heard the sound of ringing, realising that Casey must have left her phone as she spotted the light flashing on the fireplace. Hesitantly she answered it, noting the caller id was withheld "Hello, Casey Novak's cell"

"Oh hey. Can I talk to Casey please?" a quirky and upbeat voice came over the receiver

"She's not here right now, can I take a message" Alex asked, wondering who this woman she was talking to was

"It's okay. Sorry, who are you?"

Alex laughed at the bluntness of the other woman "I'm Alex"

"Oh, Casey's girlfriend"

Alex could tell the other woman was smiling as she spoke

"Yeah, um, sorry, who are you?"

The other woman laughed "I'm Caroline"

"You're her sister?" Alex said, a little shocked as she hadn't been laid into yet

"Yeah, listen. I know my Mother doesn't approve but it doesn't worry me, or make me feel sick or anything. I'm happy if my little sis is happy. She is, right?"

"Listen, I'll get her to call you. We're taking a vacation for a bit, but I'll try and get her to call before we leave"

"Where are you going?"

"You can't tell Casey if she calls later, it's a surprise. I don't want her knowing"

Alex explained her plans to Caroline, and was pleased when she wished them both well and hoped to be able meet her one day. Alex wanted to ask about Casey's other sister, but thought not to prod into it.

* * *

Meanwhile, Casey was sitting in a booth in the deli, with her suitcase by her side as she waiting for her company

"Hi" she heard as she turned

"Hey" Casey said as she stood and extended her hand as the brunette shook it politely "Casey"

"Abbie" the brunette replied as she took a seat "I'm glad I finally get to meet the woman that captured Alex Cabot's heart"

"You had her first" Casey said, her insecurities showing a little. She had phoned Abbie early that morning and was a little unsure if she would show. Feeling annoyed that she had left her cell at Alex's, Casey had sat patiently waiting, hoping that Abbie hadn't called to cancel. She wasn't sure how she would explain to Alex if she had answered the call.

"I never really had her Casey. We weren't meant to be. I hurt her, I was selfish, and maybe it was God's way of telling us, we weren't right for one another. You are right for her though, I can see how much she loves you"

"You told Liz I had a problem"

"No. I told her I was concerned, because I was. No matter what you think, I'm not trying to break you guys up. At first, I hoped me and Alex could start again, but I quickly realised she only had eyes for you. Plus, I was told to stay away by Olivia"

"You were?"

"Yes. Look. You and Alex are great together. I won't ruin that. She loves you, and I see now, she never really loved me, we just thought it was love. I care about her deeply, but I don't know, if it was love either"

"You don't?" Casey asked raising a brow as she took a sip of the wine that Abbie had brought. She didn't want to turn it down, but felt guilty as she sipped it slowly.

"It was more lust than love. We had a connection, but it was purely sexual" Abbie explained

Casey drained the glass before she heard "Casey!"

Turning around she was met with the dark eyes of Olivia Benson

"Liv, I…" she began placing the glass on the table

Abbie raised her eyebrows "We were just talking Olivia"

"And you let her drink?" Olivia said glaring at Abbie before softening "Sorry, you didn't know"

"Know what?" Abbie asked

"She's an alcoholic" Olivia explained

Abbie opened her mouth in shock although could see how this explained a lot of things "I didn't know. Oh my gosh, I would never have brought her it, if I knew"

"Did she ask for it?" Olivia questioned, angry and worried at the same time

Abbie shook her head "No, I just assumed"

"I am still here!" Casey exclaimed "Jesus Liv, it was one. I didn't want to sound rude"

"You wouldn't have" Abbie said quietly, feeling for the red head

"I wouldn't have let myself get drunk Olivia" Casey tried to justify her actions but could see she was failing "Don't tell Alex, please. About any of it, meeting Abbie, the drink, none of it"

Olivia and Abbie exchanged glances; neither of them wanting to lie to the blonde who they knew would be pissed either way. But they nodded in Casey's direction as the red head left, wheeling her suitcase behind her.

**Uh oh! Will Olivia tell Alex? **

**As for where they are going on vacation. You won't know until Casey knows, and heck, even I don't know yet. I had a few ideas but I'm not sure whether it should be a tropical island (ie: somewhere warm) or something overly romantic like Paris, I am thinking Paris in Winter would be really cool to write but then again, maybe somewhere hot would be good too, having them lie around in little bikini's, well Alex would, I don't think Casey is confident enough for that, not with the scars and all. I don't know, you're ideas would be welcome.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A.N: Thank you for the lovely and helpful reviews on the last chapter. I apologise for this chapter being very short but it is very much a filler chapter, and a means to an end in ways before they arrive at their destination.**

Chapter 17

"Casey?" Alex asked for what must have been the third time in not as many minutes. When she received no answer, she sighed and took the red head's hand in her own, before squeezing it "Casey!" she exclaimed, trying to get her girlfriends attention

"Damn it Casey! Where are you?" she said, loudly into her girlfriends' ear, causing the red head to jump a mile and then turn and frown at the blonde

"What?"

"Casey, you've been staring out of that window for over 5 minutes, and you haven't listened to a word I've been saying, what's up?"

Casey blinked and shook her head "Nothing" she said almost inaudibly

"That's bull, and we both know it" Alex sighed. Ever since the red head had arrived at her apartment earlier that afternoon, she had been quiet and distant and even once they had arrived at JFK International, she had been withdrawn. Alex had hoped Casey would be excited about this vacation, but all she had gotten were the obvious fake smiles.

Just as she was about to ask Casey again, her cell rang, sighing she glanced at the caller ID and frowned, why would Olivia be calling her now?

"Liv" she answered, causing Casey's head to snap up "Yeah, she's here. Why?"

"I need to talk to her and she hasn't answered her cell"

"We didn't hear it, but the way she'd been acting, heck, I don't think she would have heard anything" Alex said, causing Casey to scowl at her. Alex handed the phone to the red head, before picking up and magazine on the table beside her.

Casey moved away from Alex, so she could talk to Olivia without the blonde overhearing

"What do you want Olivia?"

"You to tell Alex"

"No, I can't" Casey said quickly, taking a look at the blonde who seemed oblivious to the conversation

"She needs to know"

"No she doesn't. None of it"

"I'll tell her then" Olivia said, with a hint of annoyance, she hated to blackmail her friend, but she was betraying the other by keeping this secret. Sometimes, she hated that she was friends with both women, especially as they were both as stubborn as hell.

"No Olivia. Please I'm begging you" Casey said, raising her voice a little, she didn't notice the blonde watching her carefully

"You need to tell her"

"Okay" Casey sighed

"No, I don't believe you"

"I will, I swear" Casey tried to sound convincing

"You're lying Case. Alex needs to know, and you need to tell her"

"I don't have to tell her anything"

"Yes, you do. Listen Case, I don't want to break your trust and tell her, but she's my friend too. I can't keep this from her and I shouldn't have to. She's your girlfriend, she loves you. She knows you're going to struggle and have setbacks and relapses, it's natural. She might be angry at first, but you need to suck it up and tell her, before it ruins you, and her. Now, hand me back to Alex" Olivia told the red head without argument

"I'll tell her. I'll get her to call you later" Casey said, as she ended the call. She gave Alex a wide smile and handed her the phone.

"Everything okay?" she asked

"Yep, peachy" Casey replied.

Alex shook her head "Liar" she whispered under her breath, but Casey heard

"What did you say?"

"I said, you were a liar"

"I'm not" Casey bit back walking away and standing at the window. She didn't notice a tear escape her eye, nor she did she attempt to push it away

"Casey?" Alex whispered, placing a hand on the red head's back "Talk to me"

"I can't" Casey almost whispered

"We're going on vacation, Casey. If you're not happy, we can turn around a go back"

Casey looked at Alex with wide eyes "No, I want to go"

"Then talk to me" Alex said folding her arms. She'd wait, forever if she needed to.

"Ask Olivia"

"No, I'm asking you" Alex said "What was that call about?"

"I can't" Casey said again, shaking her head. Her breathing was getting heavier and Alex could tell she was on the verge of a panic attack

"Okay" Alex said, placing a hand on Casey's shoulder and rubbing gently "Just breathe through it"

"I…you…just…you'll…" she gasped as tears slid along her cheeks

"I'll what?" Alex urged, still rubbing Casey's shoulder gently. She was concerned about what had worked the red head up so much.

"Hate me" Casey almost whispered, causing Alex's heart to break. She had an idea on what Casey was talking about.

"Hey. I'll never hate you. Did you drink?"

"I…" Casey began but stopped before nodding "Sorry"

Alex embraced the red head in a hug, kissing her cheek "its okay"

"No, it's not Alex. I didn't want you to know, but Olivia told me I had to tell you or she would"

"Okay. Wait?!" Alex raised an eyebrow in confusion "How does Olivia know?"

"She saw me" Casey said honestly "I was with Abbie"

"Abbie!" Alex exclaimed, in shock and annoyance "I told you not to meet with her. What did she do to you?"

"Nothing Alex. I just wanted to talk"

"You wanted to talk? I told you it was a bad idea, did she get you drunk?" Alex was almost shouting, and people in the terminal were looking in their direction

"Shh Alex, people are staring. No, I had one"

"I don't fucking care" Alex cried, she wouldn't naturally swear, but it wasn't every day she was just told that her girlfriend had met with her ex behind her back

"Alex" Casey began to sob "I only had one drink. I didn't want to sound rude when she brought it for me. I would have declined any more, I promise"

Alex softened when she saw the genuine regret and emotion in her girlfriends' voice. Granted, she was still a little angry that Casey had gone behind her back. She would have tried to accommodate if she knew Casey was this set on meeting Abbie, even if she wasn't happy about it. She pulled Casey in for a hug, as her own tears slid down her face "I'm sorry for shouting"

"I know" Casey said as she pulled away "I'm sorry for not telling you"

"It isn't just that Case; it's the fact that you felt you need to go behind my back to meet her"

"I just, I knew you wouldn't be happy"

"You weren't going to tell me though were you, until Olivia forced you to" Alex said, she had always disliked being lied to, although most people did, to her, it reminded her of her childhood and early adult life.

"No" Casey admitted "Probably not"

"But you feel guilty, don't you? That's why you've been so quiet" Alex observed

"Yeah, Al, I really am sorry. Will you forgive me?" Casey asked quietly

"Oh baby, I have already. Please, don't lie to me again, I can't deal with that"

"You've been lied to a lot, huh?" Casey questioned, as she quietly read between the lines

"Yeah"

"You want to talk about it?" Casey asked, reaching for the blonde's hand, who had gone rather quiet

Alex shook her head and gave Casey a smile, before kissing her gently on the lips "I'm good"

"I'm really sorry, Alex"

"What did you and Abbie talk about?" Alex questioned, a little intrigued but still concerned that the brunette had been nasty

"You, mainly. She just reassured me that she doesn't want to come between us. She says she doesn't know if she loved you either or if it was lust"

"That's bull" Alex answered. She didn't believe it, not for one minute. Abbie wasn't one to let things drop that easily, even though she had seemed genuine the last time they had spoken

"_Flight 375 to San Juan, departing at 17:00, this is your first call" _Both women heard over the airport telecom

"That's us baby" Alex grinned, as Casey's eyes grew wide

"Puerto Rico?" Casey squeaked out

"We got to change flights there" Alex explained with a smile, as she pulled the red head over to the departure gate

"So where are we going?" Casey asked

"British Virgin Islands" Alex grinned "Virgin Gorda to be precise"

"Oh my god" Casey breathed out, as tears formed in her eyes "Thank you"

Casey leant in for a kiss, and deepened it before Alex even comprehended what was happening. Casey drew back breathing hard as Alex attempted to stand straight. The force and passion in the kiss had made her a little woozy. Casey giggled, as she pulled Alex through the barrier, flashing their passports at the guard who smiled. "Have a lovely flight, ladies"

"Thanks" Alex said to the guard, as she smiled at how happy Casey now seemed. She had become used to Casey's mood changes, although it still worried her relentlessly.

**Again, sorry for it being so short. I wanted to move quickly on from the matter of the drink and Casey meeting Abbie, but it will be brought into view again in a few chapters time, I would predict. I didn't want them to go away with it lingering in the air because I know Casey wouldn't be able to relax feeling guilty. Also, I ended the chapter where I did because next chapter they will be in Virgin Gorda, and I wanted it to be fresh.**

**Please review this chapter though. I promise this isn't the end of the matter concerning Abbie and Casey's meet.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A.N: Another chapter for you. I just had to write day one of the vacation so here it is. I won't be posting every single day, but just fragments of their vacation because Ten days will last for a long time without any time skipping. For example, I've written day one and I will wrote day 2, but days 3 and 4 will be just paragraphs about what they did. (You get the idea)**

Chapter 18

Alex looked over at her sleeping girlfriend and smiled. It was early on Saturday morning, they had been at the resort since around 2am, and it was now, just approaching 6am.

Alex had woken constantly since falling asleep around 2.30, and had now given up trying. She was excited, and couldn't wait to start their vacation.

Deciding that Casey needed to sleep, she headed into the kitchen to make herself a coffee, before dialling Olivia, she knew the detective would be awake, even if she hadn't been called in early

"Benson" came the mandatory greeting

"Hey Olivia, its Alex"

"Hey you, why aren't you sleeping?"

"I couldn't, I'm too excited" Alex explained with a grin

"I'm glad you're happy Al. I bet it's lovely over there"

"It is, it might be early, but gosh is it warm already" Alex said as she gazed out over the water

"How's Casey?"

"She's sleeping. Listen Olivia, she told me about what happened yesterday"

"I didn't think she was going to"

"I think you're call gave her the push although she was really quiet all afternoon. I knew something was wrong"

"She felt guilty Alex"

"I know. I'm not mad at her Liv. I wasn't impressed that she went behind my back to meet Abbie, but I know why she did it. I don't understand it, but I know she needed to" Alex sighed, running a hand through her hair

"I didn't want to keep it from you, but at the same time, she's my friend too"

"She asked you to" Alex concluded

"Yeah, she's okay though right? Abbie didn't upset her or anything?"

"I don't think so. But Olivia, I don't trust her. She's not made things easy and no matter how much she says she isn't trying to break us up, I don't want her to cause Casey any grief"

"You think she will?"

"I think she might try and rub things in. Look, Abbie and I happened, and it's in the past. I don't think I ever really loved her, not like I do Casey anyway. She's my soul mate Olivia, and I'll do anything to protect her" Alex said sincerely

"I know Alex. Listen, I've got to go, I'm at the precinct...I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Yeah, take care Olivia" Alex smiled

"And you. Tell Case I said Hey, and have fun!"

"We will" Alex grinned as she hung up.

* * *

At 9.15am, Casey began to stir from her sleep, opening one eye; she smiles as she sees Alex standing by the window "Hey" she murmurs, causing Alex to turn and grin, as she rushes over and places a loving kiss on the red heads lips

"Morning"

"Someone's eager this morning" Casey chuckles, although she's not complaining

"You sleep well?" Alex asked, snuggling beside the red head

"Very. I haven't slept that peacefully in a long time"

"I'm glad" Alex says sincerely, placing another kiss on the red head's lips

"How long have you been awake?"

"3 hours give or take" Alex says, yawning as she does so

Casey glances at the clock and chuckles "You couldn't sleep"

"Too excited" Alex grins "Which reminds me, get up"

Casey laughs as she sits up, and stretches "What do you have planned today?"

"I want to have a picnic on the beach" Alex says grinning

"Aww" Casey says mockingly causing Alex to glare at her

"I want to have a romantic picnic on the beach with my beautiful girlfriend, I want to swim in the ocean, and lie on the sand, and relax" Alex explains, as she kisses Casey on the forehead "Now, go and shower. I've had mine, so don't ask me to join you"

"You can never be too clean" Casey tries

"Maybe later" Alex says nudging her playfully "You might just get lucky"

Casey blushes as she feels her body tingle at Alex's teasing tone and words "I'll hold you to that"

Alex laughs and pushes Casey towards the bathroom. She'd love nothing more than to ravish her girlfriend in the bedroom but she booked this holiday, and intends to see the sights as much as she can.

* * *

Just over an hour later, Alex and Casey were sitting on a towel on the beach, it was quiet and there were only a couple of other people that they had passed to find this spot.

They had already eaten a few sandwiches that Alex had made and some fruit that she had cut up. Alex was still aware of Casey's problems with eating big meals, or high calorie foods, so had tried to make the picnic as light and as healthy as she could. Although she had packed some biscuits and fairy cakes, and would try and tempt the red head.

"I've got some cakes Case, if you fancy one" Alex said casually as she popped a grape into her mouth

"I'm good thanks" Casey smiled; she knew what Alex was trying to do. She felt she had improved, but wasn't sure that Alex would see it that way. She refused to eat chocolate, and potato chips, as well as any greased food and she had even stopped drinking coffee as well. Alex had also noticed that Casey had been exercising more since they had spoken about a vacation.

"If you're sure" Alex relented as she lifted her t-shirt over her head to reveal her bikini clad breasts. She had chosen a black and white polka dot bikini this morning, over the leopard print one.

Casey breathed in heavily as she looked at her beautiful girlfriend "Your gorgeous" she said, with a slight hint of jealousy

Alex picked up on it immediately "So are you" she said, taking Casey's hand with her own

"You're amazing" Casey whispered, running a hand across the blonde's toned abs

"As are you" Alex said, as she caressed Casey's cheek "You wearing a bikini?"

Casey nodded, and then turned her head away "I…"

"There's no one else here Casey, plus, you're beautiful" Alex said, as she lifted Casey's t-shirt slightly, but the red head halted her movements

"I can't" she whispered, looking around. It was an irrational fear she knew, because they really were the only two people on the beach and she knew this well.

"I want to swim" Alex said as she shimmied out of her shorts, and folded them neatly on top of her t-shirt

"Then swim, I'll watch" Casey murmured

"No, you won't. Come on, take off your shorts Case, you can keep the t-shirt on if you really have to, but you are really beautiful"

Casey nodded as she removed her shorts, revealing lime green bikini shorts "There's no one here right?"

"Not a soul but you and me. Come on" Alex said, pulling Casey by the hand as she ran along the sand.

Casey laughed as she felt the water hit her toes, it wasn't cold but the sensation made her ticklish "It tickles" she said jumping back as a small wave floated to her ankles

Alex grinned as she ducked under the water "Come on"

Casey took the plunge as she allowed herself to be engulfed by a wave, knocking her off balance. She heard Alex laughing and then felt the blonde pick her up "Put me down Alex" she laughed along with the blonde

"Nope" Alex said as she attempted to run with Casey in her arms, but she fell and they were submerged under the water.

Alex was the first to appear, laughing as she searched for Casey who appeared seconds later, gasping and coughing "I forgot that I can't swim" she spluttered, pushing her wet hair away from her eyes

Alex frowned as she noticed Casey gasping for breath "You okay?" she asked, taking the red head in her arms, and leading her from the water

"I will be" Casey said, as she coughed, before sinking into the sand

"I'm sorry" Alex apologised, feeling awful for causing the red head distress

"It's okay. You didn't know" Casey said, as she managed to stop herself from coughing "I just need to rest"

Alex led her back to the towel, and wrapped another around the now shivering red head "You need anything?"

"Water" Casey said as she lay back before sitting up again coughing

Alex handed her a bottle, and rubbed Casey's back as she took a couple of mouthfuls of water. "Okay?"

Casey nodded "You go enjoy yourself. I'll watch"

Alex looked questionably at her girlfriend, "You better get out of that t-shirt before you get sick Case" she said, as she held out her own "Wear mine"

Casey nodded and then waved her hand at the blonde "Go, swim"

Alex reluctantly returned to the water as Casey nervously changed t-shirts, glancing around every few seconds to make sure no one was watching, before she cursed herself _'Get a grip in yourself Casey, there isn't anyone here'_

Casey had fallen asleep when Alex returned 20 minutes later. Once she had dried off, she sat beside the red head and picked a book from her bag, before beginning to read.

* * *

"Hey, wake up" Alex whispered, stroking Casey's cheek "It's nearly 5pm, I'm getting hungry"

"Mmm" Casey murmured as she stirred, before opening her eyes, and squinting as the sun blinding her

"It's nearly 5" Alex repeated, causing Casey to rub her eyes and sit up

"Why didn't you wake me earlier?" she asked, realising Alex had packed up the picnic basket, and had wrapped a towel around her shoulders

"You looked peaceful. You've been so tired lately, I thought I'd let you rest"

"Thanks" Casey murmured, as she stood "What you want to do for dinner?"

"You want to go out?" Alex asked

Casey gave a small smile and nodded before answering "Yeah, why not?"

Alex noticed the hesitance in the answer as well as the timid smile that told her that Casey really didn't want to go out, but would "You sure?"

Casey nodded "Yes, come on. Let's head back"

They walked together hand in hand back to the resort, and once inside their room, Casey took no time in changing into something less revealing. Alex vowed to approach the subject of how beautiful Casey really was again, and hoped by the end of the vacation, she'd be more confident to show off her body.

"You ready?" Casey asked emerging from the bathroom

"Let's stay in" Alex said quietly, she knew that Casey wasn't really wanting to go out, and they could easily cook something light in the apartment, or head down to the restaurant

"You wanted to go out" Casey said, she knew what Alex was trying to do but she hated to ruin the blonde's plans, and had told herself that she needed to suck it up, and relax.

"I want to do whatever you are comfortable with" Alex explained, pulling the red head to sit with her on the bed

"I want to go out" Casey said with as much conviction as she could muster but Alex wasn't stupid

"You want to go down to the restaurant?" she asked, taking Casey's hand "Be honest, what do you want to do?"

"I don't want to go out, out. The restaurant sounds nice"

Alex smiled "That's great. Come on"

Casey took Alex's hand as they headed downstairs to the restaurant area. They both smiled as the waitress led them to a secluded table and Alex silently thanked her, feeling Casey relax as she sat down.

"Can I get you ladies anything to drink?"

"A white wine" Casey replied automatically

"Lemonade" Alex said quietly, looking quizzically at the red head who was playing with a strand of hair

The waitress returned, with the drinks almost immediately and placed them down in their respective places. Alex silently swapped her lemonade for the wine, causing Casey's head to snap up as she turned a deep red, and muttered under her breath "Idiot"

"No, you're not" Alex said, taking Casey's hand, stilling it from its assault on her hair "It was an automatic response, don't worry about it, babe"

"But I would have drunk it Alex"

"No, you wouldn't because I wouldn't have let you. You wouldn't because you know you don't need it. Relax honey"

Casey nodded, still feeling a little guilty and stupid. She scanned the menu and decided on the Chicken Salad, while she watched Alex take a sip of her wine. "Alex"

"Mmm" The blonde replied looking at Casey, before glancing at the glass where the red heads eyes were resting "Sorry. I'll ask for lemonade"

Alex motioned to the waitress and asked her to take the wine and ordered lemonade. The waitress looked confused but didn't question her actions, for which Alex was grateful. She ordered herself the ham and cheese jacket potato, and the salad in which Casey had pointed out. She had noticed the red heads hesitancy to order for herself and made a mental note to approach the subject when they got back home.

They talked quietly as they ate. Alex intrigued to know more about Casey's sisters, especially after the short conversation with Caroline over the phone. She had also noticed that Casey hadn't returned the call; in fact, she hadn't really acknowledged that she had called, but realised that she was probably more caught up in her guilt from meeting Abbie and having the drink.

It wasn't until they had finished their meals and returned to the room, that Alex noticed Casey hadn't been wearing her necklace…

"Case, where's your necklace?" she asked as she sat down on the bar stool with a coffee

"In its box" she whispered, turning her head away

"Why?" Alex asked, raising a brow as she took a sip of coffee

"Because I didn't think I deserved it"

"Oh babe, go and put it on. Don't be silly, of course you deserve it"

"I lied to you"

"No, you withheld information, and that doesn't matter now, okay. What matters is that I love you, and I brought it for you, because I want you to wear it always, and remember how much you mean to me, baby"

Casey smiled as she went to retrieve the necklace, placing it around her neck.

She sat on the couch and waited for the blonde to join her. They sat in each other's embrace, with Alex stroking the red head's hair "This is nice"

"Yeah, it is" Casey agreed sighing in contentment

"I want to sit like this every evening, even when we get home"

"I'd like that" Casey smiled

"Move in with me" Alex said, as she turned to look at the red head

"What?" Casey looked up into Alex's eyes "You sure?"

"Positive Case. I want to go to sleep in your arms and wake up in them too. I want to make you breakfast in bed, and come home with you, watching TV and snuggling like this. I want to be with you, wherever you are. You're home is my home"

Casey kissed Alex gently "Yes" she whispered, as she began to kiss her way down Alex's neck, causing the blonde to breathe heavily

"I love you" Alex breathed out

"And I love you" Casey whispered huskily before capturing the blonde's lips

"Bedroom" Alex gasped as she felt Casey's hands under her shirt, tugging it from her pants.

Casey lifted herself from the blonde, and led her into the bedroom. She smiled to herself as she did so, maybe this vacation would be just what she needed.

**Reviews welcome. What else would you like them to do? If you have any ideas on anything or things you'd like them to discuss, feel free to let me know. You're input is greatly appreciated my lovelies **


	19. Chapter 19

**A.N: Thanks again to all the reviewers. I am grateful for all your support and I love reading your reviews.**

Chapter 19

The sun flickered in through the window early on Sunday Morning, as Casey opened her eyes to an empty bed, and sighed as she looked at the clock. It read 8.35am, and she concluded it was way too early to be awake on a Sunday.

"Morning sleepy bones" Alex grinned as she entered the bedroom, fully clothed

"It's barely morning Alex" Casey groaned, causing the blonde head to chuckle and lean in to kiss her girlfriend. Alex had discovered that Casey was not a morning person, but in her eyes, most of the morning had disappeared by this time

"It's nearly 9am Case, I was hoping we could have a whole day of exploring" Alex said chirpily, sitting on the edge of the bed

"We've got days to explore Alex, and I'm tired. I haven't slept this calmly in ages and now you're trying to disturb me" Casey said huffing as she sat up.

Alex's face dropped, she had hoped after last night the red head would be cheerier and not so grumpy, but while she had gotten used to Casey's mood swings, she hadn't gotten used to when they would occur just yet. "Sorry" she bit out, a little angry which caused Casey to bite her lip and sigh

"I'm sorry Alex. I don't know why I'm such a bitch lately". The red head felt awful and Alex could tell that she was generally sorry, but it still hurt a little.

"It's ok" she said quietly, as she stood "I'll leave you for a bit"

Casey clambered out of the bed, taking the blonde's hand in her own "No, I'm sorry. What are we doing today?"

Alex gave a small smile, and pulled Casey in for a hug "I was thinking we could take a boat ride round the island"

"A boat!" Casey screeched shaking her head "What kind of boat?"

"A speedboat, maybe" Alex said chuckling at Casey's sudden high pitched voice

Casey shook her head frantically "Oh no, Alex. I told you, I can't swim, what if I fall in?"

"You'll be wearing a life jacket" Alex tried to reassure the red head but Casey was having none of it as she pulled away from Alex

"I'm sorry Alex, but I can't get on a speedboat, I just can't" Casey panicked, she was generally petrified at the thought

Alex sensed Casey's concern but sighed, she had hoped that they'd have a good vacation but they were starting out the second day in the same manner as previously, with Casey's concerns and insecurities. She loved the red head and knew that it wasn't going to be easy but she was getting slightly irate by the red head "Casey, grow a pair. It's a boat…you won't fall in. I won't let you. I won't be driving it, gosh no, that would be a disaster"

Casey was taken aback by the blonde's harsh tone, and bit her lip in an attempt to stop herself from crying, but a tear still escaped the corner of her eye "Okay" she murmured "I'm going to take a shower"

Alex ran her hand through her hair, feeling awful at making Casey cry. She hadn't anticipated it being this hard and was at a loss on what to do.

She sat down at her laptop and began trailing the sites she had previously found for something else, to do.

20 minutes later the red head had showered and dressed and was eating a buttered croissant while Alex had packed a bag with a few snacks. Casey had been awfully quiet after her shower and had only taken a couple of nibbles of the croissant, Alex watched as she set it on the plate and took a mouthful of orange juice before sighing and leaning back in her chair "Alex?"

"Mmm?" Alex mumbled as she continued to pack the bag while glancing at her girlfriend

"I'm sorry"

"Me too" Alex said as she walked towards the red head, before opening her arms "Come here"

Casey stood from her chair and embraced Alex "I'm really trying Alex, I don't get it half the time. I just feel so down and I get irritated and snarky for no reason. I am trying, and I'm really sorry"

"I should have thought about what we were going to do, or talked to you. I just want you to have a good time"

"I am. I just can't swim. When I was 12, I nearly drowned in a pool, and I'm just a bit wary. Sometimes I forget like yesterday, but it scares me Alex and I know that's childish"

"No, it's not. We are allowed fears"

"I bet you're not scared of anything" Casey whispers

"Oh don't be silly Casey, of course I am. I don't like snakes at all, they creep me out and I hate crowded places…like overly crowded, so don't think you can't have any. I'm not perfect Case"

"You are to me"

Alex smiled "As are you to me. Come on, I've been looking at places we could visit. I've seen a great little place we could go, and relax"

Casey looked at the laptop screen where Alex had open a page, it described the ruins of a copper mine that overlooked the sea "This looks really interesting" Casey smiled

"It does, and I was thinking, if you'd like, we could take some snacks that I've got packed and just look at the sea and talk. It seems quite secluded, and I thought it seemed a nice place to relax"

"It does" Casey smiled "I'd like to try speed boating one day Alex, hold me to that"

Alex gave Casey a light kiss on the lips, and nodded "Shall we go?"

Casey took Alex's hand "I love you"

"Love you too baby" Alex said, lightly squeezing the red head's hand "More than you know"

Alex had hired a car from the local service, and they were driving down a small road, with the music playing lightly. Casey was relaxed, bobbing her head up and down to the music as Alex smiled at her girlfriend. This side of Casey was so refreshing, and Alex could just see the pair of them in a few years time, being deliriously happy. She only hoped that once they were home, Casey could relax like this every now and then.

"What are you smiling at, Cabot?" Casey grinned at the blonde

"You and how relaxed you are. I love it like this Casey, and I love you more than words can say, you're amazing baby"

Casey smiled as her heart melted, every time Alex paid her a compliment, or told her she was amazing and that she loved her, she felt herself go weak at the knees. There was something about having Alex tell her that made her believe it, even if just for a little while "Thanks"

"I mean it Case" Alex said taking the red head's hand

"I know, trust me I know" Casey said, lacing their fingers together as Alex continued to drive.

Pulling up at Copper Mine Point, Alex breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of the sea air as she watched Casey explore the ruins with her eyes "It's beautiful isn't it?"

"Yes" Casey breathed "I know there's history behind it, so that makes it all that more beautiful"

Casey loved architecture, and design and ruins and mines were something she had always liked to read about, so she felt this was the perfect place to come and relax. She wasn't nervous about talking to Alex, she wanted to share so much and was happy to be in a place this calm to do so.

Resting on a rock, Alex offered Casey an apple, and the red head gratefully accepted the fruit.

"I remember going to Italy when I was 13" Alex began "And going to all the ruins in Sicily. I loved going to The Valley of the Temples, it was February and the trees, were covered in pink blossom, it was so beautiful"

"I've never been" Casey admitted

"I'd love to take you one day. It's the most beautiful place, is Italy"

"Have you been to other places then, in Italy, besides Sicily?" Casey asked

"Yeah, I've been to Rome and Tuscany"

"That's why you love Pasta so much" Casey grinned

"It is actually, they have some amazing restaurants"

"I haven't been anywhere like that. This is the first time I've ever been out of the US"

"Really?" Alex asked, a little shocked

Casey nodded "I'm not saying we never had Vacations, because we did and they were lovely, but they were always in the US"

"Well, I'll change that. Not that there is anything wrong with not being out of the country. With 50 States there are so many places to go"

"I know. Being born in South Carolina, we went to Georgia a few times and New York obviously"

"I bet Georgia was lovely" Alex stated

"We spent many Vacations in Savannah, but Atlanta was great as well" Casey explained, smiling as she remembered the times she and her sisters would play around in the sand, and water before her accident.

"Where would you really like to go, Case…if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?" Alex asked

"Paris" Casey replied in a heartbeat "The city of love"

Alex just grinned, as she looked out over the water "Me too"

They chatted some more about different vacations they had taken. Casey was amazed about how much of the world Alex had seen, but she knew the blonde came from old money so was not entirely surprised.

"Can I take you to dinner?" Casey asked as they sat quietly watching the sea

Alex was slightly taken aback by the question and it took her a few seconds to comprehend what Casey had asked and realise she should give an answer "Of course"

"I thought I'd almost given you a heart attack" Casey grinned as she nudged Alex gently

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting that, but yes, of course you can. I'd love to have dinner with you"

"Good. Now where are we going tonight?"

"Um" Alex raised a brow, thoroughly confused "I thought YOU were taking ME to dinner?"

"When we get home" Casey smiled "I have no idea where to go here, and I just…I wanted something to work towards for when we got back"

Alex nodded, sensing the nervousness in the red heads voice as she spoke "You feel like going out, somewhere?"

"Yeah, why not" Casey gave a wide smile, she was feeling a lot better than she had done in a while and was ready to enjoy the Vacation without having to worry.

**I know it's a little shorter than usual, it's just been a very busy day at work but I wanted to get something up today. Leave a review, please. **

**I promise the next chapter will be a lot better quality, and there'll be some romantic times and lots of love :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**A.N: Unplanned chapter, had to post it once it was written. Hopefully makes up for Chapter 19. Hope you enjoy this one...**

Chapter 20

"What are you doing?" Alex asked the red head who was twisting her body into some shapes, that made Alex cringe. Whatever Casey was doing looked painful and part of Alex was a little concerned that the red head was losing her mind.

It was now Wednesday Morning, and they had had a few relaxing days since spending the day at Copper Mine. On Monday, Alex had taken Casey to the baths, and they had spent hours frolicking in the shallow waters. Alex had wanted to get Casey used to the water, before attempting to go back to the beach or to try speed boating, Casey had at first been sceptical but Alex had made a deal with the red head. They would go and look at the baths, and if Casey really wasn't keen, they would head back to the hotel and find something else to do.

But as it turned out, Casey had relaxed relatively well and when she had seen that the water wouldn't come past her knees, she had relented and they had actually had a really great time. Casey had laughed more than she had done in a long time, and in turn Alex had really enjoyed herself. Casey had also removed the t-shirt she had been wearing, although this time, choosing to wear a swimsuit that covered her stomach.

Tuesday had consisted of going on a hike, something that Casey was really adamant she wanted to do. It was only fair that she made decisions, and Alex had begrudgingly agreed. Having to borrow a pair of Casey's walking shoes, as she had only brought one pair of flats, choosing her heels and flip flops over sensible shoes as Casey called them.

Now as Alex stood watching Casey, the red head looked up and replied "Stretching" as if Alex was meant to know that

"It looks painful" Alex grimaced as she heard Casey bones crack

"It isn't really. After that walk yesterday, I'm feeling a bit out of shape so I'm going to go for a run" Casey explained "You can join me if you like?"

"In my heels, yeah sounds like fun" Alex chuckled, causing Casey to laugh out loud

"Well, I offered"

"Why do you need to run anyway Casey?" Alex asked, she had never really understand the need to go for a run, she was not a sporty creature, and she certainly didn't do running, although she had concluded that maybe that was why she had found the walk so tiring yesterday.

"When I'm in New York, I run every morning usually. I've neglected it lately with everything going on. I won't be long"

Alex nodded, although she still didn't really understand why Casey was going out to run. She smiled as she ran her eyes along the red head's toned body, her legs clad in a pair of black running shorts. She was wearing a matching vest top, and her red hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, sneakers on her feet.

Once Casey had exited the hotel, and Alex had watched her as she jogged up the path, the blonde decided to make breakfast for the pair of them. Casey had been eating quite well and they had been out into town twice for a meal. Alex had a feeling that this was also a reason why Casey had gone out running this morning, but wouldn't push the issue.

Buttering some buns, and cutting up some fruit and plating up a selection of jams and spreads, and different flavoured yogurts she had brought, Alex hummed to herself happily.

* * *

Nearly an hour later, Casey came through the door, her body dripping with sweat, as she breathed heavily. "I am so unfit" she exclaimed "I really need to get back into it when we get home"

Alex went to hug the red head, deciding not to get into this conversation right now, but Casey pulled away "Al, I'm all sweaty and I swear I stink. I need a shower before you touch me"

"Oh shh, Casey. I don't care about a little sweat, heck, I sweat more during sex" Alex said as she pulled Casey close to her, holding tighter until the red head relaxed

"Alex"

"Yes baby"

"You're crude and you're too nice to me" Casey said smiling

"I know, but it's true. I love you is all, and I really don't care whether you're a little sweaty, or smelly, not that you are"

Casey swatted the blonde, before laughing "That's good to know"

"I made breakfast" Alex said as she pointed to the array of different foods

"Looks delicious" Casey smiled as she walked over to the table, taking a bun and some fruit before placing it onto a plate

"What do you want to do today baby?" Alex asked as she piled her plate up with jam covered buns.

"I don't really know"

"Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving, so I thought we could head to the village, they've got a big dinner going on. But seeing as we are leaving on Friday morning, if you still want to go to the beach, we better do that today, and speed boating, only if you want to"

"I thought we were here for 10 days?" Casey asked, looking up at Alex

"No, we are on Vacation for 10 days, I'm taking you somewhere else before we fly home Sunday"

"You are? Where? Oh gosh, you're gonna play this game again" Casey exclaimed, remembering how impatient she had been trying to find out where they were going before

"I am. But I will tell you before we actually board the plane"

"So…"Casey said, leaving the question hanging in the air

"But not yet" Alex grinned "so, what do you fancy doing today?"

"The beach, I'm not ready for the boat thing yet, but if we ever go away again, and there's an option to do it, I might be up to it" Casey smiled as she finished her breakfast

"The beach sounds perfect" Alex smiled "This time though; we'll go grab lunch in that little café we passed yesterday"

"Sounds good" Casey said "Now I really am going to shower"

Alex winked mischievously at the red head as she followed her into the bathroom "Can I join you?" she breathed in Casey's ear as she let the robe she had been wearing fall open, to reveal her naked body

"Oh yeah" Casey grinned, as she stripped and stepped into the shower, pulling Alex in for a passionate kiss, their bodies pressed together as the water rained down on them.

"I want to make love to you" Alex whispered, as she trailed her fingers along Casey's skin before kissing her neck

The red head murmured her agreement as Alex began to kiss the red heads breasts, before flicking her tongue gently over an already taut nipple, causing it to harden further. She gently pushed Casey up against the wall as she worked her tongue over the other breast, before taking it between her teeth and nipping slightly "Oh" Casey groaned at the contact, a little surprised as her body relaxed

Alex kissed Casey's stomach gently, tracing the scars with her tongue, whispering "Beautiful"

Casey smiled as she felt Alex's breath against her skin, as the now familiar tug in her lower abdomen made its way further south "You're a tease" she choked out, as the blonde kissed just above her red curls, before flicking her tongue quickly over the bundle of nerves

Casey knew it wouldn't take long as her body arched against the wall where Alex had pressed her up against. Lacing her hands with the blonde's, Casey closed her eyes and allowed herself to concentrate on the feeling of Alex sucking and kissing around her centre, every now and then pausing to smile at the red head.

"Alex" Casey breathed out as she felt the first twinge of her orgasm. She willed herself to last a little longer, but the patterns Alex was tracing with her tongue were causing Casey to squirm. "I'm so close"

"Then come for me, baby" Alex said as she flicked her tongue over Casey's clit, inching her fingers just inside the red head's wet folds "Come for me"

Casey grunted and groaned as her legs began to tremble, as Alex sucked hard as she thrust in and out with two fingers. As Alex curled her fingers slightly and pulled hard on Casey's hardened nub, the red head shook, as she collapsed to the ground, her whole body twitching as the waves soared through her

Casey gasped as she began to breathe more evenly, although she was still trembling "Oh my gosh"

"You're shaking" Alex observed as she knelt beside the red head

Casey laughed and nodded "That was the best orgasm ever"

"I'm glad I was of use" Alex joked, as Casey began to calm her body.

Casey took a breath before pushing up and capturing Alex's lips with her own, "My turn"

* * *

Nearly an hour later and after a steamy shower sex session, the two women emerged from the bathroom, clad in there bikini's. Casey had taken the plunge and decided that she would let her fears go for as long as she was comfortable. Alex was really pleased, but didn't mention the choice Casey had made; a little worried she would make the red head self conscious. It was hard enough that Casey would constantly look at Alex's body as she touched her own.

"Come on Alex, I want to go and sunbathe" Casey said impatiently, she was really excited, albeit a little nervous

"Okay Okay, I'm ready" Alex laughed, as she took Casey's hand.

They strolled along the sand, hand's interlocked, their feet moving in perfect harmony, the sun was warm and the waves were calmer than they had been that first day.

"Thank you for bringing me here Alex; I've had a lovely time. I'm much more relaxed now and I think it's really helped" Casey said, although she had an arm draped across her stomach as to cover herself a little

"I'm glad. I know it's been tough baby, and I don't always know what I'm doing right or wrong, but all I want is for you to be happy"

"And I am. As long as I'm with you, and I have you, I'm happy" Casey said smiling as they found a spot on the sand, and laid out there towels

"I love you" Alex told the red head. Casey smiled; she loved hearing Alex tell her and knew that she wasn't always required to say it back. Alex was acutely aware of Casey's insecurity concerning those three words, for the red head thought that when she said them second, they would hold less of the same meaning. Of course, this was far from the truth but Casey had always been told that to repeat what has been said by another, is just saying to please.

"I'm glad we applied sun cream at home" Casey said winking at the blonde

"Oh yes, because I don't think the other people on vacation would be inclined to enjoy a little public indecency"

Casey laughed, as she lay down on the sand, turning on her side, so she could see her girlfriend

"When shall I move my stuff in to your apartment?"

"Whenever you want to, no pressure, okay? You can do it gradually, if you like"

"Nah, I want to do it all at once. There's nothing I really want to keep"

"You sure?" Alex asked, she was certain there must be something of importance, value or with an emotional attachment

"Certain" Casey smiled, as she stood up "Race you to the water, last one is a rotten tomato"

Alex laughed, as she tried to chase after the red head who had already reached the water and was paddling just on the edge

"That was not fair" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around the red head

"It so was" Casey giggled, as she turned and captured Alex lips in a gentle kiss

"Let's go further in" Alex said quietly "I've got hold of you. We won't go further than where you're comfortable"

Casey nodded as she allowed Alex to bring her deeper into the sea, when the water reached her stomach, she halted and gave a small smile "Here's fine"

"Perfect" Alex said, as she held the red head steady. They frolicked for a little while in the waters, and Casey found that going under the water was actually a lot of fun, as long as she had hold of the blonde's hand.

"You know Alex" Casey said as they dried off a short time later "If I had known all I needed was you, then I would have come looking sooner"

"Aww Case" Alex said "That's so sweet"

"It's true Al. You change me; you make me a better person. I feel so lucky to have you, and I couldn't wish for anything more"

Alex smiled as she sat down; pulling Casey to rest between her legs "You're amazing"

"You say that a lot" Casey observed

"Because, baby, it's true. There's no one else in the world, I'd rather be with than you"

Casey turned and kissed Alex, running a hand along the blonde's arm "I love you"

"I know. And you know, I love you too"

"Do you know what they're doing in the village for dinner?" Casey asked

"Turkey I think…but I am sure they'll be other things"

"No, turkey's good" Casey smiled, as they lay watched the waves rolling in and out of the sea.

"Shall we get some lunch?" Alex asked, as she looked at the time "It's gone 1pm"

Casey nodded as she stood with the blonde, helping to fold the towels. They had brought shorts and vest tops to change into, and would do so when they found a restroom. Neither feeling confident nor daring enough to change underneath a towel.

Many thought that Alex was confident about her body, but she had her own insecurities, she just brushed them aside because they were insignificant and she had concluded that everyone was unhappy about some part of themselves.

**Well, I did enjoy writing that chapter. Reviews welcome as always. The next chapter will continue from this one, and continue into Thanksgiving. Before you find out where Alex is taking Casey...they will arrive at the location, late Friday evening and board a plane home, early on Sunday. So will have all day Saturday at this location, and it will be special... can you guess where they are going?**


	21. Chapter 21

**A.N: Thank you for the reviews. I am posting this chapter, but I know it's short and not all that great. I have had a long day and just about managed to write this tonight. I will however, hope to have further chapters written tomorrow as it should be an easier day and I finish work at Midday too.**

Chapter 21

Alex and Casey were sitting in the quaint little café that the blonde had noticed a couple of days before. Both Alex and Casey had chosen a Ham Panini with a side salad and were quietly eating their food, Casey had settled with sparkling water while Alex had chosen a coca cola with extra ice.

"I like this place" Casey said as she bit into her Panini, with a smile

"It's quirky, isn't it?" Alex smiled; pleased with her choice as Casey was the most relaxed while eating than she had since they'd started dating

"Yeah, and quiet too" the red head observed, sipping her water "I'm going to be sad to go home"

Alex looked up at the red head and gave a small smile "We'll come back. We'll take more vacations, Case. I think we need them every once in a while"

"Yeah, sounds like a plan" the red head smiled "Which reminds me Alex. Caroline called while you were in the restroom, she wants to meet you. How do you feel about going over to see her before we get back to work?"

"Will we have time? I mean, we get early on Sunday, but we have to work Monday" Alex said raising a brow

"She said if we couldn't, she'd come down if that was okay with you. I wouldn't want to invite someone in to your apartment Al"

"It's our home Case, so if you want to invite her, she's welcome to stay. Are you sure though?" Alex was a little worried that having Caroline over would make it tougher on the red head, as it seemed her sisters were part of her ongoing problem

"Yeah, I sort of explained things a little, and she wants to come and see me. I think she was shocked and upset that I hadn't told her how I was feeling before. I think it would be nice"

"What about your other sister?" Alex asked

"Caroline didn't say but Caitlyn has always been Mum's girl, so it wouldn't surprise me if she disowned me as well"

"Oh Case" Alex said quietly, feeling for the red head. Casey however shrugged and then smiled

"It's their loss Alex. I really don't care to be honest"

Casey had thought a lot lately about her family and how things had changed, where she wanted her life to go and she had come to realise that she didn't need any one except herself and Alex. She was happy that Caroline wanted to be a part of her life again, but she wasn't concerned about her mother or Caitlyn. She loved them, and she knew deep down they loved her too but she had changed to please them in the past and was done with that.

Alex gave a small smile to her girlfriend; she had definitely seen an improvement in Casey since they'd been away and only hoped it would continue when they returned home.

* * *

"Casey, Case honey" Alex whispered into the red head's ear the next morning. It was thanksgiving, and they had decided to attend a gathering in the local village. While the islands were not part of the USA, they often held gathering's and parties for a variety of festivals.

Alex had taken the time to look up what had been going on, knowing that Casey was brought up with Catholic ideals. She was a little concerned that the food would cause Casey some issue, but the red head had insisted that they go. She would eat what she was comfortable with, and had promised Alex that if she was struggling, she would let the blonde know and they would leave.

"Morning" the red head smiled as she opened her eyes, to gaze into the blue of Alex's

"Hey gorgeous" Alex placed a kiss on Casey's forehead "Happy Thanksgiving"

"Happy Thanksgiving" Casey grinned as she sat up, causing Alex to smile. It was the first time since that Casey had woken in a good mood and Alex only hoped this was a sign of things to come

"I've showered, Case. Did you want breakfast?"

"What time is the dinner?" Casey asked as she swung her legs round so she was sitting on the bed beside the blonde

"It starts at midday"

"Then I'll skip breakfast" Casey smiled as she looked at the clock, which read 10am "It's that time already?"

"Yeah, we got home late and you were so peaceful when I woke, I thought I'd let you rest"

"I was going to go for a run" Casey said as she ran her hand through her hair before heading into the bathroom "Will I get time tomorrow before the flight?"

"You should do"

"Can you tell me where we're going now?"

"Paris" Alex breathed out before giving Casey a wide smile

"You're joking!" Casey exclaimed

"I'm not, but I wish we were going for longer. I begged Liz for some extra time, but she'd only give me three days, which means by the time we arrive, it'll be late Friday and we need to leave early Sunday. But I have something special planned for Saturday"

"I can't wait and we can always go back"

"I wanted to go sightseeing but with the special something, it's impossible. We will go back though, I promise"

Casey couldn't believe that Alex had planned all of this, it was really turning out to be a great vacation and whatever they were to do in Paris, and she knew it would be amazing.

* * *

Just after Midday, Alex and Casey had arrived in the village and were sat around a rather crowded table; luckily Alex had managed to find them seats at the end, so that if they needed to leave, they wouldn't be disturbing too many people.

"All this food looks amazing" Casey said, eyeing the plates with interest. Alex loved to see Casey at moments like these; she seemed to be revelling in the whole atmosphere.

A lady at the far end of the table welcomed everyone to the dinner, and together they said a prayer, thanking the lord for the food they were about to eat, the lives they were given and the love they received.

Both women ate well. Alex had engaged in conversation with an elderly couple, and when she turned to involve Casey, she noticed the space beside her was now unoccupied "She headed to the bathrooms about 5 minutes ago" the elderly women observed as she noticed the concerned look on Alex's face

"I'm just going to go check she's okay" Alex said as she stood "If we don't return, it was very nice meeting you both"

"And you my dear" the couple said in unison, causing Alex to smile.

Finding Casey leaning against the wall, Alex observed the red head's posture for any sign that she should be concerned "I wondered where you'd disappeared to"

"Sorry Alex, I needed to escape when the wine came back around. I hate declining at times like these, the looks you get" Casey explained, feeling a little silly for her worries

"I get it. You okay to head back, or do you want to go back to the hotel, we can sit by the pool"

"I'd like that, I'm tired too" Casey said, her bones beginning to ache

"You don't look too well Case"

"I'm sure I'll be fine, just a little bug I might have picked up" Casey said as she attempted to move from the wall she had been leaning against but stumbled as she began to feel woozy

"You sure you're okay?" Alex asked, noticing Casey's inability to stand properly. Her first thought, and maybe a little too judgementally had been that she had had a drink without her noticing but soon realised that this was impossible, and concluded that Casey must be sick.

"I think I need to sit down" Casey said, as she felt her legs wobble. Alex guided her to a bench, and sat beside her, feeling her forehead "You don't have a temperature"

"I feel sick, is all" Casey said, before she promptly vomited "And there you go"

"Oh baby, poor thing. We need to get you back to the hotel"

* * *

A few hours later, Casey was feeling a lot better, and had put the sickness down to eating more heavier foods "I don't usually eat anywhere near that much"

"I don't like seeing you sick Case, but it was nice to see you enjoy a meal"

"I did enjoy it too Alex. I actually didn't think about what I was eating at all, it was so tasty" Casey smiled as she leant her head on the blonde's shoulder

"It certainly was" Alex grinned. She loved to eat, and dinners like the one they just had were her favourite.

"I can't wait to see Paris" Casey said, as she felt herself getting excited

"I know, me too. When you told me you wanted to go, I was really pleased that I'd chosen Paris, I love making you smile"

"You do make me smile baby. You make me feel so much happier. I feel so much more relaxed"

"I can tell honey. I can see the difference in you baby, and it makes me proud and happy too"

"It's going to be freezing in Paris, I don't have any winter clothes with me" Casey realised, causing Alex to laugh out loud

"I do, I packed some for you. I'm sure you don't mind wearing my things"

"Course not" Casey smiled. She loved the blonde's wardrobe, but was sometimes a little self conscious about how her clothes looked on her.

"You still look tired, Case. Sleep baby, we have an early start tomorrow"

Casey snuggled into the blonde's shoulder as Alex lifted her from the couch into the bedroom

"Night" she mumbled, yawning

"Night my beautiful" Alex whispered as she placed the red head onto the bed, and lay beside her.

**I know, it wasn't that great a chapter. I do apologise. I am enjoying writing this one, but I seem to have come to a block with the vacation. I had already had Paris in my head as part of the vacation, and I know it's not long to spend in the city of love, but I promise that they will return sometime in the future and the time they do get is going to be really romantic, I assure you.**

**Reviews still welcome and ideas for further chapters, and scenes would be helpful and appreciated **


	22. Chapter 22

**A.N: Again, a huge thanks for all the reviews. I have some new ideas on how to extend this in the next few chapters.**

Chapter 22

Casey and Alex arrived in Paris late on Friday evening, the time difference gave both women terrible Jet Lag, but Alex was not going to let it spoil the little time they had in the city of love. It was no secret that Casey hated early mornings, in fact Alex had discovered that Casey was not a morning person in the slightest. However, much like the previous day, Casey awoke pretty upbeat on Saturday, and was excited to see what Alex had planned for them.

Alex had spent a long time planning this part of the trip, although she had not anticipated how cold it was going to be. Luckily, she had brought a thick winter cardigan for the pair of them, and managed to hide her and Casey's winter coats in the duffel bag. She was surprised that Casey hadn't questioned what lie in the bag while they vacationed in the British Virgin Islands.

"What are we doing today? I can't wait to see the Eiffel Tower; we are going to see the Eiffel Tower aren't we?" Casey was like an excited child, as she dressed and ate breakfast after a quick shower. Croissants and Jam, with orange juice was her choice of food this morning.

Alex laughed at how excited Casey was, shaking her head as she watched the red head bounce around the small room that Alex had checked them into.

"Yes we'll see the Tower" she said as she approached Casey before placing her hands on the red heads shoulders "Calm down"

"I can't help it Alex, I'm so excited" Casey grinned at the blonde

"I can tell" Alex laughed placing a kiss on the red head's lips "I love you"

"I love you so much Alex, this has been the best vacation I could ever ask for" Casey said before responding to the kiss, claiming Alex's lips with her own.

After a loving but passionate make out session, in which Casey found herself gasping for air, Alex finished packing a small bag in which she held her camera, wallet, a packet of mints and a few snacks.

"Casey, I'm ready" Alex called to the red head who was fixing her hair in the bathroom.

Casey emerged, and Alex's mouth dropped. The red head had fixed her hair so that it was pushed back from her face with a few whispery strands pulled out here and there. She was wearing Alex's thick sweater with jeans and boots and had applied her make-up so that it was subtle.

"You look amazing"

"Thanks" Casey smiled, as she took Alex's hand "You don't look too bad yourself"

Alex laughed lightly as they left the hotel.

They were staying in a boutique hotel just off of the River Seine, which was where they were heading now; Alex had booked a boat ride up to the Eiffel Tower, hoping that Casey would agree to it.

"We're getting on that?" the red head said wide eyed, looking at the small river boat that was waiting

Alex nodded, and led Casey onto the boat. The red head was understandably nervous, and Alex could feel how tense Casey was, as they made their way on board.

"You okay?" Alex asked the red head as they sat down, alongside a straight couple who were probably just a little older than they were

Casey gave a small smile and nodded "Yes"

"It's perfectly safe Case. I'd never put you in any danger" Alex said quietly, as she wrapped an arm around the slightly shaking red head

"I know" Casey choked as the boat started to move, gripping Alex's hand as it did so.

After a few minutes, with Alex pointing out different things she could see, and talking randomly, Casey began to relax, and was smiling and laughing as Alex joked around.

"We're going to see the Tower properly now" Alex explained as it came into view properly, causing the red head to squeeze her girlfriends hand. She had been looking at the tower from their hotel room, but seeing it in its full glory, was breathtaking.

20 minutes later, Alex and Casey were at the foot of the tower. Alex had asked the couple that were on the boat if they could take some photographs of herself and Casey and they happily obliged.

"You want to go up?" Casey asked, and Alex smiled, and took the red head's hand

"Of course"

"Did you know that there are over a thousand steps in the tower? And that it's 300metres tall?"

"I knew it was 300m tall, that's without the antenna though" Alex replied as they ascended in the elevator.

"It needed 60 tons of paint Alex. And has been repainted 18 times"

"You really like construction and all that stuff don't you Casey?" Alex asked the red head as they looked out of the Tower

"Yeah, it was always something I liked at school, you know"

"Why did you go into Law Casey?"

"I studied Design for 2 years, but I had always wanted to be a lawyer or something similar. I think I thought it would make my parents proud, you know. But they weren't really. I don't know, can we not talk about them Alex" Casey asked not wanting to spoil what a good time they were having

"Sorry, I just wondered, you know"

"It's okay" Casey smiled "We'll discuss it more when we get home"

Alex nodded as she wrapped her arms around the red head "I wish you could have met my Mom and Dad"

"Me too Alex, you miss them don't you?"

"Of course I do, but I have my Uncle Bill and his wife, Maggie. And all my cousins"

"I'd love to meet them"

"And you will, I promise. Would you like to go to my Uncle's for Christmas?"

"Are you sure?" Casey asked, suddenly a little nervous and uncertain whether she was ready for such a big step

"Only if you would like to, Casey. I won't push you into doing anything you aren't ready for"

"I'd like that" the red head made the decision; she loved Alex and wanted forever with the blonde. She had finally found someone she was certain she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

"Great" Alex grinned, placing a kiss on Casey's cheek as they continued to gaze out over the park

That evening, they ate dinner by the tower, in a romantic restaurant, and danced to the music as it played out. Both women were extremely happy and content and silently vowed to themselves that they would return one summer, and spend a week or two in the city of love.

* * *

The plane landed in New York, and Casey and Alex made their way into the cold city air. Alex hailed a taxi, and they settled into the back seat. Casey rested her head on Alex shoulder, as the blonde caressed her cheek. She had noticed that Casey had tensed as the plane landed, and was trying to calm whatever fears and worries the red head had.

"Being home changes nothing Casey" she said quietly "You still have me, and you're still strong and courageous. You're a fighter and together we'll get through whatever comes our way"

Casey sighed as she snuggled closer to the blonde "I know. I'm just nervous I guess"

"What about, honey?" Alex asked

"Work and moving in with you. It's silly really"

"Not at all, babe. What is making you nervous about it?"

"I'm worried that you'll get fed up with me" Casey almost whispered, causing Alex to lift her head and kiss Casey gently

"Never. If we ever need a little space, then we'll give it to one another, but don't worry yourself over it"

Casey gave Alex a small smile as the taxi pulled up at what was Alex's but now would become their apartment.

Alex picked up the post as she opened the door, and set the suitcases down. "Junk, junk, bills, and more junk"

Casey laughed as she sat on the couch, before picking up her cell phone "I'll call Liz, let her know we're back and shall be in tomorrow"

Alex nodded to show she had heard as she set about making a coffee for herself and a tea for Casey.

"Hey Liz, its Casey" the red head said into the receiver

"Hey, how was the vacation?"

"It was amazing, really good" Casey smiled "How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you doing?"

"Really well thanks, yeah, it was what I needed. I'm feeling so much more relaxed" Casey said with a smile, which caused Alex to grin. She was really proud of the red head and vowed to tell her after she had finished the call.

"That's good. Listen, Abbie came to me the day you went. She said you'd still been drinking"

"That bitch!" Casey exclaimed, causing Alex to furrow her brows at the change of tone and anger coming from her girlfriend

"Calm down. Olivia explained what had happened, so no harm done okay. I know she and Alex had a thing once, and I also can tell that she hasn't made things easy on the pair of you"

Casey relaxed as Liz explained what had happened, and nodded over at Alex who had mouthed "Are you okay?"

"Thanks Liz"

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you both tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll be heading off a little earlier than Alex. My sister is coming to stay with us"

"That's fine Casey. See you soon then"

Casey hung up after saying her goodbyes as Alex handed her the cup of tea that she had made.

"Abbie?" she questioned. When she had heard Casey get angry, and call someone a bitch, she knew that Abbie had been causing trouble

"She told Liz that I was still drinking"

"The little…"

"Hey" Casey said, placing a hand on Alex's shoulder "its fine. Olivia explained it all to Liz. Don't let her get to you, she isn't worth it"

Alex smiled at Casey's words "I am so proud of you Casey"

Casey smiled "I'm proud of myself. Things aren't perfect but they are much better than they have been"

"You must promise me that you'll talk to me if you ever feel yourself wanting a drink, okay?"

"I promise Alex. I am really going to try and I'm glad I have you"

"You'll always have me" Alex said. Casey leant forward and captured the blonde's lips in a gentle kiss.

"I love you" she whispered

"And I you"

"Always"

"Forever"

**Okay, so now they are home. Back to work, and Abbie...how will Casey cope? What happens when her sister Caroline comes to stay? **


	23. Chapter 23

**A.N: Thank you to those reviewing this. It really does mean a lot to me. I'm glad you are enjoying, and you're words really are encouraging and helpful. **

**I caught the latest episode of SVU yesterday. Living in the UK, I have to wait a day until I can view it online but it's better than having to wait weeks until they show it at gone 11pm on the TV. Definitely going to miss Munch and his conspiracy theories, and I'm sure Olivia will pass her sergeants exam. Was another great episode, but I still can't get into the whole Bensidy pairing...it's just unnatural, I don't see the chemistry at all.**

Chapter 23

"What the hell do you think you're playing at Carmichael!?" Alex practically screams as she barges into Abbie's office, the next morning.

"I don't have the foggiest idea what you're talking about Alex, and you better tone it down before you get yourself fired" Abbie says calmly

"Telling Liz that Casey was still drinking" Alex is literally nose to nose with the cool as a cucumber brunette

Just then the door opens and Olivia stands with her hands on her hips "I could hear you from down the hall Alex"

"Well, after the stunt this bitch pulled I'm not going to sit around and just let it go" Alex walks to the door "and I thought you were my friend" she bites at Olivia

"I am, but I am Abbie's friend too, and Casey's. Seriously, you women need to work this out, before you lose your jobs"

"I haven't even…" Abbie began but Olivia cut in, she was a little worried that Alex would start shouting again and get herself into trouble, especially as the door was now open and Alex was almost in the hall

"Abbie, you went to Liz badmouthing Casey, I had to step in and give the facts. Don't even start trying to play innocent. Alex, it happened, it's dealt with, both of you need to keep away from each other"

"If she would just butt out of my business, and stop being such a bitch. Anyone would think I was the one who ruined our relationship and disappeared" Alex muttered

"Let's just get on with our jobs and keep out of the way of one another" Abbie said quietly, as Alex glared at her and disappeared down the corridor.

Olivia turned back to Abbie who went to speak. Olivia held up her hand "No Abbie. You stooped too low this time, I warned you when you got back to leave Alex alone, but you keep ignoring me and causing all this trouble"

"I loved her Olivia"

"I know you did, and maybe somewhere deep down she loved you too. But now she loves Casey and Casey only. You told them both that you didn't want to ruin their relationship, but you keep making things hard for them and yourself. If you want to be friends at all with Alex, you need to let them be until she's ready; you are not helping matters by being a bitch"

"Thanks" Abbie muttered sarcastically

"It's true Abbie, you're a smart woman. You have always been the healer, the mender of broken hearts, you've always been the one that cares, but here you are acting like you've had a complete personality change. You're not a bitch, but you're being one"

"I just wish things were how they were before" Abbie sighs as she sits on the couch against the wall

"I know but they aren't. You need to move on Abbie, this isn't any good for you either"

Olivia sat down beside Abbie and wrapped her arms around the younger brunette, and held her against her chest. "I hate seeing all my friends hurt. Casey's an alcoholic, Alex's temper has gotten worse and you're acting like this. All of you are in a rough place and it hurts me"

* * *

"Alexandra" Liz called as she saw the blonde in front her. Alex had left Abbie's office and was still fuming

"What do you want Liz?" she said coldly as she turned causing Liz to stop in her tracks

"Um, I would appreciate some courtesy"

"I'm sorry" Alex sighed "That was uncalled for"

"Yes, it was. Honestly Alex, this isn't you" Liz said with obvious concern as she followed Alex into her office

"I know" Alex almost whispered, running her hand through her hair and flopping onto the couch

Casey looked up at Alex as she entered, with Liz close behind.  
"Alex?"

"Oh Case. I forgot you would be in here" Alex sighed again as Liz sat beside her

"What's going on?"

"Yeah Al, I'd like to know too" Casey said as she stood and sat on the arm of the couch, putting an arm around her girlfriend

"I just had a row with Abbie" Alex explained "Olivia came in and gave us an ass chewing"

"Oh" Casey said as she removed her arm, before standing up and looking out of the window

"Was that the shouting I heard from my office? I would never expect you to be that angry" Liz raised a brow at the two women

"She's being such a cow" Alex bit out

"I told you not to let her get to you" Casey said quietly "Why did you have to confront her?"

"Because she's bad mouthing you Casey and I hate it"

Casey turned and stood in front of Alex "its fine"

"Listen ladies, I can ask to have Abbie transferred to another bureau" Liz said, causing both women to remember that the elder blonde was in their office.

"No" Casey said adamantly before Alex had a chance to speak

"If you're sure" Liz said looking at the blonde who shook her head

"Casey's right. I need to suck it up. If Casey can be strong and hold it together, I can at least keep my distance and not rise to it"

"Okay. Now Casey, get off home. I heard your sister was arriving today, so go. Alex, you've got a court hearing at 12, but you can head off after that. Just let Captain Cragen know that they can reach you on your cell"

"Thanks Liz" Alex gave a small smile

"Just come in tomorrow a bit more like the ADA's I thought I had working in this office" Liz said as she exited the office.

"I'm sorry" Alex said sincerely as she wrapped her arms around Casey

"I know. I need you to be there for me, but don't go causing yourself trouble. I can deal with Abbie, don't fight for me"

"I'm sorry" Alex repeated, as a tear slid from her eye. Casey wiped it away before looking at Alex with genuine concern

"Oh Al. What's wrong?"

"I just hate that she's doing this. You've got enough to contend with, without her. It's entirely my fault, and I can't do a damn thing about it"

"Hey, it's not your fault at all. It's Abbie's and only hers. I'm good, I swear. As long as I have you, I'm fine"

"I love you" Alex said placing a kiss on the red head's lips before sighing

"Hey. I love you too. I've got to go. Caroline's coming a little earlier than we intended, but I'll see you at home soon"

Alex nodded before placing another quick kiss on Casey's lips.

* * *

"Casey" Caroline smiled as she embraced the red head in a hug

"Hey Cari"

"It's been too long baby sis" the strawberry blonde pointed out. Caroline and Caitlyn both shared their Mother's strawberry blonde hair that was ridiculously straight and shiny. Casey had always envied them for being so pretty; she felt that her often knotty thick red hair was a bad trait she had earned from their father.

"It has" Casey agreed as she ushered her sister inside "How's Caitlyn?"

"She's good Casey. Really good"

"She didn't want to come down" Casey states, not a question but her own thought regarding her eldest sister

"She did want to Casey, I assure you but with the twins, it's not that easy to just drop everything. They have to go to School and Ricky is away with work" Caroline explained as she took a seat on the couch beside the red head

"I thought she'd be like Mother"

"No. Casey, we know how hard Mom was on you when we were growing up, and I'm sorry I was never there for you to talk to. If I had known you were struggling so hard back then, I would have been around more"

"She hasn't changed" Casey murmured

"She's stuck in her Catholic ideals Casey, you know how she is"

"No, I don't. She wouldn't abort me because she was Catholic, yet she divorced Daddy. Sometimes, I wish she never had me" Casey felt a tear slide down her cheek, as Caroline wrapped her arm around her younger sister

"Oh Casey. Don't talk like that, please"

"It's true though. She's never loved me"

"She loves you dearly Casey. She's just a little twisted with things. She'll come round" Caroline tries to reassure Casey but she herself isn't sure that her Mom will change.

Casey shrugs her shoulders, as she allows her sister to comfort her "I'll believe it when it happens"

"Hey. I'm here, and you can always talk to me okay, and Cat said you can call her whenever you need to, to chat, or unload. I can't wait to meet Alex"

Casey smiles at the mention of her girlfriend "I can't wait for you to meet her either"

"She makes you happy" Caroline notes as she smiles at the quick change in the red head

"She really does. She's amazing Cari"

"And I'm sure she thinks the same about you"

"You think?"

"Hasn't she told you?" Caroline raises a brow at the question

"She tells me all the time"

"Well then…." Caroline places a hand on Casey's shoulder "How about a drink?"

"I…um, you know I…" Casey stutters

"I meant a coffee, or tea, or juice. Casey?"

"Sorry. Drink just means alcohol. We call everything else by its name" Casey mumbles, sheepishly

"Okay, how about a coffee for your sister?"

Casey smiles as she heads into the kitchen. Caroline takes a moment to look around the room. She can tell that Alex decorated the apartment, not that she knows the blonde's tastes but this is completely not Casey's.

She takes a minute to look over the photographs now placed on the fireplace. She sees her sister standing by the Eiffel Tower with a blonde behind her, who is embracing her from behind and concludes that this Alex, and that the photo was taken recently. She also sees the same blonde with a woman whom she assumes is her Mother, as the similarities between the two people are strong.

"She's beautiful isn't she?" Casey smiles as she enters the room carrying a coffee, water and a packet of biscuits on a tray

"She is" Caroline agrees before pointing at the photo "Paris?"

"Alex surprised me with a short trip while on Vacation"

"I thought you were going to the British Virgin Islands?" Caroline questions as she takes a biscuit, noting that Casey however has not

"We did, for a week, and then we went to Paris. We only had one day, but it was amazing" Casey smiles as she hears the key in the lock

"Honey, I'm home"

Casey stands and hugs the blonde before kissing her deeply, causing Alex to stumble a little as she wraps her arms around the red heads waist, pulling her closer. Both women break apart breathless as they hear a clearing of the throat

Casey laughs as she turns to her sister "Caroline, this is Alex. Alex, my sister Caroline"

Alex holds out a hand and Caroline shakes it gently, as Alex begins to laugh "Give me a hug, it's nice to meet you"

Caroline laughs as she gives a quick hug to the blonde, deciding she likes this woman "Call me Cari"

"Well, it's lovely to meet you Cari"

"Do you want a coffee, Alex?" Casey asks with a smile, happy to see that the two women seem to like each other at first glance

"I'll make it. I see you're okay for beverages"

Caroline nods as Alex enters the kitchen to make herself a coffee

"She's great isn't she?" Casey questions

"She seems lovely Casey and I can see how much you mean to her and her to you. I'm happy for you sis"

**Reviews please as well as any ideas, thoughts...whatever you fancy giving, I'll take. **


	24. Chapter 24

**A.N: Another chapter for you lovely people. **

**Thank you for your ideas, and be assured I am taking them into consideration and working with them. **

Chapter 24

"So, Cari, Casey tells me you work in beauty, but what is it exactly that you do?" Alex asks Casey's sister while they are sitting on the couch. Casey had gone to lie down, she had been feeling tired. Alex had noticed this a few times, the lethargic nature of her girlfriend usually starting in the early afternoon, after lunch.

"I'm a masseuse" Cari explains "I work in a day spa"

"Right, I see" Alex says, she doesn't intend to disrespect or to cast Caroline's job in a diminishing light but she is reminded of Casey telling her that her sisters were always into girly things, and were always told they were pretty

"What does that mean?" Caroline raises a brow, noting the less than enthused tone of the blonde beside her

"Nothing, really, I was just thinking about something is all. Do you like your job?"

"Yeah, I do actually. Look, I know that you probably resent me for how Casey's been made to feel but really, we didn't know it was that bad" Caroline turns to face Alex as she speaks

"I don't resent you. You seem like a really nice person, no, you are a really nice person. I just, I haven't known Casey for that long, and I'm still learning things about her. We kind of entered this relationship in the middle of Casey's struggles, and don't get me wrong, I love her more than I've ever loved anyone, we just haven't had the time to really get to know one another"

"That must be hard. How long have you actually known Casey?"

"2 months more or less" Alex says, realising that she really hadn't known the red head long at all

"And you're already living together?" Caroline asks tentatively

"I know it seems quick, but it's not really. I love her, and I want to be with her forever, I already know that. It just seems to make sense, her being here"

"Is it a way to keep an eye on her?" Caroline is inquisitive about her sisters relationship and also because she doesn't really know the full extent of Casey's drinking

"Not at all, but it does give me peace of mind to know she's here and I can be there if she needs me. Look, I love your sister more than words can say, and that's the gods' honest truth, I assure you. I care about her and yes, I worry, maybe more than I should, but it's because she means that much to me"

"How bad are things Alex? Casey hasn't really said much"

"She's managing, I think. I don't know, really. I mean, she hasn't had a drink since before we went away, I think. I know she's wanted to, and I have had to intervene"

"Is she speaking to the counsellor?" Caroline asked, remembering how Casey met with one before

"We haven't had an appointment since we've been back, and I think she's been once or twice since I found out and encouraged her to get help"

"I'm glad she has you, and I feel bad that I didn't notice things were bad before. When she was with Charlie, we knew he was hurting her but she was adamant at first that she could help him, I think it hurt that she couldn't in the end"

"I don't know much about Charlie to be honest, she's a bit reserved when talking about him"

"I think she still blames herself a bit for his death, you know?" Caroline explains

Alex nodded as she wiped away a tear; she had become so much more emotional when thinking about her girlfriend that she had ever done before. "I hate seeing her hurting"

"I do too. I was away at college when she tried to take her own life" Caroline said before stopping "You do know about that, right?"

Alex nodded and then shrugged "I know it happened but she hasn't told me why or anything else"

"I wasn't sure if you knew. I guessed you'd seen the scar, I'm not saying that I expected you to be intimate or anything, but I just, maybe I assumed" Caroline blushed at the thought of her sister being intimate with someone else

"It's okay. I did see the scar and I asked, she told me she was 19 and wanted to die. I didn't push her"

"It's not my place really to say Alex"

The blonde nodded, knowing that Caroline was right, she had to wait for Casey to be ready, and she had to hear it from her, not her sister.

"She told me about the dieting, and the anorexia, you know she's still struggling?" Alex asked

Caroline shook her head before looking up and seeing the red head in the doorway. She looked pale and withdrawn and immediately began to worry about her sister, as she nudged Alex.

Alex looked up and met the gaze of her girlfriend, who she noticed had been crying, and looked ghostly white "Case?"

Casey attempted a small smile but it was short lived as she burst into tears, steadying herself against the wall. Alex quickly ran to her side, holding her up, and allowing the red head to sob into her shoulder.

Caroline watched with a mixture of concern and love as Alex comforted Casey, she could tell how much these women loved each other, just by the way that Alex was stroking the red head, and how Casey was allowing it. Caroline could not recall a time when Casey had been as openly expressive as she was in this moment.

"Casey?" Alex whispered as she released her hold on the red head slightly "What is it?"

"I'm hurting you all so much" Casey choked out

Alex's heart began to beat harder as she realised that Casey must have heard some of the conversation "We love you Case, that's why it hurts, but you're hurting more and we're here"

"But you shouldn't need to be"

"Hey, you listen to me okay? I love you, and that is why I am here, because I care about you, and I want to help you. You are not a burden or whatever else you are thinking you are" Alex looked directly into the red heads eyes, wiping away the tears from her cheeks as she spoke

"Maybe it would be easier if I…" Casey began

"Don't you even dare say it Casey, you stop thinking that right now. Look at me, I need you, if you weren't here it would kill me, okay, I need you, so don't you even think about that" Alex tried to be firm without raising her voice but the concern and worry inside was causing her to be a little louder than she intended.

Caroline could see what was happening, and decided to step in before both women broke completely "Come and sit down Case, and you Alex. You need to talk about this, but it won't help if you shout, Alex, will it?"

Alex nodded as she went to sit on the couch "I'm sorry. It's just hearing you talk like that Casey, it scares me"

"Exactly, you shouldn't have to worry about me"

"But I do, because I love you" Alex whispered, her own tears falling

Caroline embraced the blonde as she looked at Casey "You need to make an appointment with your counsellor, are you still seeing Hilary?"

Casey nodded, as she lay back on the couch "Yeah"

"Well, call her. You need to get help, if you're feeling suicidal Casey" Caroline was trying not to cry herself but it was no use, as her own tears fell

"Cari" Casey whispered, standing and moving to sit between the two women that were crying openly

"We love you Case, and it's hurting us seeing you like this, and I know you don't like that which is why you need to talk to Hilary" Caroline said through her tears.

Alex had calmed and was quietly listening to the sisters

"I'm sorry" the red head apologised "I don't want to…you know, I had a sort of nightmare and then I heard you say that you hated seeing me hurting, I just wanted to end it for you" she said turning to face Alex

"I hate seeing you hurting, yes, but I want to be here to help you through it. It really would kill me if you weren't here Case" Alex said honestly, as she took the red heads hand

"I'm sorry" Casey said again

"Stop apologising Casey. I should be apologising for not being there when you needed me, for not seeing what it was doing to you"

"It wasn't you, it was Mom, she just always put me down"

"But I didn't notice, and Cat says she didn't either" Caroline tells the red head

"You wouldn't have. You were away at Uni and Cat was getting married, you were living, and I don't blame either of you"

"I'm going to make a coffee, would you like one Cari?" Alex asked, as Caroline nodded and gave a small smile

"Can I have some water?" Casey asked quietly as Alex stood

"Of course baby, I won't be a minute"

As Alex entered the kitchen, Caroline turned back to her sister and pulled her close so she was resting on her shoulder "She really loves you, you know"

Casey nodded "I love her too"

"Then let her be here, talk to her, about anything and everything. Don't shut her out, or pretend things are okay when they aren't"

"I don't want to burden her Cari"

"You aren't. You are her girlfriend, and she loves you more than anything, and it hurts to see you hurting but she wants to help and she wants to be there for you…it's not burdening her, not at all" Caroline wipes a tear from Casey's cheek

"I want to get better" Casey says with as much conviction as she can muster, because deep down it is true, even through the rough times, she still wants to get better

"I know you do" Alex says as she enters the room "And I'm here to help"

"Me too, and Cat as well" Caroline kisses her sister on the cheek as the doorbell rings

"I'll get it" Casey answers, as she composes herself, feeling much calmer

Opening the door she takes a step back "Abbie, what are you doing here, go away"

"I want to apologise" Abbie says quietly

"Well, I don't want to hear it" Casey retorts, as she attempts to close the door

"Casey, really, I'm sorry" Abbie is holding the door with her foot, her hand on the frame

"She told you, she didn't want to hear it and I don't want to either" Alex says, trying to remain calm, remembering what Olivia and Casey had said earlier that day

"I just want to talk" Abbie tries

Casey is fuming, she's had enough, grabbing Abbie by the arm, she pulls it from the frame before shoving the brunette hard "Get out! I don't fucking care what you want. Leave us alone"

"Casey!" Caroline exclaims, never having seeing her sister use violence before

Abbie gets up from the ground and attempts to speak "Casey, I…" but Casey slaps her hard before slamming the door, she looks at the open mouths on Alex and Caroline before hot tailing it into the bedroom, shutting the door with a force

"What the hell?" Caroline says looking at Alex

"That was my ex, she's been causing problems. I had a row with her earlier, but Casey was so calm about it, until now" Alex can't work out what just happened, the change in Casey from earlier to now was extreme and it concerned her just a little

"Casey?" she asks as she approaches the door

"Leave me please"

"No, Can I come in? We don't have to talk, I just want to hold you" Alex tries desperately

"Casey, don't shut her out. Remember what we were talking about" Caroline tries but they are both met with silence

"Casey" Alex begins "I love you. I'll be out here when you're ready" she doesn't want to go on without Casey's permission so instead sits on the floor, crossing her legs

"You okay?" Caroline mouths to the blonde, noticing the tears running along her cheeks. Alex manages a nod as Caroline takes a seat on the couch.

Nearly 10 minutes later, Alex can't stand the silence any longer

"Casey, can you just tell me if you're okay?" Alex says quietly

"I'm okay" Casey calls out but Alex can tell there was no truth to it

"I'm going to come in" Alex tells the red head as she stands. Pushing open the door, she notices the red head pulled into a ball against the head board on the bed. "Hey"

Casey looks up and gives a small smile "You okay?"

Alex nods "I'm fine. But you're not"

"Everything is hitting me ten times harder. I can't cope" Casey cries "I want to drink; I want to hurt myself until I can't feel"

"Hey!" Alex says sitting on the bed, and taking Casey's hands "Don't. You're not going to let her get to you, you're going to be strong and fight this, okay"

Casey murmurs inaudibly, as she turns her head away from Alex's concerned gaze

"No, look at me Casey. Don't do anything stupid, it isn't going to help you"

"I know" Casey murmurs "Doesn't stop me thinking about it though"

"I'm going to call Hilary; we'll go see her tomorrow. And I'll ask Liz to get Abbie transferred"

"No!" Casey exclaims "She'll still bother us wherever she is. That won't change anything"

Alex nods, but is determined to approach the subject again "I love you"

Casey gives the blonde a smile "I know"

"Shall we go and watch a movie?" Alex asks quietly but Casey shakes her head

"I just want to sleep"

"You're still tired Casey?" Alex asks "You've been sleeping a lot lately"

"If I sleep, I do not want to drink, and my body is doing all these weird things"

"It's the withdrawal" Alex acknowledges "Maybe we can get some medication or something"

Casey begins to panic at the thought as she shakes her head hard "No"

"Hey, if it helps"

"No, I can't" Casey cries, pulling away from the red head "No pills"

Alex sighs as Casey refuses to be touched "Casey"

"Let me sleep, please"

Alex is broken by the pleading tone, the defeat coming from the red head, as she exits the bedroom, whispering "I'm always here. I love you"

**Well, I know you don't like Abbie much in this story, neither do I, so I thought it was fitting to have Casey lose her temper with her, and I know some of you said you couldn't understand how Casey was so calm...well, she wasn't, she was just keeping it to herself. **

**Review please **


	25. Chapter 25

**A.N: I decided on another chapter for you today. This is a little heavy in places, just to warn you, so just be cautious. **

****Chapter 25

"I still don't know why you went round there" Olivia sighs as she holds a cold flannel to Abbie's cheek

"To apologise" Abbie says for what feels like the hundredth time

"But I told you to keep away. Why can't you just leave them be?"

"I am. I just wanted to say sorry, I wasn't expecting Casey to fly off the handle like that" Abbie says as she flinches, the cold water stinging her now bruised cheek

"She must have been pretty pissed" Olivia considers, she had been a little shocked when Abbie turned up at her door with a bruised cheek and sore ego, especially once she was told what had actually transpired

Abbie nodded as Olivia's cell began to ring. Sighing the older brunette picked it up without checking the caller ID "Benson"

"L…Liv?" came the tentative and shaky voice through the receiver

"Casey, Is that you?" Olivia asked, pulling her cell from her to read the ID

"I…can you bring me a bottle of vodka, or some wine? I…please"

"Casey, where are you?" Olivia panics

"At h...home. I…please, just come up the fire escape…I need it"

"Casey? Calm down. I'm not bringing you alcohol. Where's Alex, where's your sister?"

"The l...living room"

"Why are you calling me? You know I'm not going to bring you anything"

"I…sorry for calling" Casey sobs as she ends the call, Olivia looks at her cell and then at Abbie who looks worried.

"Casey?" she asks, although she already knows that it was

"She wanted me to bring her a drink" Olivia whispers, hardly believing it herself

"We need to call Alex" Abbie says pulling out her cell

"Oh no, I'll call, she won't listen to you" Olivia says quickly dialling the blonde before Abbie has a chance

"Alex, its Olivia. You need to talk to Casey" Olivia gets straight to the point

"What are you on about? Where did that come from?" Alex raises a brow as she looks over at Caroline, and shrugs

"Casey called me. She asked me to bring her a bottle of vodka up the fire escape" Olivia says, hearing the blonde gasp

"Thanks for calling. I'll speak to you later"

* * *

Alex drops the phone before pushing open the bedroom door "Casey"

"You sp…spoke to L…Liv" Casey chokes out, turning her head away from the concerned gaze of her girlfriend.

"Of course I did. Did you really think she'd bring you anything?" Alex whispers taking a seat next to the red head who is sitting cross legged on the bed

Casey shakes her head "No, I just"

"Wanted or needed a drink and you're desperate" Alex finished pulling the red head towards her and wrapping her arms around her waist

"Sorry" Casey cried "I'm trying"

"I know you are and I'm proud of you. You need to let me in, talk to me when you feel like you're struggling"

"I know" Casey whispers

"Talk to me now. Tell me what you're feeling. Abbie really got to you, eh?"

"It's not just Abbie. I just feel like you're settling for something when you deserve more than I can give"

"I don't want any more than what you are. I love you Casey, only you. I am not settling for anything, I have exactly what I want, and what I need and that's you. Please, believe me when I say that"

"I do, I do but..."

"No buts, okay. I will show you and tell you every day if that's what it takes for you to see. I only want you"

"Thanks"

"Come out of here, come and watch a movie. You've slept a while, and you need to do something to stop yourself from thinking. It's not good for you to be on your own like this" Alex says, pulling the red head to your feet

"Don't tell Cari"

"Casey" Alex whispers "She knows something's up. Olivia called and then I ran in here, she's not stupid"

"Just, not right now"

Alex nods, unsure of what Casey means. She doesn't want to tell Cari without Casey's permission, but isn't sure if Casey wants her to or not.

Heading into the living room, Casey can feel her sister watching her. She buries her head into Alex shoulder, as they sit on the couch

"Is Pitch Perfect okay?" Alex asks Caroline who is looking at them with a slightly worried and confused expression as the blonde presses play on the pre-recorded film

"Yeah. Um, Case?"

"Mmm" Casey mumbles, feeling her blush creep to her cheeks as she turns her head into Alex's shoulder again

"Al?"

"Not now" Alex says quietly as she strokes Casey's cheek, trying to calm the red head who she can feel tense against her

Caroline nods, understanding that now isn't the right time and that something has obviously happened. She is concerned but trusts Alex, even in the few hours they've began to get to know each other she can feel the love Alex has for Casey and knows she's doing everything to help her.

* * *

"Do you want to stay?" Olivia asks Abbie, as it turns 10pm

"I should really get home" Abbie replies

"You can have the bed, I'll take the couch. It's late. I'll drive you home tomorrow if I don't get called out. You're not working are you?"

"No, I've got a couple of days booked" Abbie tells the brunette although she already knows this

"Then stay" Olivia smiles as she notices Abbie take a deep breath. She hadn't properly noticed before how pretty the younger brunette really is, of course, she had seen moments when she caught the natural beauty of the woman now sitting beside her but right now, something changes in her, and it's something that frightens her just a little while giving her butterflies deep in her stomach.

Abbie shifts uncomfortably as she notices the twinkling in Olivia's eyes; it slightly reminds her of how Alex looked at her early in their relationship.

"Liv" she says quietly

"Abbie" Olivia says matching the other woman's tone

"I…"

Olivia edges closer so that they're nose to nose, as Abbie parts her lips slightly, her breathing a little ragged. Taking a breath the older woman, presses her lips to Abbie's in what is a tentative and slightly shy kiss. There are no fireworks, but both women feel a little fluttering as they break from each other. Abbie gives Olivia a small smile which is returned.

"Was that okay?" Olivia asks quietly

"Absolutely" Abbie smiles before sighing. She leans into Olivia, and takes a deep breath "What does this mean?"

"We're friends Abbie, you're really pretty and I really like you. I don't know what you want, but I'd like to see if we can try this…if you want"

"I…maybe I" Abbie starts, a little taken aback by the answer given by the detective

"It's fine" Olivia says quietly

"I think I better go" Abbie says moving from Olivia's side

"Stay. It doesn't need to be awkward"

"No, I should go. I'll see you tomorrow maybe"

Olivia stares at the door as Abbie leaves, before sighing and running her hand through her hair. She didn't mean to scare her off like that, but at the same time, she wasn't sure what had happened. She had kissed her, but Abbie had responded and said that it was absolutely fine. Did she say something wrong?

* * *

"Olivia, you're not making any sense" Alex sighs as she sits in her office The brunette had been mumbling for the best part of five minutes and still, Alex wasn't even sure what she was talking about.

"I kissed Abbie" Olivia replied, finally stringing words together, causing Alex to laugh aloud before she realised what the brunette had said

"You kissed her? What the heck did you do that for? When?"

"Last night. She came over after Casey hit her, and we watched a movie, and then I said she could stay…I wasn't thinking. I just…"

"And?" Alex prompts, not sure if she really wants to know any more

"It was nice" Olivia says with a small smile

"Right…" Alex can't help but laugh.

"Alex, I know she's your ex and it's weird"

"No, it's not that. She's been such a bitch and you're just falling for her"

"I'm not falling for her!" Olivia says raising a brow at Alex's words. The blonde keeps laughing as Olivia sighs "I'm not"

"You are, and you know what. I was waiting for it. Abbie does that to you, she can be such a drama queen, such a cow, but she's still hot as hell"

"Alex! You shouldn't be saying that" Olivia nudges Alex, with a confused look

"No, I shouldn't. But she did the same to me. You know how we got together"

"Yeah, you told me. How she was shouting at you because you'd made that kid cry, and then she called you a cold, two faced bitch. 2 hours later you were making out behind the courthouse"

"She has that effect on you, Olivia. It's the way she is"

"But she's ignored me all day"

"Well, seeing as she's been making mine and Casey's life hell, you just threw a spanner in the works" Alex says with a hint of sarcasm

"Yeah, I guess there's that. But she said it was fine, and she seemed relaxed until I told her that I'd like to see where we could go"

"You are so falling for her, or have you already fallen?" Alex chuckles. This is pretty amusing, and she can't wait to tell Casey "Casey! Shit"

"What?" Olivia raises a brow at the sudden change in Alex's posture

"I said I'd call her"

"Then you better. I've got to get back. Thanks for letting me offload" Olivia says standing

"Anytime. I'll call you later, talk to Abbie" Alex urges the brunette

* * *

"Casey, how did it go?" Caroline asks when they arrive back at the apartment. Casey had just had an appointment with the counsellor and hadn't said one word during the whole journey back.

The red head shrugs as she curls up onto the couch "I don't want to talk"

"I know, but you have to sometime. You'll talk to Alex later?"

"Yeah" Casey murmurs as she recalls the conversation with Hilary

_"How are you feeling?"_

_"What kind of question is that?" Casey bites out. _

_Hilary notices the anger in the red heads voice, something she hasn't heard for a long time_

_"One that I ask every time you come here and I never get an answer like that"_

_Usually Hilary wouldn't be so blunt or commanding but she can tell that Casey won't open up easily this time, and also notices how pale the red head is_

_"I feel like I need to drink" Casey says quietly_

_Hilary had thought as much, but doesn't press now that Casey has made the first move on the subject_

_"I just feel like I'm letting Alex down"_

_"Have you told her this?" _

_"Yeah, and she just says that she loves me and I'm not burdening her"_

_"Tell me about your vacation"_

_"It was amazing. We went to the British Virgin Islands. It was rough at first, but I managed to relax and it really was amazing, and then she took me to Paris for a day" Casey smiled as she remembered the lovely time they had had_

_"You didn't drink?"_

_"I wanted to, I did, but I didn't actually and it was good. But now, I…" Casey falters_

_"Go on"_

_"Her ex is still causing problems, I hit her yesterday"_

_Hilary isn't shocked by this revelation. She knows that Casey has had anger issues but it had usually been directed towards herself_

_"How's the food issue going?"_

_"Okay actually. I guess" Casey says quietly. To be honest she had been eating less but in comparison to other things it didn't seem a big issue anymore_

_"What are you thinking?" Hilary asks, noticing how far away the red head seemed to go in her own head_

_"I told Alex I'd be better off if I wasn't here" she says quietly_

_Hilary tries to hide her gasp; she had remembered when she first met the red head after the suicide attempt back when she was 19._

_"Are you thinking about suicide?" _

_"Sometimes"_

_"I think you'd benefit from medication Casey. I know you didn't like it last time, and I know they made you sick to begin with, but it's better than the alternative" _

_Casey nods, although she is absolutely terrified about taking anti-depressants again. This is something she needs to talk to Alex about_

**I know that was choppy, with the back and forth. But I wanted something to happen between Olivia and Abbie.**

**Reviews please**


	26. Chapter 26

**A.N: Thank you for the reviews. A big thanks to the guest who has given me an idea for a few chapters time. Casey's Mum will make an appearance as we continue, as will Casey's other sister Caitlyn. Is Abbie and Olivia something you want me to explore and how much do you want of their blossoming relationship?**

**I'm just became an Auntie for the 5th time, to my 5th nephew. He was born at 9.19 this morning, weighing 5 pounds and 10 ounces, he is absolutely perfect. **

Chapter 26

"How long has she been like that?" Alex asks Caroline, looking at Casey who is curled into a ball at the far end of the couch, a blank stare on her inexpressive face

"Since we got in" Caroline said quietly "She won't talk to me, she won't eat, or have anything to drink"

"Thanks for calling me Cari" Alex says sincerely as she approaches the red head "Casey?"

Casey doesn't acknowledge the presence of the blonde, as Alex sits down and touches her shoulder gently. She is definitely concerned about Casey's state of mind but is relieved that Caroline had stayed with her and that she had rung. Caroline disappears into the kitchen, leaving the two women alone in the hope that Casey opens up.

"Casey? I'm here" Alex whispers as she pulls the red head into her arms. Alex begins to stroke Casey's hair as she hears the first sob escape the red heads lips, before her body begins to shake with the force of emotion "Oh baby"

Alex continues to caress the red head, her own tears silently falling. It breaks her heart to see Casey like this, but she's more concerned than anything. _"What happened at the counsellor's?"_ She wonders

After a while Casey has began to calm, and Alex stills her movements slightly, before placing a kiss on top of her head "Talk to me"

"Hilary wants me…wants…pills" Casey manages, as she feels the tears threaten to fall again

Alex nods, as she wipes a tear from the red head's cheek "I think it'll help" she says quietly

"I took them before. They made me sick all the time"

"You're scared" Alex observes as she notices Casey fiddling with her shirt hem. Something she had seen a lot lately.

"Yeah" Casey whispers "I don't really want to die"

"I know. You're struggling, but baby, I'm here. Lean on me if you need to"

"Thanks" Casey says, with a small smile "Where's Cari?"

"In the kitchen, you scared her Case. She was really panicking when she called"

"I want to see her" Casey whispers quietly

Alex nods as she gives Casey a kiss on the forehead before heading into the kitchen

"Cari?" Alex asks

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she wants to see you"

Caroline returns to the living room, giving Casey a smile as she enters "Hey you"

"I'm sorry" Casey apologises

"Hey, you've got nothing to be sorry for"

"Hilary wants to put me back on the anti-depressants"

"That's good Case, it will help. It did before right?" Caroline asks

"Yeah but I was sick all the time the first few weeks"

"Last time you'd just been in hospital for a week, having all these things pumped into you. Of course you were sick; it will be different this time"

Casey shrugs; she doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

"You hungry?" Alex asks the red head

"Not really" Casey mumbles, although her stomach says otherwise and it makes a gurgling sound causing Caroline to chuckle

"That's bull" Alex retorts "I'll make some sandwiches"

"You need to eat" Caroline instructs her sister as Alex goes into the kitchen

"I know" Casey says a little too abruptly "Sorry"

"It's okay Case. Listen to me, okay. You can beat this, you can get through it. Just talk to us"

Casey shrugs her shoulders again, as she turns her head away, curling her legs back to her chest

* * *

"How is she?" Olivia asks Alex. Caroline and Casey had gone out at the request of the strawberry blonde, she had wanted to treat Casey to a spa session at the sister salon to the one she works in.

"Not great. Thanks for coming over"

"It's no problem. You need someone to lean on as well, it must be hurting you too" Olivia spoke quietly

"I just hate seeing her like this. The counsellor wants her to take Anti-depressants, she did once before and they made her sick. She's so scared Liv" Alex began to cry

"Shh. Hey, she's got you. And listen, you both have me"

"Thanks" Alex gave a small smile "You spoken to Abbie yet?"

"Yeah. We've agreed to just stay friends, sort of"

"What does that mean?"

"I like her Alex, but what she did to you, and what she's doing to you and Case, I don't know"

"Hey. If you and she become a thing, maybe she'll leave me alone" Alex laughed

"I don't think it's the right thing. But there is something there, certainly. She kissed me" Olivia blushed

"See, she likes you too. I won't be angry about it, Liv. You deserve to have someone in your life" Alex says to the brunette

"What about Casey?"

"She'll be happy for you, once she gets over the shock. It's going to take a lot of time for Casey to forgive Abbie, and it might never happen but you're her friend and she won't be angry either" Alex says, although she isn't sure how Casey would take the news if anything did happen.

"I've got to get back to the precinct before Elliot comes searching for me" Olivia laughs

Alex smiles at this information, she had seen the way Elliot and Olivia interacted with each other and when she had first met them, she thought there was something more going on but after learning that Elliot was married and that Olivia was gay, she realised that they were just very close friends and their partnership was solid.

* * *

"You look much brighter" Caroline acknowledged as she looped her arm around Casey's. They had had a lovely relaxing time at the spa, and Casey was relieved that her sister had booked the sauna so they would be the only people there.

"I feel so much more relaxed" Casey said with a smile "Thank you"

"You're welcome. When are you seeing Hilary again?"

"Thursday, I've got to get this prescription off"

"Come on, we'll do that now" Caroline says entering the pharmacy they are passing

"I…" Casey begins

"Hey. It's okay…this is to help you. You want to get better don't you?"

"Of course" Casey says angrily

"That's enough. I'm trying to help, don't snap at me" Caroline chides the red head

"Sorry" Casey mumbles

"I know you're scared. I know you want to get better, but you've got to take the steps to get there" Caroline says as she hands the prescription to the pharmacy, with a small smile

When they've got the prescription, and are heading back to the apartment Casey turns to Caroline "I'm trying Cari"

"I know you are. You can have setbacks, you can relapse but I know you're trying"

"Does it make me bad that I still want to drink?"

"No, not at all Case, this is what you need to do. Talk about it, when you feel like you need to drink, tell me, or Alex"

"I will" Casey says, drawing her gaze away from the bar across the street, where she'd sit most evenings before Alex had seen her that day.

"Come on. Let's go home"

* * *

"Hey" Alex smiles as she hears the two women enter the apartment, turning to face them as she sits on the couch

"Hi Al" Casey returns the smile, giving the blonde a peck on the lips "I missed you"

"Aww, I missed you too" Alex replies, pulling Casey back for a longer, deeper kiss

Caroline watches with a smile, pleased that her little beauty therapy had worked. Casey was more relaxed than she had seen since arriving yesterday.

"If you two love birds would stop kissing, I'd ask if you wanted me to order take-out"

Casey pulled away from her assault on the blonde's lips at the sound of her sister's voice "Oh my gosh. I'm sorry Cari" she blushed

Alex and Caroline started to laugh, causing Casey to smile and then join in the laughter

"Take out would be good" Alex said once they had calmed their laughter as she pulled Casey into the space between her legs on the couch

Caroline picked up her cell and began calling the take-out. She had already memorised the take out order as it was stuck to the fridge, and she had assumed correctly that they have take out often.

"You seem much brighter" Alex said to the red head

"I feel it. We got my meds while we were out. I'll take the first one later" Casey said with a small smile, although she was still pretty scared about it

"I'm glad. What are you going to do about work?"

Casey looked up at with a raised brow "Nothing. I'm going to work as usual"

"Okay" Alex nodded, she wouldn't force the red head to take time off but she was pleased that they were sharing a docket as at least then she could be with her as much as possible. "You wouldn't guess who might be getting together?"

"Who?" Casey asked, although she wasn't entirely bothered about this piece of news it seemed Alex had

"Olivia and Abbie" Alex smirked, nudging Casey

"What? When did that happen?"

"Yesterday after you hit her, she went to Liv's. And Olivia kissed her"

Casey's eyes went wide as she heard this piece of information "Really?"

Alex chuckled "Yes really. Abbie kissed her back today. Olivia came over; she's worried how you'll take it"

"If that's what she wants" Casey muttered

"I think that's what she's worried about" Alex sighed, although she had expected this reaction from the red head

"But why Abbie?"

"Do you remember me telling you about the first time me and Abbie got together?"

"Yes" Casey said quietly before it clicked "She finds the anger hot"

"Uh yeah, I did too" Alex reminds Casey before amending at the sight of Casey scowling "But that was then"

Casey gave a small nod and then smiled when Caroline came in "You order dinner Cari?"

"Yep, I'm pretty impressed. They knew exactly who you were before I'd finished the order"

Alex laughed "I order take out all the time and they've sort of guessed I have someone else after adding the rice and plain chicken"

Casey blushed at the mention of her bland order, which Caroline noted as did Alex. Both women silently vowed that this would be another topic to discuss in a few days, as they were both aware that Casey's appetite would diminish once she starts the medication.

**I apologise for it being a little short but forgive me, and I'll make it up to you with a longer chapter next time. Please review, and let me know your thoughts on how Caitlyn should be brought into the story, and what should happen with Olivia and Abbie, also if you have any ideas on further developments in Casey's recovery, please let me know. Thanks xx**


	27. Chapter 27

**A.N: A longer chapter for you. Had fun writing this chapter so I hope you enjoy. I know you all want Abbie to be a bit nicer, but she won't chnage overnight so you'll have to put up with her a little longer.**

Chapter 27

"You've been really quiet Case, is everything okay?" Caroline asks causing Casey to scowl at her

"Yeah, everything is abslotely brilliant!" she answers sarcastically

"Sorry that was a stupid question. I just wondered if something was bothering you right now because you haven't said one word since dinner"

"I've got to take my first pill" Casey almost whispers but luckily Caroline has pretty good hearing

"Oh sis, it'll be fine. Don't worry yourself about it, you're over thinking everything"

"I can't help it" Casey sighs exasperatedly

"I know, but it'll get better"

"Will it?" Casey asks as she feels herself tearing up, hastily wiping the first tear as she pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head, trying to will the tears away

"Oh Case" Caroline whispers as she pulls her sister into a brief hug "I'll go get Alex"

Caroline heads to the bathroom where she has heard the shower stop running "Alex?"

"I'll be one minute Cari" Alex calls out as she fixes the robe around herself before opening to door "What's up?"

"Casey's getting a bit anxious about the meds I think. I tried to reassure her that things will get better but she's in denial I think" Caroline tries to explain quickly

Alex nods as she heads into the living room, noticing Casey crying and rocking back and forth trying to calm herself down "Hey"

"Alex, I hate this. Everything gets to me" Casey says quietly, still rocking until Alex stills her and pulls her close

"I know, but Cari's right babe, things will get better. I promise"

"I've got to take the first pill" Casey whispers, almost afraid to hear herself say those words

Caroline hands her the packet gently, with a glass of water and gives a small smile before heading to the spare room she has been sleeping in

"It's okay to be scared Casey. But they're to help you, that's what you need to think about. Focus on the future, what you want to do when you're better" Alex said in an attempt to help Casey realise it was okay, and that things would get better

Casey nodded, popping the first pill into her mouth and chugging down the water, swallowing hard. As she did so she screwed her eyes shut tight and then felt herself heave as the pill descended down her throat. Coughing and spluttering, she threw up, the little white pill refusing to stay where it needed to go.

Alex gasped as she wasn't expecting Casey to vomit, and then heard the sobs coming from the red head "What the fuck is wrong with me?"

"Hey, it's okay. Come on, have some water. We'll try again in a little while" Alex sighed as she tried to close her nose off to the smell. She was pleased that Casey hadn't eaten a heavy meal, and that the bland chicken and rice didn't smell too bad when returned through sickness.

Casey shook her head and reached for the packet, fumbling to remove the tiny pill from its foil barrier, she put it into her mouth, pinched her nose and swallowed. When she had swallowed it, and was sure it would stay down, she drank the last of the water and sighed before giving Alex a small smile "I'm going to go to bed"

Alex smiled in return and nodded, feeling pride at Casey's achievement but hoping that the pills would help because it was hurting her more than she cared to let on seeing her girlfriend look and act so down.

"Hey" Caroline said as she entered the living room, after seeing Casey walk past her door. Scrunching her nose at the smell of vomit she offered to clean it up, although hesitant to ask exactly what had happened

"She threw up the first one" Alex explained, noticing the inquisitive look coming from Caroline

Caroline nodded in understanding as she helped Alex clean before excusing herself and heading to her room.

Alex looked at the time, and decided to call it a night too. Heading into the bedroom, she noticed Casey was already in her pyjamas and under the covers. Removing her robe, Alex crawled in beside the red head, wrapping her arms around her and kissing her on the cheek. Casey gave a small smile; her eyes still closed "Night Alex"

"Good night Casey" Alex returned the smile as she allowed herself to drift off

* * *

"I can't believe he got off" Casey exclaimed as she and Alex returned to their office after the latest case had returned a not guilty verdict

"It happens" Alex sighed, although in truth, she herself had thought their evidence was enough

"I know, but it doesn't make it any easier. Someone else didn't get justice; someone else has to continue to live in fear"

"We tried Casey; it's all we can do"

"I hate it though"

"Me too" Alex acknowledged as she ran her hand through her hair "You wanna grab lunch?"

"I'm not really hungry, but you can" Casey said quietly

"Come on, maybe you'll change your mind when you get there" Alex tried

"I'm fine, you go"

"I really don't want to get lunch by myself"

"Take Abbie then" Casey said before biting her lip "Sorry"

Alex nodded, choosing not to respond with words, instead saying "You didn't have breakfast, you've got to take your tablet with food"

Casey scowled as Alex brought of the subject of her medication, after the trouble with it last night, she was dreading taking it in public "I'll take it later"

"The doctor said that it would be better taking it first thing or during the day Case" Alex reminded the red head, ignoring the glare she was receiving

"Please" Casey whispered to no one in particular

Alex sighed "I'm getting lunch, you can come or not, but either way, you're going to eat something when I get back" and with that she left the office.

As she reached the end of the corridor, she reached into her pocket to pull out her cell sending a text to Casey **_I love you_**

**_I love you too, I'm sorry _**came the immediate reply as she heard a crash come from the office she had just left

Running back, she pushed open the door to see Casey sitting with her head in her hands and the paperwork scrawled across the floor "Hey" she whispered "It's okay"

"It's not" Casey said, her teary green eyes meeting soft blue ones "I don't feel any better"

"Case, it's been less than 24 hours since you took the first tablet. You know it can take a few weeks before you feel any effect" Alex said as she ran a hand up the red head's arm, caressing it gently and reassuringly

"I know but in the mean time I'm being such a bitch and I'm going to end of driving you away" Casey said quietly

"I'm not going anywhere. I know this isn't going to be an easy road, it hasn't and I'm still here. I love you and I want to look after you and support you. You don't need to worry about driving me away, it won't happen. You're not a bitch, you're struggling and that's natural" Alex says pulling the red head into her as she kneels beside her

"I love you" Casey says sincerely

"I know. Now are we going to get lunch" Alex asks lifting the red head's chin and giving her a smile

Casey nods "Can I take my meds now? I don't want to do it when I'm out"

Alex nods as she hands the packet to Casey. They had decided that Alex would look after them, as Casey wasn't entirely comfortable with having them where she could take them if she was having a bad day. Alex had freaked when Casey had mentioned it before they left home that morning, concerned that Casey had actually thought about taking them to end her life but the red head had managed to reassure her just a little bit that it was a precaution and that she would tell Alex if she was thinking like that.

Casey took the pill without any of the problems the night before had given them, and they headed to the diner for lunch.

* * *

"Hey" Olivia called as she noticed the two women enter the diner. Olivia had met with Abbie and were having a quiet lunch together when Alex and Casey had entered

Casey looked over and then back at Alex with frightened eyes "I don't want to sit with them" she said quietly, so that Alex could hear

"You go get a seat, I'll talk to them" Alex said softly as she guided Casey to a booth before planting a kiss on her forehead "I love you"

"Hey Cabot" Abbie grinned as the blonde approached the table

"Not joining us?" Olivia asked raising a brow

"Nothing against you Liv" Alex said, before glaring at Abbie who had a huge grin on her face

"I get it" Abbie muttered

"I'll call you later" Alex told Olivia before returning to Casey who was nursing an orange juice "You okay?"

"Yeah, if you wanted to sit with them…" Casey began but Alex cut her off, placing a hand on her shoulder as she sat next to her in the booth

"I'm fine with you"

Alex and Casey ate quietly; every now and again they could hear Olivia laugh at something Abbie had said before placing a kiss on her cheek. This in turn would make Abbie smirk at the two women sitting together before kissing Olivia hard on the lips.

"She's trying to make you jealous" Casey observed

"Well it's not working. I only have eyes for you" Alex said sincerely, pulling Casey in for a deep and passionate kiss, causing the red head to blush and quickly scan the room to see who was watching

"Alex, people are staring" she whispered as Alex broke the kiss and grinned

"I don't care. I have the best girlfriend and I want everyone to know that she's mine"

Casey blushed again as she smiled at Alex's words "I love you"

"And I you" Alex said smiling "You're amazing"

"Hardly" Casey muttered causing Alex to shake her head. It was so tough to get Casey to take a compliment these last couple of days, but she wouldn't let up on giving them

Alex watched as Olivia and Abbie left the diner, Olivia giving them a small wave while Abbie grabbed her other hand with her own, lacing their fingers together.

"She's a bitch" Alex said which caused Casey to laugh

"Maybe Liv will soften her up a bit"

"I doubt it" Alex said as she joined in the laughter

"Oh come on Al, she wasn't that bad when you were together, right?" Casey said quietly

"She was a complete darling" Alex said honestly "Really she was, until the job became more important"

Casey nodded as she took in Alex's body language "Well, I don't know if that's the case now, but she seems to be happy with Olivia"

"She does, when she's not trying to make me jealous"

"But it's not working, right?" Casey asked, watching Alex carefully

Alex sighed and looked right at Casey "Not at all. I was just thinking that's all"

"About?"

"I love you Casey, only you, and no one else. I want forever with you, and I've never wanted that before, not even with Abbie. I never thought about next year with her, it was always the right now. But with you, I want us to buy a house together, get married, have children and not necessarily in that order"

Casey went quiet at Alex's admission, she hadn't thought about marrying Alex, or having children, but she wasn't opposed to the idea, she was just struggling with other things and at this moment felt guilty that she hadn't given it more thought.

Alex noticed her lack of response and immediately regretted it, but wasn't sure why. It was true but she didn't want to scare Casey with this right now

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. Just, you asked and I wanted to be honest and maybe you don't want that" she said quickly

"No, no, no Al. It's fine…You really want that?"

"Yeah I do" Alex said quietly "I'm sorry for throwing it out there like this, here"

"It's fine. I guess I never really thought about it that much and that's really bad of me. I've been so selfish lately but I would love for us to settle down and have children someday"

"You would?" Alex asks, feeling her heart flutter at the thought

"I really would" Casey smiled as she spoke

Alex gave Casey a gentle kiss and smiled "We'll talk about it another time"

Casey nodded as she returned the smile "We better get back to work. Liz will have both our asses"

* * *

Later that evening, once Caroline had excused herself to her room, Casey and Alex were sitting on the couch, snuggling together when Casey said to Alex "I meant what I said earlier, I would love for us to have forever"

"I meant it too" Alex said smiling

"I've never really thought about getting married and I definitely didn't think it would be to a woman"

"I thought of nothing else" Alex replied "I was always looking at dresses"

"You'd want to wear a dress?" Casey asked

"Yeah, would you?"

"I guess. Would that be weird, both of us in dresses?"

"Not at all" Alex smiled "You'll look perfect"

"You'd look perfect too" Casey smiled as she leant in to kiss Alex gently. Alex smiled as she responded, pulling Casey onto her lap as she ran her hands in the red hair of her girlfriend.

Casey gasped as she felt Alex's teeth catch her lips, tugging gently. Her own hands were roaming the pale and soft skin on Alex's back as she snuck her hand up the blonde's shirt.

"You know we might not be able to make babies the conventional way, but we can try" she whispered huskily

Alex chuckled and murmured as Casey began sucking her pulse point, placing gentle kisses along her neck as the blonde tilted her head back "We certainly can" she whispered back, pulling Casey shirt from its waist band

"I'm just….Oh my god. I'm so sorry"

Alex and Casey jumped apart at the sound of Caroline speaking, as she blushed at catching her sister and girlfriend about to have sex. She excused herself, shaking her head, no doubt trying to erase the image from her mind

"Cari!" Casey called as she lifted herself from Alex and followed her sister

"I'm so sorry Casey" Caroline repeated as she felt her sister's presence but didn't turn

"It's fine. We should have gone into our bedroom or something"

"I'd have heard you"

"You probably would, I guess. Don't worry about it, we should have thought first"

"No, you and Alex have sex, I know that. I came here knowing that it was a possibility. Maybe I should stay in a hotel or something"

"Don't be silly, you're heading home on Saturday right? We can manage until then"

"You shouldn't have to" Caroline mumbled

"It's fine" Casey said as she hugged her sister "We'll be good"

Caroline laughed as Casey left the spare room and headed back to Alex

"That was embarrassing!" the blonde exclaimed still adjusting her shirt and skirt

"It's cool" Casey said quietly "We'll just need to calm ourselves until she leaves on Saturday"

"I need a cold shower!" Alex exclaimed causing Casey to laugh

"I was going to ask if I could join you but that might not be a good idea"

Alex groaned at the thought of a shower with Casey, as she pulled the red head into her arms "I can't wait until Saturday"

Casey planted a kiss on the blonde's cheek "Neither can I"

**I bet that was awkward! Reviews please **


	28. Chapter 28

**A.N: Thank you to those reading and reviewing this. This isn't a long chapter, more of a filler, partly because I went to meet my new nephew after work, and haven't been home long. **

Chapter 28

Casey sat up quickly, her breathing heavy and her body sweating even if the winter air. Fumbling around for a source of light, the red head reached out and her hand smacked the sleeping blonde beside her

"Ouch!" Alex exclaimed opening her eyes as Casey found the switch on the lap and flicked it, bringing light to the room "What are you doing?"

"I…you…that…I" Casey gasped as she attempted to adjust her eyes to the light, and her surroundings

"You have a nightmare baby?" Alex asked, sitting up and reaching for the trembling woman beside her who nodded in answer to the question "It's okay now"

"I know, I know, it was so real though" Casey said as she breathed through the panic attack, although her body was still a little shaky with the aftershock and fear radiating through her

This had happened the past two nights, and had been a topic of Casey's discussion with the counsellor on Thursday

_"How are you feeling Casey?" Hilary asked as the red head made herself comfortable on the couch_

_"Sometimes I'm okay and then…it's just hard"_

_"You still want to drink?"_

_"Yes, sometimes"_

_"And the suicidal thoughts?"_

_"Not so much"_

_"That's good. How are you managing the medication?"_

_"Okay. I couldn't keep the first one down, but I've been okay since"_

_"Any sickness at all?"_

_"Not since that first one" Casey explained_

_"Anything else that's changed?"_

_"I had a nightmare last night. It felt so real"_

_"Can you talk me through it?" Hilary asked as she made notes on her pad_

_"It was Christmas and I was at Alex's Uncle's house. They were drinking, and they kept offering me drinks, I drank them but it was Alex that got drunk and she drove us home and crashed, and she didn't make it" Casey could feel the tears fall as she relieved the nightmare through her words "It felt so real, the crash and then seeing her…like that"_

_Hilary nodded, she wasn't a dream interpreter and couldn't give a reading on what the nightmare meant but hoped that she could give Casey some guidance, or support_

_"You love Alex, and you know that it hurts her to see you hurting and that makes you feel guilty which is probably why when you drank, she got drunk instead"_

_Casey nodded, thinking as much herself "I love her so much"_

_"Are you able to tell her when you want a drink?"_

_"Yeah, but she knows anyway. She says she can tell when I'm struggling" _

"I know it did Casey but it wasn't. I'm still here" Alex responded

"I'm scared"

"…of going to my Uncle's for Christmas?" Alex asked although she already knew, they had already had this conversation the previous night

"Yeah"

"I've told them that there isn't to be any alcohol Case. They know…and it's fine"

"I know" Casey replied quietly

"We don't have to go"

"You want to I know. It'll be okay, you said so, and I'll be fine" Casey answered, feeling guilty and angry at herself

"You will" Alex agreed "Come on, try and sleep"

"I'm not tired" Casey said before yawning and curling into the blonde "Maybe a little"

Alex gave a small chuckle as she stroked the red head's cheek, sending her into slumber before joining a few minutes later

* * *

"I'm going to miss you" Casey told her sister as she bundled the last bag into the car

"And I you, but I'll be down to see you really soon, and I'll bring Cat along too. Maybe in the New Year, okay" Caroline said, pulling the red head into a hug

"Yeah, that'll be nice"

"You take care of my sister" Caroline says turning to Alex who is standing on the sidewalk, watching the two sisters

"I promise" Alex said, giving Caroline a quick sideways hug "Take care"

"I will. Love you Case"

"Love you too Cari" Casey replies

"Bye Alex"

"Bye" Alex wraps her arm around Casey as Caroline gets into the car, giving a small wave as she drives away

"I'm going to miss her" Casey says quietly as the enter the building, and press the button for the elevator

"Me too, she's been a big help this week"

"She has" Casey agreed

"Now we're alone though" Alex whispered as she stepped closer to Casey in the elevator as they made their way back into their apartment

"And..?" Casey said quietly, as Alex ran a hand up her thigh, causing her to gasp "Alex"

"What?" Alex asked removing her hand as the doors opened, and they began to walk down the hall

Casey shook her head, as Alex fumbled with the key. As the door unlocked, she captured the red heads lips with her own, shuffling them through the open doorway before kicking it closed with her foot.

Casey was taken aback by the force and unexpected assault on her lips but she wasn't complaining, especially as Alex had managed to remove her shirt and unbutton Casey's without removing her lips from the red head's.

"I want you" Alex said huskily, pulling Casey towards the bedroom

Casey murmured as Alex began to place kisses along her jaw line before descending down her neck "Mmm"

"You like that?" Alex whispered, as Casey nodded in response.

Alex smiled as she pushed Casey gently down on the bed before straddling her hips, removing her shirt and attempting to unhook the bra clasp as she reached around the red head

"I love you" Casey said sincerely to the blonde as she lifted her lips to allow Alex to remove her pants and underwear

"I love you too" Alex whispered "And I want to show you how much"

Alex ran her fingers along the underside of the red heads breasts before brushing a thumb simultaneously over both nipples, causing the red head to breathe in before she rose to capture Alex's lips

"You are beautiful" Alex told the red head as she began placing feather light kisses around her stomach, before returning to her lips momentarily. Alex then flicked her tongue gently over an already taut nipple causing it to harden further and the red head to tip her head back in pleasure

"So good"

Alex smiled as she repeated the process before trailing her hands across the red head's thighs

"Alex, please" Casey whispered, the teasing becoming all too much.

Alex wanted to prolong the love making but at the same time, knew that Casey needed this, and would be close

Placing a kiss upon the red curls, she stroked Casey's lips with her finger, before coming into contact with her clit. Casey's hips rose from the bed as Alex plunged a long finger into her folds, before taking the bundle of nerves between her teeth "Oh my god"

Alex smiled as she continued to suck, lick and bite gently on the hardened nub as she sped up her thrusts, inserting a second and then third finger, as Casey gripped the sheets. "Come for me baby" the blonde whispered as she looked up at Casey "Open your eyes and let go"

Casey opened her eyes slowly as Alex curled her fingers inside, bringing her over the edge as her hips bucked and her juices seeped onto the blonde fingers. Alex lapped them up before bringing her body up beside the red heads, kissing her gently

"Mmm" Casey mumbled into the kiss, tasting herself on Alex's lips

"Beautiful" the blonde whispered.

Casey smiled at her girlfriend, before reaching out to unbutton the blonde's jeans to reveal an underwear free sex "No panties"

Alex grinned "They'd be ruined by now"

Casey tossed them aside, flipped Alex over so she was now on top and began to caress the blonde's folds, immediately met with a sticky wetness that almost set her into a second orgasm "They would" she replied

Alex gasped at the immediate intrusion, Casey choosing to enter with three fingers immediately as she thrust in and out at a rather quick pace, her thumb simultaneously brushing the blonde's clit. Within seconds Alex was gasping and bucking her hips, to gain more pressure as her orgasm built up, before ripping through her "Caseyyyyy!" she cried "Oh my good lord, oh my gosh"

Casey licked at the juices before biting on the blonde's clit and giving it a few fast flicks, sending the blonde into a trembling second orgasm.

"WOW" Casey exclaimed as she crawled up the blonde's body, her own hand rubbing her own sex and she felt another orgasm hit her, as she threw her head back

"Yes, wow" Alex whispered as she recovered to see Casey send herself over the edge "That was amazing"

Casey smiled as she planted a wet kiss on the blonde's lips "You're amazing"

* * *

They lay entwined for about half an hour, just listening to the sounds of the city outside, until Alex said to the red head "What shall we do today?"

"I'm meeting Olivia" Casey answered "I forgot to tell you earlier, we're going to do a little Christmas shopping"

"Oh okay" Alex answered, she had hoped to have a lazy day with the red head but was happy that Casey was doing things that she enjoyed

"You could come too, but I'd have to make you wait outside some shops. I've got presents to buy that you can't see"

Alex grinned "Our first Christmas together"

"It's gonna be amazing"

"It will. It will"

"What time are we going to your Uncle's?" Casey asked

"Dinner is usually at 2ish, so if we get there for say 11? That gives us a little time on our own first"

Casey nodded with a smile "Sounds perfect"

"What time is….?" Alex began as there was a loud knock on the door

"Shit, Olivia said she'd be here at 11!"

"It is 11" Alex laughed as Casey scrambled from the bed, throwing her clothes back on. Alex grabbed a robe and threw it around herself before heading to open the door

"Olivia" she smiled "Come in, Casey should be ready in a minute"

"Hey" Olivia gave Alex a warm hug "Hurry up Novak!"

"Hey Liv" Casey said, still buttoning up her blouse

Olivia raised a brow, looking between the two women before laughing "I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

"No, we'd already finished" Alex grinned, causing Casey to slap her arm "Ow"

"Love you" Casey planted a kiss on the blonde's lips before turning to Olivia "Ready?"

Olivia laughed as she nodded "See you later Al"

**Review please. Next Chapter, Olivia and Casey go Christmas shopping...**


	29. Chapter 29

**A.N: Sorry for the lack of progress on this yesterday. Working on a new Alex/Casey story as well now, but I will try and update this every day again from now on. A shortish chapter this time though. **

Chapter 29

"She's gonna love it" Olivia assured the red head as she debated over buying a particular present for Alex

"You think so?" Casey asked, still unsure

"Of course, it's beautiful"

"It is isn't it?" Casey smiled "I'm going to get it"

Olivia gave Casey a wide smile "Finally"

Casey laughed at Olivia's exasperation "I just want her to see how much I love her"

"She knows already"

Casey paid for the item and they exited the store. "Anywhere you'd like to look Liv?" she asked

"Not particularly"

"You can't be finished already" Casey said raising a brow

"I'm not; I just have no idea what to get Abbie"

"How's that going?" Casey asked, curiously

"It's good. I mean, its early days and everything but I like her, she's quite fun to be with actually" Olivia smiled as she spoke about her girlfriend

"Maybe you should ask Alex" Casey suggested causing Olivia to chuckle

"Oh come on, how can I ask Alex? That's just ridiculous"

Casey sighed "It's not. Alex knows Abbie; she could give you some ideas at least. What does Abbie like?"

"I don't know" Olivia admitted "I haven't really known her that long, like this. I mean, we were never friends when she was our ADA"

"Exactly, that's why you should ask Alex. I am sure she won't mind"

Olivia nodded "Maybe I will, I don't know"

Casey decided to drop the subject for now, as they walked along the plaza, weaving around the crowds that had gathered as the afternoon drew on

"Where are we going then?" Olivia asked a short while later

"Let's grab a coffee and have a chat" Casey suggested

"Good idea"

They found a quiet coffee shop and once they'd ordered there drinks, sat by the window, and quietly sipped them.

Casey was the first to break the silence that had descended over them

"I really do love Alex" she said quietly

Olivia looked up, and raised her brows, wondering what brought the declaration on

"I can tell and she loves you too Case"

Casey nodded "I know. We were talking about marriage and kids the other day"

"And?" Olivia prodded

"We'd like to. She wants forever"

"And is that what you want?" Olivia asked, although slightly afraid of the answer

"Yeah"

Olivia nodded "You'd make great parents"

"You think?"

"I really do. Alex is great with children, and so are you"

Casey smiled "I really want this Olivia. I'm really trying to get better so that we can build our future"

"You'll get there Case. How are things?"

"The drinking, you mean? Okay, I still have my moments when I crave it, but I'm managing to control it"

"That's good. You know, Cragen goes to AA meetings, I am sure he could recommend one" Olivia suggested

Casey shook her head "I don't think I'd like that, I mean it's hard enough talking to one person, let alone telling everyone"

"I get that" Olivia said honestly "But you're doing okay"

"Yeah I am" Casey smiled

"You and Alex are strong, and you hold each other up. I can see that"

"I sometimes think I rely on her too much"

"No, she's happy for you to lean on her. She told me that she'd rather you talk to her than drink. You know, she's proud of you"

"I know" Casey said quietly.

Olivia could tell she was in thought "What are you thinking about?" she asked after a few minutes

"The future, mainly" she said shrugging her shoulders, as she took a sip of her latte

"And…what do you see?"

"Me and Alex getting married, having a baby. Being happy"

Olivia smiled as she watched the red head talk about what she wants for the future. She knows that they'll be okay "It'll happen"

"I hope so. What about you and Abbie? You think that will go somewhere?"

"I hope so. I really like her; she really is a nice person deep down Casey. We've talked a lot about her and Alex, she's really sorry about all the trouble she caused"

"I know she is. Tell her I said Hi, and that we'll have to do something together one day. I don't resent her, or feel she's a threat anymore. And really, she didn't do anything; she just wanted to talk to Alex"

"She would still like them to be friends"

"I'll talk to her Liv. I think we need to bury the hatchet and just move on. But there is no reason why we can't all be friends" Casey agrees

"Are there anymore shops you need to go in?" Olivia asks as they have finished their drinks

"Yeah, I want to find something to wear for Christmas at Alex's Aunt and Uncle's"

"Are you nervous about it?" Olivia asks as they exit the coffee shop

"A little, mainly it's the alcohol and the looks I'll get. Alex has explained to them, and they've promised a no alcohol rule. I just know they'll be looking at me with pity"

"They won't. Bill isn't like that, and I assure you, neither is Maggie" Olivia tells the red head as they enter the department store "What are you looking for?"

"A nice dress. I want to surprise Alex too"

"Then you need something sexy" Olivia points out

"Are you saying I don't look sexy normally?" Casey asks. Olivia looks up at her with stern eyes, about to chastise the red head for her lack of self appreciation but when she sees Casey grin, she laughs "Very funny"

"Well…?"

"I am sure Alex finds you sexy all the time" Olivia says, as a dress catches her eye "Oh my god. This one would look perfect on you"

"It's nice"

"It'll go perfect with your hair, you always look amazing in green" Olivia says as she lifts it off the rail, and holding it against the red head "Go try it on"

Casey reluctantly takes the dress and heads to the changing rooms.

Olivia sits outside, as Casey tries the dress on.

"Liv?"

"Yeah" Olivia replies as she stands to see the red head "You look stunning"

"You think?" Casey looks at herself in the mirror. The dress is a pale green, with spaghetti straps and a plunging neckline, which shows just a little cleavage. The dress is straight and ends just at the knee, with a slit along the side, which shows off Casey's pale but toned legs.

"Uh duh" Olivia laughs "You look hot"

"Olivia!" Casey blushes

"What, you do and Alex will think so too"

"It's not too much?" Casey asks, fiddling with the material around her chest

"No. It's perfect. I told you it would be"

"It is really nice" Casey smiles

"You have to get it Casey. Really, it looks amazing on you"

* * *

"Hey baby" Alex smiles as the door opens, as she pulls her girlfriend into a swift hug, planting a kiss on her lips

"I missed you" Casey says resting her head on the blonde's shoulder

"What am I, a spare part?" Olivia asks with a smile

"Hey Olivia" Alex says as she hugs the brunette, before turning back to Casey

"What did you buy?"

"Nosey. You know what I was going out for?"

"I just wondered" Alex pouted "Just a sneak peek of anything?"

"Nope" Casey laughs as she takes the bags into the bedroom

Alex turns to Olivia "How is she? Did she take her pill?"

Olivia nods "Yes she did, with lunch. We had a sandwich. And she's fine"

Alex gives Olivia a small smile "Sorry, I worry too much"

"It's understandable"

Casey emerges from the bedroom, and takes a seat opposite Alex, who raises a brow, before getting up and sitting on the red heads lap, snuggling into her.

"Have you asked Alex yet, Liv?"

Olivia shakes her head and glares at Casey

"Asked me what?" the blonde questions, looking between the two women

Casey, noticing that Olivia will not ask without intervention decides to ask herself

"Olivia doesn't know what to buy Abbie for Christmas. I told her to ask you what Abbie likes"

At the mention of the younger brunette Alex tenses, which is noticed by the red head, who begins to massage the blonde's shoulders, planting a kiss on her neck. Alex murmurs and then is met with the brown eyes of Olivia who is smiling from ear to ear "What?"

"You two, it's so lovely, seeing you both like this"

Alex smiles and then says quietly "You need some ideas for Abs?"

Olivia nods "I have no idea what she's into"

"She likes anything that incorporates Texas in it, she misses home a lot, at least she did. She likes horses, if that helps any. She's pretty simple to buy for, I mean, she loves clothes as well"

Olivia nods "Thanks"

"Does that help any?"

"A little" the brunette replied

Casey squeezes Alex's shoulders, as she wraps her arms around the blonde, kissing her cheek "I love you"

"I love you too" Alex says back quietly before asking Olivia "How are you and Abbie?"

"We're good. I really do like her, and we get on pretty well. Its early days"

"No sex yet then?" Alex asks, which causes Olivia to blush and Casey to slap her on the arm

"Alex"

"It's just a question; she doesn't need to answer if she doesn't want to"

"It's okay Case" Olivia smiles before answering Alex's question "Not yet"

Alex nods, and is slightly relieved, because she knows how pushy Abbie can be sometimes, and has been on the receiving end of that brashness a few times

Olivia stands up "I better be off. I'm meeting Abbie for dinner"

Casey and Alex remove themselves from the chair, and hug the brunette goodbye.

**Reviews welcome**


	30. Chapter 30

**A.N:Okay, so only a short chapter, and I do mean short. I am really getting into my other story at the minute and this one has sort of reached a bit of a block, but I do have ideas for later chapters, it's just getting there that I'm struggling with. But I hate not updating this, so here is something to keep you going.**

**I know that you think Alex needs to stop tensing up at the mention of Abbie but she's still weary of the brunette's intentions, and after the conversation with Olivia about the status of their relationship, it hasn't lessened them, so yes, there is still some unfinished business, but all will be revealed soon.**

Chapter 30

It's Christmas Eve, Alex and Casey are curled up on the couch while the fire flickers near them. They've had many evenings like this, and it comforts both women to be held by the other.

"I like it like this. I feel safe" Casey says quietly, voicing her thoughts out loud, causing Alex to smile as it had been a while since Casey had let slip her private thoughts.

"Me too" Alex replied "I can't wait for tomorrow"

"Neither can I"

"Are you still nervous about it?" Alex asked

"Not so much. I'm managing pretty well lately"

"I've noticed. I'm really proud of you Case" Alex tells the red head as she plants a kiss on her forehead

Casey smiles "I know"

"You should be proud of yourself. I know Cari is proud of you too"

Casey grins at the mention of her sister "She's coming up for the New Year, did I tell you? Is that okay?"

"Yes, you told me, and that Caitlyn is going to pop up too and I told you then, its fine. I love Cari, and I am sure I'll love Caitlyn"

"You will, they are so alike" Casey tells Alex

"But there is only one Novak I love with all my heart" Alex says, as she strokes Casey's hair

"You're so sweet" Casey replies with a chuckle

"And you love it"

"I certainly do", Casey looks up at the blonde, with a smile "I love you Alexandra Cabot"

"And I love you Casey Novak"

Casey allows her lips to meet the blonde's in a gentle and loving kiss.

"Can we open presents?" Alex asks as she pulls away

"No, it's not Christmas yet"

Alex pouts "Just one"

"I only got you one"

Alex's smile falters "I got you two, but its okay"

Casey laughs "I got you two as well"

"That is not funny"

"It so was, your face!" Casey laughs, which causes Alex to tickle her ribs and Casey screeches with laughter as she squirms and rolls over. She completely misjudges the space on the couch as she rolls over the side and lands on the floor "Fuck"

Alex stops laughing and looks at the red head wide eyed "Casey, I am so sorry"

"I'm fine" Casey laughs, sitting up and looking at the worried face of her girlfriend "Seriously Al, I'm fine"

"You sure" Alex asks quietly, offering her hand

"Yes" Casey says as she returns to the couch

"So, presents" Alex says which causes Casey to grin

"Not until tomorrow"

"Oh please" Alex tries to pout, and look sad but she can't hold it, as she looks at the red head who is laughing to herself

"You are such a kid Cabot"

"I just love Christmas!" Alex exclaimed "The fire, and marshmallows, and mulled wine…"

"Yeah" Casey says quietly

"Oh my god, Case, I'm sorry" Alex notices the change in Casey's tone, and posture as she silently kicks herself for bringing that up

"Its okay" Casey says quietly "Really, it is"

"No, it's not. It was stupid and thoughtless of me. I promise you, there will be no alcohol at all tomorrow. And, it won't matter okay"

"I know"

"Come on, let's go to bed"

"Now that sounds like fun"

"Get your dirty butt in that bed, and sleep. We've got a long day and I want to be up early, so there will be no funny business tonight" Alex jokes, as she pulls the red head from the couch, slapping her bottom as she does so

Casey chuckles "Okay, have it your way"

"I certainly will" Alex grins "Tomorrow"

* * *

"Merry Christmas" Alex exclaims loudly, at 8am the next morning.

Casey groans and rolls over "Too early" she mumbles

"No its not, its 8o'clock, sleepy head. Get up"

Casey mumbles before turning onto her back, which gives Alex the perfect opportunity to capture her lips with her own, Casey opens her eyes and smiles as she sees the blue of Alex's in front of her. Pulling the blonde close, she attempts to deepen the kiss but Alex pulls away,

"Now get up. We've presents to open"

Casey chuckles, and sighs. She loves the playful side of Alex, and knows that it's not something many people get to witness, and she's happy with that.

Alex saunters off to the kitchen, and Casey can smell the coffee radiating into the bedroom.

"Can you make me a coffee?" she calls to the blonde with a smile as she removes herself from the bed, throwing on her gown

Alex smiles to herself and calls out "Okay", this had been the second time this week that Casey had asked for a coffee and it made her heart swell with pride. Slowly, but surely Casey was getting better, the tablets seem to have had an effect, and Casey was eating regular meals, and occasionally making choices that she normally would not. For example, yesterday, she had brought a bacon roll for breakfast and like mentioned, this was her second coffee of the week.

She had also had some really productive discussions with Hilary, her counsellor and with Alex, and earlier in the week, Alex had overheard Casey talking to Caitlyn about her struggles which was a huge step for the red head.


	31. Chapter 31

**A.N: Just managed to catch up with the latest episode. I really don't like Barba but what he had to do, and ended up doing took a lot of balls so I hand it to him. **

**Here's another short chapter for you, I apologise for my muses untimely exit on this story.**

Chapter 31

"Come on Casey, if you take any longer in there we'll not have time to open the presents before we go to Uncle Bill's" Alex calls out to Casey who has been in the bathroom for nearly half an hour

"I'm coming" Casey sighs exasperatedly, pushing open the door and emerging. She is wearing the green dress she brought while out with Olivia, and by the look on Alex's face, she knows it was a good buy "See something you like Al?"

"Uh huh, yep" Alex grins "You look beautiful Case"

Casey smiles as she saunters over the blonde, placing herself next to her on the couch "It looks okay?" she asks

"It looks amazing on you, baby" Alex says honestly as she reaches for her first gift to Casey "Here's yours"

Casey looks at the neatly wrapped gift, the silver paper shining in the light of the Christmas tree that stands in beside the couch. It's tied of with a gold ribbon and the label reads 'Love Alex xx'

Slowly unwrapping the gift, Casey notices Alex look expectedly at her with a brow raised "Just rip it off"

"But you wrapped it so nicely" Casey continues to carefully pull the tape off from the sides, knowing Alex is getting impatient.

"Hurry up Case" Alex urges the red head who laughs before pulling off the remaining paper to reveal a small leather bound notebook

"Thanks Alex, I needed a new one" Casey thanks the blonde, placing a kiss on her cheek before picking up a gift for Alex "Here you go"

Alex wastes no time in ripping off the wrapping and her eyes go wide at the gift "Casey?" she asks quietly

"Do you like it?"

"I, yeah but…it must have cost you a fortune" Alex breathes out, turning over the paperback first edition of For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway

"Your worth it" Casey replies "I remember you saying that it was your father's favourite book and he'd read it to you every night"

"Yeah" Alex says with teary eyes "Thank you"

Casey gives Alex a gentle kiss on the lips "I love you"

"I love you too"

Alex wipes the tears away and picks up another small gift "This is your main present"

Casey takes the small cube shaped box and this time doesn't bother about unwrapping it with care, she gasps as a velvet box comes into view and when she opens it, looks up at Alex who is wearing a smile "Al…"

Alex takes the box from Casey and removes the ring that sits neatly inside. The white gold band adorned with small diamonds "It's an eternity ring" she explains

"It's beautiful"

"Like you. I want you to know that you are the first person I've ever wanted forever with and while it may be too soon for that commitment, I want you to know, I want it when the times it right" Alex says quietly as she slides the ring onto Casey's finger, kissing it before kissing the red head deeply on the lips.

Casey moans into the kiss, pulling Alex closer to her as she runs her tongue along the blonde's lower lip, biting gently before plunging her tongue into Alex's mouth. Alex murmurs her approval as she feels her body responding to the close proximity and passion radiating from the red head. After a few minutes, both women pull apart, breathing deeply and with a smile.

"I love you so much Alex" Casey whispers

Casey is brought back to the present when she remembers her other gift for Alex "This is for you"

Alex unwraps it, her body still tingling from the sensations Casey has emitted with her touch. She gasps much like Casey had as she opens the box revealing a gold chain with a small heart shaped pendant dangling from the end.

"It's gorgeous Case" she breathes out, taking it from the box, she runs her finger over the heart and the small diamond encrusted in the gold

"Turn it over"

Alex turns it over slightly, and her eyes well up with tears, "Forever is a promise" she reads

"I want forever Alex, with you. Much like this ring…" she holds up her hand "I want you to know I want forever, when the time is right"

Alex pulls Casey towards her, and wraps her arms around her.

"I wish we could stay like this all day" Alex whispers quietly "But I promised Uncle Bill we'd be over"

"We can snuggle later Al. Come on, go get ready"

Alex pulls back slowly from Casey, looking at the red head's dress, noticing the subtle reveal of her breasts and the long slit along the side, showcasing legs that Alex thinks are amazing "You're beautiful"

"As are you" Casey replies "Now go get dressed"

20 minutes later, the blonde emerges from the bedroom, her blonde hair tied up neatly in a bun. She is dressed in a stunning red dress that is similar to the red head's but as thicker straps and is just a tad more revealing.

"WOW" Casey breaths in the sight of her girlfriend before her

"You like?" Alex asks quietly

"I love…but you look sexy in anything" Casey says huskily

Alex laughs "Is that so?"

Casey nods as she wraps her arms around the blonde, pulling her close "And you look so damn hot wearing nothing" she whispers into the blonde's ear, causing Alex to moan as she feels a tightening in her stomach and a wetness in her lower regions "Casey" she breathes out "I need you"

Casey chuckles as she pulls back "Later baby"

Alex swats the red head's backside "You little tease"

"You love me" Casey chuckles

"That I do" Alex replies

"Come on beautiful, let's go see everyone"

"Are you nervous?" Alex asks the red head as she takes her hand.

"A little" Casey admits as they exit the apartment. Alex locks the door before they walk towards the elevator.

"Don't be. It's only my Aunt and Uncle"

"That's easy for you to say Al, you've known them all your life" Casey says quietly

"Relax" Alex pulls the red head into a hug "They're going to love you"

**Next chapter will be at Uncle Bill's house. I'd like some ideas on how it's going to go, of course there will be the standard chat about Casey's intentions, but obviously this will be a little different. **


	32. Chapter 32

**A.N: My muse seems to be preoccupied with my other story (Everyone is a somebody) and life right now and I think this story has run it's course. So this will be the last chapter before the epilogue which I'll get up in a few days, I hope.**

**Thank you to all those reading and that have read, and reviewed.**

Chapter 32

"Alexandra! Merry Christmas! It's so lovely to see you" a tall blonde woman exclaimed as she approached Alex and Casey, who was nervously gripping the young blonde's hand

"Merry Christmas, Aunt Maggie" Alex smiled as she let go of Casey's hand and hugged her Aunt "I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Casey Novak"

Maggie smiled at Casey, offering a hand "It's lovely to meet you dear. I'm Margaret, but you can call me Maggie like Alexandra here does"

Alex sighed "Aunt Maggie, I told you, no one calls me Alexandra anymore. It's Alex"

"You'll always be my Alexandra, dear" Maggie says with a smile "Now come in you two; Bill's waiting to see you"

Casey took Alex's hand quickly and Alex gave it a supportive squeeze "Relax" she whispered into Casey's ear as they headed into the large house

There was a tall, older gentleman standing in the foyer, he smiled warmly as the trip entered the house "Lexi, my darling" he said pulling Alex into a warm embrace "And who's this beautiful lady?"

Alex grinned, as Casey blushed "This, Uncle Bill is my girl, Casey"

"Such a pleasure to meet you" Bill held out his hand and Casey gave it a tentative shake

"You too sir"

Bill laughed "Call me Bill"

Alex took Casey's hand "Have we got presents?" she asked with a smile

Maggie chuckled "You always were so excited at Christmas, Alexandra"

"It's the best time of year" she said with a smile

Casey followed Alex into a large room that harboured a huge tree, decorated fully with lights and baubles, as well as an array of different coloured tinsel. There was a large couch in the centre of the room as well as 2 armchairs and a small coffee table, similar to the one that resided in Alex's and Casey's apartment.

"We don't know you very well Casey" Maggie says handing the red head an envelope "So we thought you could get something yourself"

Casey opened the envelope and her mouth dropped when a 50 dollar bill fell in her lap "I can't…" she begins looking at Alex with wide eyes

Maggie doesn't speak, and neither does Bill as he picks up a gift and hands it to Alex "Merry Christmas Lexis"

Alex opens the gift carefully and gives a small smile when she sees the gift. Bill and Maggie had brought her a new watch, diamond incrusted with a thin strap "Thank you" she says hugging the couple

* * *

"Casey. Alex is like a daughter to me and my wife" Bill states standing opposite the red head in the kitchen. Casey is nervous, knowing what is going to happen, what they are going to discuss.

"What are your reasons for being with my niece?"

"I love her" Casey says quietly "More than anything"

"A relationship cannot be built on love alone. Do you trust her?"

"With my life" Casey tries to sound confident but it's not working

"If you hurt her…" Bill begins and Casey feels tears pricking her eyes. She was hurting Alex, and she knew it. She couldn't have this discussion, it was too much. Turning on her heels she darted from the room, brushing past Maggie as she fled.

"What did you say?" the older blonde asked her husband

"I just wanted to know what her intentions were, is all" Bill says shaking his head "I have no idea why she ran like that"

"You weren't too rough on her?" Maggie raises a brow with the question

"I just said 'if you hurt her…' and she ran" he said rubbing his forehead

"You what? Could you be anymore tactful!?" Alex exclaims at she catches the end of the conversation "Where is she?"

"She ran out Al, I think she was a little upset" Maggie says quietly, while glaring at her husband

Alex shakes her head, incredulously before sauntering off to find her girlfriend.

* * *

Casey is sitting by the pool. Her head in her hands as Alex approaches "Casey" she says quietly startling the red head who sobs harder

"Hey, baby. It's okay"

"I knew they'd hate me" Casey chokes out

"They don't Case. Of course they don't. Uncle Bill's just a bit insensitive at times"

"He cares about you" Casey states wiping her eyes with the back of her hand

"Yes. But he didn't need to be so harsh on you"

"I am hurting you" Casey whispers

"No, you're not. It hurts when you are hurting but that is only because I love you. The only way you could hurt me is by giving up completely or leaving me" Alex says quietly, pulling the red head closer to her

After a little while Alex says quietly "Come on. Let's go home. I'll talk to Aunt Maggie"

"But they're you're family" Casey says wide eyed

"And so are you. And right now, I just want to hold you and love you"

"I love you" Casey says as she stands.

**Sorry for the poor quality in this chapter. I'll take a few days to write the epilogue, but once again thank you. (P.S: Thanks Tripperz for pointing out my mistake with the currency, force of habit) **


	33. Epilogue

**Thank you to all that read this. Sorry it kind of trailed off a bit at the end, blame my muse, not me.**

Epilogue

6 Months later (Roughly)

"Casey, come here a minute?" Alex calls from her space on the couch. She had just cooked a lovely dinner for them both and now she wanted to ask her girlfriend something.

It had been a rough start to the New Year but Casey was doing really well. The medication was improving her moods and she hadn't craved a drink for the last few months. Things were looking pretty good.

New Year started with Caroline and Caitlyn visiting for a few days. Alex had been pleased that both of the sisters had visited and found the Caitlyn, albeit slightly more talkative was much like Caroline. They had spent the New Year watching the fireworks from Alex and Casey's apartment and had taken Caroline and Caitlyn to various landmarks in the city.

They had also gone to see Uncle Bill a few days into the New Year and he apologised profusely for upsetting Casey at Christmas.

Now, Alex was nervous because she had planned this evening for months.

"What's up Alex?" Casey asked entering the living room from the kitchen where she had loaded the dishwasher

"Sit down" Alex beckoned to the red head who raised her brows but complied

"Okay" Casey drew out, completely confused until she turned to Alex who had a wide smile on her lips.

"I love you"

"I love you too Al, you…" Casey began, before gasping when Alex knelt in front of her

"I love you with all my heart, you're smart, kind, funny, and you're perfect in my eyes, you're brave, and strong and so damn gorgeous it drives me crazy but what I'm trying to say Casey, is I don't want anyone else, I want you and I want you forever. Will you marry me, Casey Novak?"

Alex produces a ring as she asks the ultimate question. Casey is crying openly, and she can only manage a nod before her lips meet Alex's in a passionate yet loving kiss.

As she pulls away, Alex smiles, tilting her head "Is that a yes?"

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Of course I'll marry you Alex" Casey cries, her head now resting on the blonde's shoulder "I love you so much"

Alex kisses Casey hard on the lips, as she pushes her back onto the couch "You're going to be mine"

"I'm already yours" Casey mumbled into the kiss, as Alex deepens it, running her hands down the red head's side

As she pulls back, she whispers "I want to make love to my fiancée"

"I'd like that" Casey grins as Alex lifts her from the couch. The red head wraps her hands around Alex's neck and her legs around her waist as their lips meet while Alex guides them to the bedroom

THE END

**Thanks again. **


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